AI NO TORIKO
by CrimsonFireflies
Summary: For Miku who always been alone, it's a Utopia for her to meet Kaito. But what will happen if her Utopia will shatter?
1. Chapter 1 : The Beginning

AI NO TORIKO

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VOCALOID!

_I am new to this site, so this is my first fanfic, hope you enjoy. PS: Please warn me if I somehow broke the rules, Thank You_

Being alone is actually not something scary. There is something scarier than that, it's being hated by the one you love. For her, who already used to be alone since elementary school, it's something like breakfast.

It's not that she doesn't stand out, but it's just that she is too different from others. The teal pig tailed hair, always carrying book and always silent. They avoid her, not even try to talk, just like she exist yet not exist. If only this much, she could bear it.

But everything gets worse when entering High school, the bullying begins. People who think her as an eyesore are either hit her, tore her book, hide her shoes or even splash water at her. Other students, who watch it, don't raise a voice. To be more exactly they didn't care or not want to get themselves involved. "Why should I care? It's none of my business, it's not like she has any relation to me", something like that. For them who bullied her think it as some stress reliever. She keeps telling herself "Just a little longer, there is the end for everything".

As the 2nd year begins she starts to realize that she has grown feelings towards a boy one year above her. His name is Kaito, the 3rd year student. Ever since the day she meet him at library, she experience something which she never experience before. An emotion called "love". Somehow the other party also attached to her. For Miku who rarely talk, it's her first time to talk so long.

He is kinda funny and talkative. At first she was either nodding or just say "yes" or "no". But gradually she starts to learn more about how to socialize. It is him who teaches her. Since the day she hangs out with him, the bullying decreased. Some people also start noticing her and talk to her. Little by little her loneliness vanishes. "It's all thanks to him", she thinks. But upon noticing the fact she is more open now, she also realize a new emotion called "fear" grow inside her. She doesn't know what this "fear" is or even know what cause it to grow inside her. She just knows … it attached to her not long after "love" grow.

The weeks turn to months, without she realizes she has become a "Prisoner of Love" for letting the "love" keep growing inside her. Lately she keep feel unstable when he is near her. Her heart keeps beating crazily, her face giving a red signal. She knows … she no longer could bear it. It's now or never.

She gathers all her courage and confesses to him. To her surprise, her confession is replied within one second. "Okay!" is an answer which make the Love seed inside her bloom. It's bloom beautifully, decorating the Garden of her life and her heart. "I finally released from this chain!" she think it happily.

Since they are couple now, they become more intimate than before. Though she laugh at how he acts as her boyfriend. Sometimes he will send her a message, claiming that he needs her help. But it turns out that he sends it hoping she will rush to rooftop which turn he only want to ask her for a kiss. She will laugh after knowing it. She know it, yet she gladly play along.

It's become some kind of code to them. "Its urgent! I need you now" meaning Kaito is asking Miku for a kiss, while "My skins need to cool down" means she wants him to hug her. The first time they use this code, they laugh at each other. Thinking of how silly it is. But they enjoy using these codes. Its sounds like their couple life become more interesting in this way.

Walk home together after school become their daily routine, even though she now has a lot of friends. But still … she could be truly happy when she is with him. No one else, no one would. They hold hands and walk home together. In her head some thoughts always popped up, "I hope Mr Time will stop his job just for seconds". Well at least her wish is half-come true. She realize, Kaito always slowing his footsteps purposely, so they could spend more time. She gladly plays along with it, slowing her footsteps.

"It's getting cold lately", he said

"Yeah it is" she replied

"Needs to cool down your skins?"

Small red signal gathering in her face, he is just too straightforward and blunt. There is too much people around them now.

"N-n-not now!"

"Aww come on, it won't hurt"

"no is no!"

"Fine ... Fine …"

Her head keep looking down; don't even dare to raise it up. He has kiss and hug her couple of times, but it's just still too much for her. Doing it in front of so many people is just too much for her. Well it's not like he didn't realize it, if she didn't keep looking down, perhaps she will see his face is also giving a red signal.

"See you tomorrow!" he said to her while waving his hand.

She replied by waving her hand. She went inside her house, the house is empty and silence. She gives a little sigh for the situation of her house.

"I think it's only you who never change"

She walks upstairs, open the door to her room and quickly throw her body on the bed, hugging the pillow with leeks pattern. The red signal keeps travelling back to her face whenever she remembers him asking about it. Giving a small giggling, her garden of life is too beautiful. Thanks to new "Utopia" she found, she no longer needs the old "Utopia". Her sight directed towards the black punk jacket and punk clothes hanging on the back of her door. No one ever knows what her old "Utopia" was, including Kaito. Only she know it, she used it in past to relieve herself from loneliness. But right now, she no longer needs it. She sits up on her bed while still hugging her pillow.

"Sorry, but I no longer need you anymore, bye bye"


	2. Chapter 2 : The Cold Night

The morning shine hurt her eyes, waking her. Chirping sounds from the bird make her feel relaxed. She smiled when she look at the black jacket hanging. She brushes her teeth, takes a shower and eats breakfast, can't wait to meet him. Once she is in her uniform, she rushes to school quickly.

"Good morning", she greet him who is waiting at school entrance

"Good morning, have a nice sleep?"

"Yeah, thanks to you"

"Want to cool down your skin?"

"I-idiot, I told you not now!"

She walks away with crimson color on her face. Seeing her like that he just can't help it but smile. She is just too cute in his eyes.

The day started again, she is acting as usual in her class. Since she is the smartest in her class now, many students always come to her seat during break time. She is a bit disappointed, because she can't see Kaito. At the same point she also happy, they finally want to talk with her.

If … she is not surrounded by those people, she might able to see a glare from some students. They are the one who bullies her before, but since she stand out now, it's find it harder for them to continue the bullying. They throw annoyed, disgusted, hatred and jealous glare towards her. But the crowd made their warning not reaches her. A smirk formed in their face, it's an expression of Predator. They will only move, when they know their strike will finish the prey in one shot.

"How's class? Busy with teaching?" asked Kaito

As usual they are going home together

"Yeah, even though I really want to spend time with you" she pouted

"It's a good new isn't it? You are not gloomy like you used to be"

"Geez, why are you bringing those now?"

"No particular reason, only comparing the difference"

Miku pouted at him, giving "don't bring those things up" expression. He just smiles seeing her act like that. He really grateful having her as a girlfriend, nothing could replace her being with him right now.

"Wanna do it?" he asked

Red signal painting her cheek, she know exactly what he mean. She look around, no one is around. The time gives them some free space. For now till reaching home, the world belongs to them.

"N-n-now?"

He nods his head giving an innocent smile. When he smiles like that, it makes her harder to refuse it. That smile has mysterious which will make her do whatever he want.

"Bu-but it's too embarrassing"

Without waiting her reply, he quickly grabs her cheeks and turns her lips to meet his. It's kinda rough, but enough to silent all nerves inside her. Nerves inside her body seems like stop working, not even able to resist. The poisons are injected through his tongue playing inside her mouth. Heart beating loudly, temperature rising and to be more worse too much pleasure inside her mouth. The long and slippery things analyzed her entire mouth, giving an infinite amount of pleasure. Shortly, they pull back, feeling need to catch their breath.

Miku touch her lips with her finger, can't believe his taster went inside her mouth. Looking at her acting like that, Kaito chuckled, turning her face back to tomato color.

"Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!" she hit his chest several times.

"Ow come on, it won't hurt"

"I am not ready yet! You are mean!"

Along the path, Miku keep chasing him, trying to cease her anger by hitting him. Ironically, he just having fun being chased by her, it's like playing tag game.

At night, she is in her bed room again, holding to her favorite pillow with leek patter. Every time she remembers about what happened with Kaito, she giggles. Thinking she is in Utopia now, what else she need? Nothing … but love. The mirror in her room catches her attention, she look at herself portrayed inside it. It's like staring to herself from other world. Moving her finger, she touches her lips where he kisses her. Small smile with a little red color formed in her face. The Black Jacket just stares silently, looking at her action.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Wonder who is it?" confused, she open her cell phone. It was from Kaito

"Would you mind meet me now?"

She happily replies his text, leaving her confused mind.

She went to place where he tells her to wait. On the text he said he might be little late, so she need to wait. It's unusual for him to tell her to wait, but since it's come from him, she didn't think twice and just wait there silently.

5 minutes ….

10 minutes ….

30 minutes …

120 minutes …

The tick of time passes by, but he still not appears. Cold breeze start sinking inside her skin, she release white puff. Feeling colder, tiny snow start to fall, winter is coming already, she still waited there … with Patient.

15 minutes ….

25 minutes ….

60 minutes ….

Another minute pass by, but he still not appear.

"I-I-its alright, just a little … longer" her trembling lips whisper as the breeze sink deeper inside her skin. Her body starts to feel heavier, she no longer could withstand it, but still trying to bear it. Standing become harder for her, she starts to kneel down, releasing white puff. In the coldness, she remember again, the other thing which bloom not long after "love" bloom … "fear", her mind gone blank, body gone numb, eyesight become blurry.

In midst of blurry, she could see some shadow figure moving closer to her. In slight moment, she knows who they are. Its people who bully her before … but her body is too weak to react now

"Long time no sees you didn't forget about us aren't you?"

Shaking body make her lose strength to fight back

Before she knows, they already drag her to a dirty place at city. Its place full of prostitute, love hotel, night club etc.

"Let's get this quick and clean" said one of the bullies

They push her to one of the prostitute walking on the street, Miku immediately react and quickly using all of her remaining strength to run away as fast as she could.

"You got it?"

"Nice and clean", saving the picture she got to folder on her phone.

Miku keep running, don't dare to look back. Hastening her step, she just wants to quickly arrive at her home now.


	3. Chapter 3 : Choice

The morning light travel inside the room, revealing a small figure on the bed. When the warm light reaches her eyes, she slowly opens her eyes. Rubbing her eyes, feeling a little dazed, it startled her when she reaches her forehead. It feels warm, and then all memories last night come rushing back inside her head. Feeling scared, she quickly walks out of her room and take a bath.

For every droplets of water which reaches her body, small memories bloom one by one inside her, the memories about last night. Thinking about it now still makes her shiver, even though the water is warm. She already gets used to it, no matter how much they bully her, she could stand it. But only last night incident which could make her feel scared. She got a really bad feeling about that incident, like something which she never experience before yet she experience it countless of time already.

"Wh-what is this fe-fe-fe-feeling, I never felt like this before!"

Hugging her own body, she kneels down with water still hitting her body. Fear creeps to her face, the trembling small body stay there for several minutes.

15 minutes later

Miku walk along the path to her school, she shows emotionless face while walking. Still stuck inside last night memories, she has feeling that a fear which she don't know is waiting for her. But she just can't figure it out.

"Please, stop already …" as she said while clutching to her heart. Her heart is beating crazily, like wanting to burst out from inside her body. Her hands start grabbing beside her head, like wanting to crush it. In the middle of her fear, an image of Kaito pops out in her mind. Her eyes open wide, seeing glimmer of light inside the darkness of her fear.

"Yes, if I told him, he might be able to tell me. He will understand it"

Small smile creep back to her face, feeling relieved, she run as fast she can to school.

Morning 07.45

The atmosphere inside the class bright as usual, it's loud with students' voice talking with each other. The cheerful moment lasted till Miku enter the classroom. The moment she enters, all students stop talking with each other and stare her with humiliating looks. The looks which say, "What is she doing here?"

Fear return to her side, she stare at the ground and walk to her seat. It's not usual for them to look at her like that.

During the lesson, she could hear some student whispering.

"I can't believe it"

"Can't judge book by its cover"

"Who knows she is that kind of girl"

"We really are foolish talking with her"

"Yeah, is she even a human?"

"I don't want to be treated as same being with her"

"Disgusting"

Whisper of demon sting her ears and needles of humility stab her heart. The more she hears about it more fear gathering inside her. She no longer could focus on the lesson; it's said with small voice, but sting so much inside her.

"(Please…. End this … quickly ….)"

The ball rang saving her from the clutch of demon. She feels relieved a bit, but still the stare giving her creeps travelling through her nerves.

"Hatsune, come to my office" The teacher told her before leaving the class

She is supposed to see Kaito, but thinking she might be able to discover a key to her fear, she walks to the office.

Inside the office, she felt the same atmosphere inside her class.

"Sit there" said the teacher

Miku move and sit at chair he pointed

With humiliating look decorated in his face, he shows the picture of her with a prostitute.

The moment she look at it, she remember what happen last night, the nightmare which she thought is merely a dream has changed to reality.

"No! Sensei I could ex-"

Before she could say anything more, he slams his hand on the table and look at her with disgusted look.

"What you want to explain! Is this evidence not enough!"

Miku feel scared, no one ever gets angry at her like that before. The small figure start shivering with the loud angry voice directed at her. The prolonging scolding makes her fear increased.

"(I-I-I need to find him quickly, it's hurt so much …)"

After it's done, she walks out from the room with terrified face decorating her face. She notices that Kaito is standing beside her. A relieved feeling come back, she try to reach her hand, but he step back the moment she stretch her hand. Her eyes open wide when he looks at her with sad expression.

"Wh-why" he said while glaring at her

"Wh-what are you talking about" she try reach him once more only to be rejected by him.

"Don't touch me with your filthy hand! You think this is a game! You don't know how serious I am with our relationship"

Before she could say anything further, his glare froze her. The same looks they throw at her before.

"I don't want to see you anymore, you could just die" he said it while walk away quickly, not wanting to stay any longer with demon in front of him.

Hearing those words, she could only stare at him who walks away. She has forgotten about small Flower named "fear". Since it's too small, she didn't take notice of it till it has grown large inside her. It covered the entire field of the garden inside her heart. Warm tears fall from her eyes, emotionless eyes staring at empty hall.

After school finished, she walk towards Empty Park in Town. Walking with emotionless face, it's as if her soul has left her body. Lifeless and dull, she just walks to where her feet guide her. As she arrives at the park she sat at bench and begins thinking about today accident. It's scary and very disturbing her. Yet the fear already removed from her.

No matter how much she think about what happen today, fear no longer creep back. Don't know whether she should feel grateful or sad, she is stuck between two of it. Grateful the fear left her, sad because love also left her, the moment she thinks back what Kaito said to her, a small creepy laugh come out from her.

"ha… haha … ahahaha … AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S SO FUNNY! VERY FUNNY!"

The creepy laugh keeps going on, it's loud and scary, its give chill to anyone who hear it. The more she laughs, at the same time more tears dropped from her eyes. But her expression not showing sadness, it only shows her creepy laugh.

Since that incident, it's been 3 days she absent from school. Yet no one seems bothered with it at all, not even Kaito. Rather the atmosphere at school becomes more cheerful than usual. They talk happily as if she never exists before. Or it's like the memories about her are erased from their mind. Kaito just experience his life as usual not feeling something gone at all, he laugh with friends, hang out with them and fooling around. Just like his usual self, maybe it's better if she don't exist.

The night at Miku room is dark and silent with creepy atmosphere. The little Princess just sits at her bed hugging her pillow, staring silently to her reflection on the mirror with her emotionless looks.

"Hey, why are you seems so lifeless? Its lame you know", she said as if the person inside the mirror will talk to her.

"Come on, it's lame, very very lame"

…

…

"Hey … say something"

…

…

For the first time after long time, her tears finally flowing again decorated with sadness on her face.

"I am begging you … please … say something"

It won't hurt her if people talk bad about her, what hurt her more is being a "Prisoner of Love". Caged inside her desire, unable to reach it, it's more suffocating than being bullied. More painful, if she knows this will happen, she would rather return to her usual bullying and lonely life. It's much better than being a "Prisoner of love". The crying continues followed with several hiccup and sobbing.

She coughs several times, at first it's just a small cough, but later it become fiercer so she cover her mouth with her hand. Coughing badly, she is once terrified again with blood come at her hand, yet looking at it, she return back to her emotionless state, hugging the pillow tighter.

"Isn't it better like this … no one will miss me … yes … no one …"

"Good Evening"

As the voice reaches her ears, she raises her head slowly with emotionless look. Standing in front of her is a teen wearing black zipped jacket with hood. The hood cover almost half of his face, she could not see his face clearly. Only his mouth is visible to her. Still even though it happens suddenly, she still not shows any emotion.

"Little Miss, why are you so sad?"

No respond from her

"You're eyes … even though it's lifeless … it's contain so much sadness inside it"

Still no respond from her

"But … I myself is not a kind person … so I don't intend to help you"

"If the world is too cruel for you, why not create a new version of you and your world"

This time his word attracted her a bit

"You could always create new one. If it's not working, create another one again"

No respond again

"Little miss, like I said before, I am not too kind to help someone who want to die" he said is as he take out a knife and put it in front of her

"But I also not too cruel to ignore someone who shouting for helps"

His finger pointed at the black jacket hang at her door

"The decision is in your hand"

Miku turn her head with slow movement and stare with her lifeless eyes at the black jacket. She turns her head again at look at the knife in front of her.

Miku smiled sadly and look at the Teen in front of her before she finally speaks.

"It's an easy answer"


	4. Chapter 4 : Oblivion Songstress

_Disclaimer: I do not own Utada Hikaru's Song_

Within the town, there is a part of it that is only active at night, The Midnight Club. In here there is a band which sings for people visiting there. In here there is a band which sings for people visiting there – mostly teens who feel their lives are dull and empty. It is their world of paradise where they can just forget about their problems, even if temporarily, and let them enjoy themselves for once.

The club has a popular singer whose name is Unknown. Her face is always hidden behind her hood. They call her the "Oblivion Songstress" because her song is the only thing which could entertain them. Whenever she sings, they feel their pain fading away from them. Yet her disappearance was a mystery as she didn't sing anymore, not for past few years, making all of her fans disappointed. They cannot forget her voice, those beautiful voices which move their heart. It carved deeply inside their memories.

Day by day they will come to the club in order to see her, waiting for her return.

Among the crowd, a boy wearing a black zipped leather jacket with hood is sitting at the bar, casually talking to bartender. The hood covers half of his face which makes only his mouth visible. "How is it going?" the bartender asked. "Same like usual, still no lead" he said, raising the glass of vodka, taking a sip of it. "Guess you still haven't found your family?" Nodding his head at the bartender's question, the boy takes another sip of his drink.

After putting down the glass, he speaks again, "I believe it's sooner or later before I could meet them, but … they might disappoint, because I don't recognize them". "Memories are such complicated things, if you don't lose it, then you might be with them now", said the Bartender. "And …" the bartender continues, "You might not lose your only happiness". "There is no use crying over spilt milk", the young boy said it with cold tone.

A silence continues for several minutes until the bartender speak again. "What surprise did you bring today? You said it will surprise all of the audience here". The boy just stays silent, taking the vodka bottle at the table and pours it to a glass.

He then gives the glass to girl sitting beside him who is wearing black punk jacket with a hood covering half of her face. Her hair is covered with the hood, and she wear black shirt inside her jacket. The moment the bartender takes a look at her figure, he is surprised, nearly dropping the glass he is wiping. The girl takes a sip of the vodka before leaving her seat to walk towards the stage.

The bartender speaks again, this time in surprise "Don't tell me, she is-!" Before he could finish his sentence, the hooded boy already replies him with cold and flat tone, "Just another Prisoner of Love".

The stage is as loud as usual as the band sings to try to cheer the crowd. They shout at them, overjoyed with their voice. Though not all people are enjoying the music, some are just flirting, smoking, drinking, and the like, their activity portraying the life in that club. After the song ends, the audiences one by one return to drink, flirt, and smoke activity. Usually at time like this, no band will play the music. Only the DJ will play some music and they will dance.

But for today … it's different. They won't look at the stage anymore, since there is no use to look at it any longer. They won't … until she stands on the stage. The moment she walks towards the stage, her swaying black skirt attracted them. At first only a few take notice of the hooded figure walking towards the stage, but slowly all eyes are turning towards the mysterious girl who is brave enough to be standing on that stage - the very one that belonged to the unknown singer. She stands straight with confidence, lips just a few centimeters before the microphone in front of her.

She was dressed in a black punk jacket with hood which is covering almost half of her face, they don't doubt it anymore, they are sure that she is the one who could satisfy them with her voice.

That day, they are sure that they didn't waste the effort of waiting few years for her. The audience waited with patience, the building is echoing with their shouting, greeting the return of the Oblivion Songstress. They keep shouting and repeating her nickname, driven mad by her figure, wanting to hear her voice, the tension rising right until the moment as she began to sing.

_I'm a prisoner of love  
Prisoner of love  
Just a prisoner of love  
I'm just a prisoner of love  
A prisoner of love_

_I lied with a calm look__  
and laughed. It became annoying  
so I tried to find an easy way out._

Begging for things that I do not have-blues.  
I am seeking for peace.  
I have it enough but keep fighting over it.  
I am chasing after the shadow of love.

The boring days started to shine suddenly  
since the day you appeared.  
I felt I mind neither the solitude nor agony.

_I'm just a prisoner of love  
Just a prisoner of love_

Prisoner of love  
Prisoner of love  
I'm a prisoner of love  


The voice that escapes from her calm lips is rich with emotion fitting perfectly with the music and with the harmony of the instruments. The resonance of both instruments and voice has created an Ultimate Rhythm.

Despite her small figure, her voice sounds very mature but also pure like a child.

_Both painful times and comforting times__  
Both the stormy day and sunny day, let us walk together_

I'm gonna tell you the truth  
I choose the unknown hard path  
I will call you my only friend  
who supports me

Pretentious strength and greed became meaningless  
since the day I'm loved by you.  
Freedom and easiness become void when alone  
I'm just a prisoner of love  
Just a prisoner of love  


One may see them as a group of sinful humans, with her as Fallen Angel who charm them with her sweet voices to make them taste the flavor of sins. Everything which is sweet has a dangerous feedback if we are consumed by it. Her song is also the same. Though her voice is sweet, the meaning behind it is bitter. It's same like sins. It's always sweet … always … until that moment when it eats us up from the inside out and rears its ugly face.

_Oh Almost there  
Don't you give up  
Oh I will never abandon you, ever_

When the horrifying reality separates us,  
we are attracted to each other more strongly  
I can still keep going for more and more  
I'm just a prisoner of love  
Just a prisoner of love

The mundane days started to shine suddenly  
since the day my heart was stolen  
I felt I mind neither the solitude nor agony  
I'm just a prisoner of love  
Just a prisoner of love

I'm a prisoner of love  
Prisoner of love  
Prisoner of love  
I'm just a prisoner of love  
I'm a prisoner of love

Stay with me, stay with me  
My baby, say you love me  
Stay with me, stay with me  
I won't let you be alone_  
_

Although the song has ended, the tension still hasn't settled down as the audience cries for more, "Encore! Encore! Encore!" They shout at her, wanting to hear her voice again. She grants their wish, preparing to sing for the next song and soon the room filled with her powerful voice.

A young teen dressed completely in black clothing walks alone down an abandoned alley on her way towards home, tired from singing for such a long time has made her feel extremely exhausted.

After a couple of sluggish steps, she finally couldn't bear the extreme exhaustion making her legs give way and she fell, crashing the trash bin. Her disguise was unrevealed as her hood is lifted up from her fall, revealing her long teal hair.

The sky shows no mercy to her, dropping its tears towards her which dampening the ground in a few seconds. Yet she didn't feel cold. She is smiling towards the sky with tears falling down from her eyes. "Thank goodness I never throw away my Utopia" as she said while slowly closing her eyes, reliving back her memories.

Singing in that place is her only Utopia since her lonely life began. No matter how she tried to become, she still need to hang onto something to avoid breaking herself which turn out to be The Midnight Club as her Utopia - if not she might already gone mad from long time ago.

Comparing the midnight club and school, they are just like dark and light world to her. Because school -the light world - rejects beings like her, she could only stay in the shadow as the shine of the Sun is too bright for her. Even whenever she tries to step under the golden light, it always tries to burn her to death. That's why she could only stay inside dark world which possesses no light. In light World she is DOG but in dark World she is GOD.

Kaito, is her only cloud in light world which protects her from the shine. But even the cloud also avoids her; it only exists in her memories now. Rejected by light world twice makes her realize, that there is no spot for shadows to exist in that world, where she is treated like a dog. Yet in the dark world she is has a presence similar to a God.

She chuckles to herself at the irony of how a dog could become a God and vice versa just by staying in different World.

The morning comes as its shine is forcing her to open her eyes slowly; her blurry vision is becoming clearer as she fully opens her eyes. She blinks several times looking at the clear sky and tries to get up only to find out that her jacket is completely soaked.

"Darn, this is my favorite" she sighs and stands up. Taking off the jacket she once again stares at the clear sky "Even though was raining all night, but somehow … it feels so refreshing"

At her home she quickly puts her wet jacket and shirt inside the washing machine and changes to her spare clothes. While waiting for the washing to be done, she walks to her room. Inside her room is the same like usual, nothing has changed. Just the same old silence atmosphere like before, closed curtains and mirror which stand in the corner of the room.

When she walks pass the clock, the ticking that it made somehow attracted her, she looked at the clock with a sad smile. "Yeah, from today on there is no need for me to go there anymore. Everything is over … yes … it's over already". She walks towards the curtain and carefully opens it a bit so people outside won't see her. She peeks, terrified with the view outside. She could feel a shiver over her spine, and fear manipulating her mind once again. The ache in her heart which makes her tremble is back.

"Thi-thi-this is ... this is … this is too cruel!"


	5. Chapter 5 : A New Home

The world is controlled by chains of fate which connects the universe. A small change happen in one chain will cause the other chain to react. This is what we call "Chain of Fate".

The moment the teal haired girl peek through the window, one chain has entangled with the others. She knows that, no matter how much she change or how far she run. The Chain of Fate knows no boundaries. It will chase her, shackle her and choke her as a punishment for running away.

Miku move back from her window, tears flow once again from her eyes while her hands cover her mouth. She kneel down, feeling no energy inside, her face show frightened expression whiles his body keeps trembling, enduring her fear. She feels her stomach going wild, hurting her inner organ which make her cough several times. For each cough, blood will come out from her mouth dropping on by one on the floor. She coughs worse than before as if she would end up coughing nonstop.

Tear dropped on the pool of blood, mixing these two substances. The songstress who is God in her dark world is now not much different than a dog. Her continuous cough has stains her floor with one big red mark.

_Ding Dong Ding Dong_

The voice of bell sounded like a requiem song in her ears. She creeps to her bed, covers herself with blanket and covers her ears with pillow. Tremble by the sound of requiem.

"Go away … go away …"she said as she covers her ears tightly with pillow with stream of tear flowing from her eyes. "

_Ding Dong Ding Dong_

"Leave me alone … please … I beg you … just leave me alone … you're just hurting me" sounds of her crying echoed inside her room along with hiccup voice and coughing voice which stain his blanket red.

_Ding Dong Ding Dong_

The bell has rung third times and she is nearly driven mad. In panic state, Miku run towards downstairs heading to kitchen. She picks up the knife on the table, pointing it at her own throat. Her terrified mind has make her can't think straight anymore. Fear is just too strong for her to oppose. She swears by the next time it rings again, she will cut her own chain of fate.

"Wi-with this, I won't be able to see or hear anymore" she grips the knife tightly, preparing to stab it anytime.

Outside of the house, the finger of the guest is trying to reach the button. His finger moving towards the button is just like a slow motion, its getting closer and closer for each second. Not knowing that by pressing the button, he might cut one chain of fate which results in "Death". As the moment of death is near, the guest who don't know the situation just keep getting closer to press the "Death Button". In split of seconds before the finger touch the button, the guest give up, withdrawing his finger. The blue haired boy tightening his scarf as the air becomes colder.

"Guess she is not home …" as the blue haired boy turn his back and walk away. He sighs knowing that she is not at home.

Inside, Miku kneel down while covers her mouth, she still coughing blood out from her mouth so much that could stain her floor in red. Clutching her heart, she feels like there is a very big needle pierce through her heart. It hurt so much that she wants to rip it out from her body.

Since that day, Miku keep spending her time on Midnight Club. One performance after another, she keep repeating same life cycle every day. Only sing and her fans overjoyed voice. Rarely return home, sleep on narrow alley and work just for eat. Every day is the same; it's a dull and empty life for some people but not for her.

She feels living like that is better than living in light world. The world where she is tormented, rejected, and abandoned. It's much better staying inside dark world.

One day after her performance done, the black hooded boy speaks to her who sit near the bar table.

"Why did you refuse to go home?" he asked with cold tone. Miku just shake her head and reply him, "It's no longer my home, why should I go back? People from light world will chase after me if I stay there".

"Isn't it makes no difference with you being here?" he asked again with curiosity. "They won't, even if they will, they won't be able to catch me" reply her straightly

The moment he hear her reply, he didn't say anything and hand her two boxes, a big one and a small one. The small box has notes which written: "Don't forget this" stuck on top of it while the big box has two holes on its side. His sudden action has brought out confusion from her mind, but she doesn't want to ask further since she knows it's no use to ask this mysterious guy because he never answers her questions, not even once.

With sky as roof and earth as tile, the young girl has decided to choose the narrow alley near the club as her new home. No people want to pass here despite it's just in front of the club because it's too creepy. Along the path of this alley, she knows there is unfinished building which lack roof and wall which is 3 floors high. She found this building when she sings in the club for the first time.

"Sleeping in this place sounds not bad at all" she said while walking inside the building. The tile on the second floor is less dirty than the other two which make her decide to sleep on this floor. On the 3rd floor she could look at the starry sky and also the 3rd floor could protect her who staying on 2nd floor when the rain comes or snow falls.

Miku walk towards crates in the corner on 2nd floor. Inside the crate she takes out a few clothes along with other tools like dining utensils, towel etc. The black hood boy help her moved her belongings yesterday.

Knowing the fact she will live here, she finally form a smile on her face, showing satisfied expression.

Miku suddenly took a notice on two boxes the boy gives her before. Her attention is directed towards the big box first. She gets curious of what it contains. Once she opens it, she is surprised with a white furred being jump at her immediately from the box.

"hahaha, hey, it's tickles ~" The white puppy jump at her and lick her face. "Okay okay I give up", Miku stumbled with the puppy keep licking her, and she is lying on the floor while it keep licking her. Finally it stop licking, Miku grab its side and raise it above her head.

"Ne, you wanna be my friend?" ask Miku as if the puppy could talk. Surprisingly, the puppy barks at her like saying "yes". A big smile once again formed on her lips, "Your name will be Snow, since your fur is as white as snow. Let's get along, Snow~" she smile again at Snow who whip its tail in happy. Putting Snow aside, her sight catches a glimpse on the small box.

In a moment, curiosity overcome her as she reaches the box and opens it.

"Thi-this is …"


	6. Chapter 6 : Lying Boy and Running Girl

_Disclaimer: I do not own Boku Wa Tori Ni Naru_

The air in evening is as hot as usual; making anyone feel lazy to go to school. So hot that it could make them think that they are being fried. They just want to quickly have a summer vacation.

Every student will think to go home early including him. Drenched in sweat, The Blue Haired boy just hoping the lesson will end soon before he is roasted by the light from the sun.

"I might burn to crisp if I stay any longer", said Kaito as he stands in front of his home entrance. When he opens his house door, he gets panic when he hears rustling sounds coming from the kitchen. He let out a sigh of relief when he sees someone he knows in the kitchen.

In front of him a young boy wearing black zipped leather jacket with hood covering half of his face is searching for food in refrigerator. He turns towards Kaito with ice cream stuck on his mouth.

"Hey! That's mine! Don't eat my ice cream!" imply Kaito

"Wai wonly weat wan (I only eat one)" reply the black hood boy "Hon we zo sheshy, Whion (Don't be so cheesy, Shion)"

"Geez you could eat anything you want, just don't eat my ic- !" before Kaito could finish his sentence, the boy shove an ice cream to his mouth.

The hood boy took out the ice cream stuck in his mouth and finally speak clearly, "you are speaking as if you're gonna die if you don't have ice cream to fill your stomach, are you some kind of new alien who going crazy over ice cream?"

Kaito suck the ice cream in few seconds till only its stick left. "Whatever, just don't eat my ice cream, they are my part of my life"

"You're exaggerating"

The blue hair boy sighs as he walks towards kitchen to take some ingredients to cook. "You should come a little bit late you know, I thought a burglar come to my house"

"Do you think my stomach could wait for it?"

"Fine fine, you should at least be grateful for me, next time just don't eat my ice creams again" said Kaito

The hood boy searching for a magazine in living room while still talking to him who makes a dish in kitchen, "still broken heart I guess"

His sudden conversation startles him a bit, "Why suddenly bring it now?"

"Nothing I just feel like to ask you about it" reply the hood boy

"I am not in the mood to talk about it"

"You always got no mood to talk about it"

Kaito tighten his grip on his knife hearing his words, the wounds from past still scar his heart.

"You are an idiot, Shion. A big idiot"

"Shut up" said The Blue boy in flat tone.

The hood boy then then walk towards his house entrance "Just consider it Shion, things might not happen as what you think" he talk as he sway ice cream stick in the air.

"But it does happen as I think"

"So you don't mind if I kill her right?" ask the hood boy

His question has scared him a bit; he put the knife on the table.

The hood boy smirk when he realize this "Just kidding, I won't touch your princess. Have a nice day" he said as he carries a plastic bag which contains all ice creams in his refrigerator and walk out of the house.

Kaito thinking while searching for ice cream in his freezer, "I do want to come back again", as he continue his search he just realize that his entire ice creams is missing. He then rush towards the entrance but find it too late to chase after him as he look around. "That punk! I will make sure he pays for it!"

Meanwhile, as night approached, a shine from heaven descend showing a figure of a princess in scared expression inside the abandoned building. The teal haired girl is full of fear, her body shaking, sweats dropping through her skin, her eyes open twice as its usual size, and she is drowned inside the pit of fear. It has been happening lately; whenever she tries to sleep she will always awaken by nightmare. A projection of her past which keeps torturing her, thanks to that she could not sleep properly these few days and getting a bag under her eyes. It's been 5 days since Miku move to her new house, she thought she might be able to forget about past, but too bad for her that she got nightmare of her past experience chasing after her. Actually for her, it's rather uncomfortable sleeping on the floor, but its better rather being chased by staying in her house. She became less scared when she see Snow sleeping beside her, somehow it make her feel at ease. Miku stroke his fur to make him comfortable as a token of gratitude.

Her new daily life just started, it's pretty simple, eat, work, play and sleep. Not much different from her usual activity. Only right now her day and night activity is switched. In order to avoid some of her classmate noticing her in the morning, she decides to buy daily things at night. It's safer, meeting them will only make worse. "Guess I need to thank him for giving me Snow" said the teal haired girl as she walks inside mini market to buy cooking ingredients. She is wearing her black hooded jacket. Even its night, she needs to stay cautious not to let anyone see her face. Thanks to the hood, she could cover almost all of her face, but somehow it made her hard to see.

The young girl wander inside the market, she feels safe wandering around freely thanks to her disguise. She approach meat shelf and chose some cheap looking one.

"Hey do you remember that demon girl in our class?"

The words sting her hearts like a sharp blade as her eyes open wide hearing those words coming from the shelf across her.

"Don't bring those up, I feel relieved when she didn't come anymore"

"Yeah me either, its suck to talk about her, is she even human?"

"Demon, demon you know, she is a demon"

"Oh right"

Both of them laugh

Miku feel scared all of sudden, after picking up what she need she quickly walk out of the market, not want to stay any longer.

On her run to her home, she bumped a boy and fall, scattering all ingredient she just bought. Fate is like playing with her life, she just wanders in a circle of life without she realize.

"I am sorry, are you okay? "The boy stands up first and over his hand. The moment she hear his voice, fear crept back again inside her. Chain of fate is playing with her life, making her meet her worse nightmare. The blue boy can't look at her face clearly because of hood which covers both her hair and face. Trembling with fear, she pulls the hood to cover more of her face and pick up the ingredient scattered on the floor.

"I will help you" He crouch down and help her

But before he could help her with it, she swoop all things and stuff all of it inside her bag. Without taking long, she runs quickly.

"Ah! wait!" Kaito shout at her, but she just keeps running till she disappears from his sight.

"What was that about?" he then notice there is a pendant on the floor, he pick it up. The pendant has unique design on it, it has cross mark but somehow don't looks like a cross, it's either looks like a cross or a kanji word "Guess this belong to her"

Kaito search around the alley way for several minutes. But seems luck is not on his side, he can't find her. Midnight arrives without the young boy realizes and he is entering a dangerous area at the city. "*pant Wonder where did she go" he brush away sweat from his mouth as his hand placed on his knee to support his weight. As he keeps wandering around, he hears a faint voice coming from the dark alley, gulping, he move his feet to enter that area.

At first he thought it's a creepy but slowly, he could hear it clearly. "This is … a song? It's coming through from the building". He enters the abandoned building, as he step inside, he could now decipher the song's words.

_When I just can't find my way  
You are always there for me  
When I am out of my way  
You are always there for me_

The voice somehow is luring him to move his feet reaching the second floor, he never hear this voice before, he is sure of it, this sweet and soft tone. As he reach the second floor, he could see the girl sit lean to pillar with her knee folded and her hand hugging it, her head lean to pillar. Kaito stand there frozen with her appearance.

_When I just can't find my way  
You are always there for me  
When I am out of my way  
You are always there for me_

_Like a bird in the sky  
You set me free  
You give me one heart  
Like a star in my night  
You'll always be a part of me_

When I just can't find my way  
You are always there  
You are always there  
You are always there for me

He just realizes that actually beside sweet and gentle, the song has a great sadness hidden inside it. Also as he look closer, her body is a bit trembling and her eyes produce a tear which sliding on the skin of her face.

_In my darkness dreams  
I hear you call me  
you give me the reason to live  
in my dirty heart  
I hear you call me  
and you reach out to carry me away_

_No one can save my soul  
only you_

_Like a bird in the sky  
You set me free  
You give me one heart  
Like a star in my night  
You'll always be a part of me_

He stands there like a statue, not wants to move any closer, completely stunned by her voice which could change tone. Sometimes she sings with adult tone, sometimes it could change to a child tone and sometimes a teenager tone.

The moon light illuminates her figure clearly. He is a bit disappointed when he knows he could not see her face because of hood which covers it.

_At the tip of the dark moon  
that light grows  
my dream which is an uncertain existence  
would soon be reborn_

_I hastily live,  
Sorry_

_Like a bird that could fly in the sky  
I now know I can be free_

_I can be free_

As more tears fall, the song just sink deeper inside the sadness, reacting with her emotion inside.

_You set me free_

_Goodbye my love_

The sleeping beast beside her moves its ears in sleep, as if it's reacting to her voice. The song of sorrow has filled the silent night; it's as if there are no sounds other than her voice exist.

_Like a bird that could fly in the sky  
I now know I can be free_

_I can be free_

_Like a bird that could fly in the sky  
I now know I can be free_

_Like a bird in the sky  
You set me free  
You give me one heart  
Like a star in my night  
You'll always be a part of me_

_Like a star in my night  
you'll always be a part of me_

At the end of the song, she moves her hands to wipe her tears but end up more tears fall. As much as the tears drop, she keeps rubbing it. Sounds from him who trying to get closer shocks her, turning her head, she is frightened when she see him.

Kaito don't know what he should say in this situation, but fortunately he still didn't recognize her even though he already hears her voice. He never knows that Miku's voice is different between when she sings and when she talks.

Then he remembers he is supposed to return her pendant. "Umm … you drop thi-"he is shocked with her frightened figure, like before, her body is shaking with fear.

"He-hey, are you okay?" the young boy step closer. Seeing him getting closer, she can't stand the blood gushing out from her stomach. She tries to cover her mouths with both hand to stop the blood coming out, but it seems useless. Crimson liquid flow out from her mouth staining the floor, her head hung down looking at the floor while she keeps coughing. Each coughs resulting in one stain of blood, forming like a track of blood.

He turns pale in the moment, seeing so much blood coming out. He try to step further, but a shock hit him as she hold a knife with her both trembling hands and point it towards him. Her face showed a great fear along with her trembling body.

"A-all right, I won't do anything, I just want to return this" he says as move back. He bent down and put the pendant on the floor and slowly steps back. As she could still see him, she keeps pointing it towards him. The blue boy took a glance at her with sad smile before going down the stair.

On the first floor, as he trying to get out, he could hear her coughing voice. Sympathy grows inside him hearing those voices. But right now he can't do anything. The Blue haired boy walks away from the building.

At night in Shion household, the young boy can't sleep whenever he thinks about that girl. She seems sick but somehow also have mental problem. Changing his position several times he can't find a comfortable spot to sleep. Thinking about it making him insomnia, his mind is too full with thoughts.

In the middle of the night during rainy day on an empty street at the City, a young boy wearing a black zipped leather jacket with hood covering half of his face is grabbing a girl neck and raises it up. His hand holds a knife which is drenched with blood. He smirked at the teal haired girl with pig tail he grabs. Her eyes are dull and empty but tear flow out from it; her body is all wounds which reddening almost her entire body. Her visible arm decorated with cut and bruise along with blood which is sliding on her arm skin. The boy speak with devilish tone as he smirk to her

"Isn't this what you want? You want her to die right?"


	7. Chapter 7 : Our Meeting

_Disclaimer: I do not own "Dear You" song_

Kaito suddenly wake up in the middle of night. His breath is unstable, sweats dropping from his face which is decorated with fear, eyes open wide and his heart is rampaging. He touches his forehead while still gasping for air. Waking up in the middle of night because of having nightmare is indeed annoying, thanks to that his memories is being jugged to remember something which he should forget already.

Kaito left his bed and proceed to his bathroom. He splashes his face with water from sink several times, trying to get rid of the fear left by his nightmare. His states finally become stable after splashing water on his face several times.

"What was that" he said as his breathing slowly become stable. For him, this is the first time he feels like that. He never feels so frightened before by having a nightmare. The dream as if telling him to pick back the memories that he don't want to remember.

Kaito shook his head whenever he is trying to recall his past. It's painful for him whenever he remembers about it. When he traces back his memories, everything is flowing in a loop. He will remember about his happy moments with her, but then all those happy memories will be crushed when he remember how she betray him.

He slams his fist to wall in front of him to calm the hatred inside him. It's painful when someone you love the most become someone you hate the most.

Meanwhile on Midnight Club, Miku is singing surrounded by the cheer of the audience. The tension is just as high as usual. After singing for a while, she finally fell tired and prepare to escape before her fans surround her.

Usually she will prepare an escape route, before she sings on the stage. So after she feels tired she could quickly escape through that route. The escape route could be filling the stage with smoke or cut off all lights. Either away is good as long she could escape.

Today is a successful escape for her since she could arrive at her home before her fans catch her. The young girl panting while move to her pet which is sleeping under the moonlight.

She fell to her knee and rubs its fur to make him feel comfortable and he replies it with a small whimper voice. Miku smile when she looks at snow sleep so peaceful.

She then take out a radio from nearby crate and turn it on. "Just in time" she laughs when the channel is broadcasting her favorite song. "Prisoner of Love", her favorite song which is also the song she always sings on the stage.

Ever since kid, Miku has an ability to change the voice, vibration and tone of her voice which she use as an advantage in singing. And she love the song "Prisoner of Love", the way the singer sing and how to express the emotion, she always take notice to every detail part of it. When she got free time, she will try to sing it following the singer and until know she could reach the almost perfect pitch.

While the song is broadcasted, Miku sing following the singer's voice with almost identical voice.

"Having fun?" said a mysterious voice

She is startled by the voice coming out suddenly, she quickly turn her sight towards where the voice come from. The teal hair girl let out a sigh of relieve when she know the voice is coming from someone she know.

"Don't scare me" said Miku with smile

"Don't intend to scare you, it's just you are too easy to get scared" said the black hood boy

"Geez, you are so mean" the teal hair girl pouting

"Do you like the gift?"

"Yes! Thank you, I am so happy!"

"Glad you like it"

The black hood boy approaches the small beast which sleeps beside her, he kneel down and strokes its fur. Miku giggle when he did it, hearing her giggling voice, he just stare at her with confused look.

"What's so funny?" ask the black hood boy

"Nothing, it's just … you finally show emotion. I remember you are just as silent as rock before" she said followed with a small giggle

The moment she say those words, the black hood boy feels his head a bit hurt. He touches his forehead to suppress the hurt as a flashback of familiar smile appears in his head, a smile which he used to see but he can't remember.

"A-are you okay?" ask Miku with worries

"It's alright, no worries" reply him

"I see … umm …"

"What? If you got something to say just spit it"

"No … but … could you … please at least tell me you name? It's not fair … that you know so much about me … yet I don't know about you"

Finishing her words, her face burned with embarrassment. Hearing her words, the black hood boy could not help but smirk at her curiosity.

"He also asks the same question. Man … what are you guys? Siblings with different mother?" said black hood boy with flat tone, his expression change to normal expression.

"Eh? Who is "he"?" ask Miku with curiosity

"Who knows, I need to leave now" he said as he stand up and prepare to leave

"Eh! You still not answer my question"

"I don't see any reason for me to answer it" the black hood boy walk towards the stairs

"But …"

Before he goes downstairs, he speak "Like I say before, I am a bystander. Meaning I would rather not get involved with your problem and … don't assume our relationship as a friends, I don't intend to get along with you" finishing his words, he descend to lower floor.

The young girl forms a sad lonely expression after hearing his words. It's like a small needle has pierce her heart.

"I … I know" despite in sadness, she try to force a smile to cheer herself so that she could forget about it.

A whimper sounds suddenly reach her ear to comfort her. Miku giggle when she hears it.

"Thank you Snow, I am alright" she strokes the fur of the little puppy which is licking her hand. He raises his head and look at her with eye of glass like wanting to cry. Miku understand what he want, even though it's not been a month since they together but somehow she could understand what he want judge from his expression.

"It's alright, don't sad" she picks him up and hugs him. He whimpers again and licks her neck trying to comfort her. Usually she will be crying all by herself when situation like this happen but since now she got a companion, it's not a good idea to increase the worry for your companion. Living with Snow has taught her how to stay strong.

It's another day another night for her. Doing her usual job as usual, singing for crowd of people who thirst for her voices. That stage … is her sanctuary to fill in her prayers. She prays every day, every day. She prays so she could find friends, but it failed. She prays again the other time since she think she is not serious enough. But it's also failed. No matter how many prayers she did, the hole inside her will never fixed … never. Day by day without she realizes the hole slowly getting bigger, she also doesn't know. Maybe she longed for something … something which exists before.

But she also knows the truth. What the situation she is now? What kind of thing she is involved? It's too complicated. She won't be able to save any of her memories, not even one. The helpless her … all could do is filling empty prayers for her sanctuary … prayers for her fallen angels. Ironically the bigger the hole, her prayer grow stronger and attract more fallen angels. Maybe she really is a "Prisoner of Love" which resembles sin. It's a sin to pray to fallen angels. It's a sin to fall in despair. It's a sin to curse someone. Then why still did it? Why? Why? Why? Because it's sweet, despite we know how bitter it is.

She keeps singing for the crowd of fallen angels, keep filling her prayer, and keep satisfying them. Cry out the voice of pain inside her, let out the hurt emotion inside. Maybe by doing so, one day her wish will come true.

"See? Isn't she good?" ask a guy in black shirt with purple hair towards a blue hair boy who come along with him.

The blue hair boy just stay silent there with his sight directed towards the Songstress on the stage.

"Hey. Hey. Come on! Wake up!" said the purple hair guy while tapping his shoulder.

"Huh? Oh! What?" ask the blue boy.

"Geez are you get interested with her? If you do, you better give it up unless you wanna get beaten to death by all people here"

"Man … I don't say anything about getting interested, it's just …"

"It's just?"

"…"

"Hey come on! Spit it out! Man doesn't play dumb with each other!"

"Nah, it's nothing … forget it"

"Hey that's no fair Kaito! I will get curious you know?"

"It's nothing"

"Huh? Shion? What are you doing here?" suddenly a familiar voice call him from behind, Kaito turn around to find out the voice belong to black hood boy whom eat his ice creams before.

"You … I could also ask the same for you? What are you doing here!" reply Kaito

"Huh? What are you talking about? I often come here" reply the black hood boy

"Hey Kaito, someone you know?"

"Kind of"

"What do you mean "kind of"?" ask the purple haired guy

"Well I don't know what you come here for, but too bad I got no time to linger around with you" said the black hood boy

"It's not like you always free anyway" reply Kaito

The black hood boy shows a smile to him. "Enjoy" said the black hood boy while pointing to the songstress on stage. He then vanishes within the crowd.

"Man what's with him, he sounds terrible right? Hey Kaito? Hey?"

Kaito doesn't react to his friends call; he is like entering a trance state. His eyes feel blank as he stares towards the singer. Like she is the only one who exists in this small world … and he is someone who could only watch from afar without able to help.

Both guys are walking on the street towards their home, along the way they keep talking about Oblivion Songstress performance.

"I didn't lie right? Isn't she great?" ask the purple hair man

"Umm … I admit it's good, but … do you feel there is something strange with her voice?"

"Strange? How so?"

"Umm like … uhh … no … forget it"

"Seriously … what's wrong with you today? You are spacing out a lot"

"Just your imagination, I didn't lack ice cream this m … or …n …ing?"

"? What's wrong?"

"Sorry! I forget something! Go on without me!" he dash away as he finish his words.

The purple guy just sighs at the way he act, "Man … did he eat something bad today?"

The boy run back to club as fast as he could, he just remembers something important he forgot to ask.

As he open the Club door, he found out the club already empty. No one inside anymore, all left is silence voice left by wind.

"Darn! He will pay for my ice cream next time!" said him with pisses tone.

The silence atmosphere is indeed make anyone will feel empty; the club is too dark and too silent. Even when he moves, his footsteps could be heard clearly. There is only one light which still exists among the darkness. That is … the light on the stage.

Like a shine from heaven, its light is casted upon all instrument left on the stage. But among them only keyboard which caught his attention. The young boy walks towards the stage and towards the instrument. He touches and slides his finger on it, trying to feel the hardness of it. Kaito look around before he sits on the chair and put his finger on the keys.

It's start with a gentle tune, very warm and kind. The sounds are echoing well inside the room where the boy plays the instrument. Entering a bit higher tone, the young boy opens his mouth and start to sing.

_Where are you and what exactly are you doing right now?_

_Are you somewhere under this never ending sky?_

It's not a slow tone but also not fast. It's steady and feels so peaceful and relaxing.

_I've lost everything precious in my heart, and I've just realized_

_I've taken for granted all these things about you_

_You've been supporting me in everything dear to me_

_You were the one who brought all these smiles to my face_

_I cannot bare the price of losing all these things_

_This burden is far too great to handle on my own_

_I struggle and struggle, but I can't get them back_

_What will it take for me to find you again?_

_I feel like I can reach you if I try hard enough_

_But you always seem to be out of my grasp_

_I'm haunted by loneliness and despair I can't keep this up_

_I feel like my heart will break without you by my side_

_But your smile will always remain in my memory_

_You are the one who encourages me to keep moving on_

The lyrics have a pretty sad meaning behind it, but it's played neither with a sad tone nor happy tone but it's played with both of it. It does not feel sad at all but also not feels happy. Gentle yet harsh, cold yet warm, sad yet happy, it's a strange yet good song if some might say.

_Come, let's return to that time again_

_I promise that we'll be all right this time_

_I'll be there to laugh with you_

_I'll always, always, be right by your side_

_Where are you and what exactly are you doing right now?_

_Are you somewhere under this never ending sky?_

_When I find you will you smile for me like you have always done?_

_That is my wish, my desire that I hold in my heart._

After he done singing, suddenly he heard a voice coming from entrance. He moves his sight towards the entrance to look at a girl wearing black jacket with hood covering half of her face. The girl startled when he look at her but the boy keep staring with silent expression.

"_Do I … Know you?"_


	8. Chapter 8 : Strange Girl

In the city, there is an old worn out mansion which is avoided by the resident. The mansion is being said very creepy at night even though it's seems normal at evening. The rumor about ghost residing inside it start when someone hear a sounds of piano being played inside. They said it's a classical piece which is played, but the piece never finishes being played. It will always end in the middle with a loud sounds form the key being pressed forcefully. Because of that no one dare to approach or even pass the street in front of that mansion.

That night when Kaito plays the keyboard at Midnight Club, another piece also played inside the old mansion. A classical piece, a kinda creepy but sad piece played inside the mansion. As the light from the worn out window shine inside, it reveal the pianist figure. He is wearing a plain white shirt and black pants. His face is covered with darkness, beside him a black leather jacket is put at the chair.

There is another boy wearing white jacket with hood covering half of his face. He is holding a set of poker cards in his left hand while his other hand is busy stacking up a tower of cards. Below him all cards are scattered on the floor, covering the wood tile.

The Pianist way of pressing keys is strong and exact, like he is angry for something. But it turns out to be a well-played piece. For some notes, he will add his pressing strength causing to let out a tingling strong tone.

In the middle of the play, suddenly he raise all his finger and press the keys as hard as he could which causing a loud voice echoing inside the house.

The Pianist stands up with exhausted expression from his face, sweating a lot and panting.

"Give it up; it's painful for you to remember it" said the white hood boy

The Pianist throws the chair near him to floor to cease his anger. "Give up? You think I could do it!" he said while letting out and exhausted breath. "You think this is game! You think this is fun! Living between states of remembers and forget! Why didn't someone come and kill me!"

The silent atmosphere lingering between them, both just stay silent not trying to speak. But the white hood boy just keeps stacking tower of cards not care about his questions. All sounds left inside are the rustle of cards and the pianist exhausted breath. The silence broke as the white hood boy speaks.

"Not exactly" the white hood boy touches the tower of cards which cause it to crumble and scatter the cards on the floor. "What made you want to take your memories back? Isn't some memory is better to stay unknown?"

"But not my memories! All I could remember that she is my friends! She is my family! And she is my lover! And now! You hold the key to my memories! You know all about me! Yet you don't want to tell me! I just circling like a fool searching for something even though it is right in front of me!" shout the pianist full of wrath.

"I told you already, I promise someone not to talk about it" said the white hood boy in cold tone

"Then who is that person! Is he someone related to me! Why did he trying to keep it away from me!"

"That's … not something I could say"

The pianist clenches his fist trying to hold his anger. "Hahaha if there is nomination "who is the most foolish person in this world" I think I could win"

"Not exactly either, that girl might snatch away your rank"

"Don't change the topic, I am not done with you yet" the pianist take his black jacket which is on the floor and wear it. Before he steps inside the lighted way, he put on his hood to cover half of his face like usual.

"I will come again, I don't want to stay as "Prisoner of love" forever" said him before he leave

The white hood boy just stay silent, he pick up the card scattered on the ground and start building his tower of cards again.

The night is cold and calm as usual, maybe it's because winter is near. Even inside their house, people could still feel the chill of air inside their bone. It's worse when you live at an incomplete house like abandoned building.

Inside an abandoned building, an aqua irises girl is sitting with her knee folded. She breathes out a white smoke from the chill of air which is absorbed inside her skin. It's usually warm in here, though it's a different story when winter comes. The aqua eyes gaze at the view surrounding her. The reason why she chooses to stay at 3rd floor even though it's very cold is because she could see the view of the city from here. Unfortunately, she could not fully use her sight because of the hood which covering her eyes.

The hood is one of few things which could protect her. Protect her from nightmare of past. She knows this fact, that's why … not even once she dares to take off the hood. It's too risky and … once it's happen there is no way to solve it.

Her sight suddenly turns towards the stairs as she hears footsteps coming from below. Her hand reaches the knife beside her, preparing to strike anytime. The moment Kaito appear, he knows that it's not safe to get too near. It might cause her to act reckless and the worse scenario … a blood tragedy.

"Whoa! Whoa! Calm down, like I said I won't get near you" said the boy with quick pace

The girl still holding her knife firmly and point it towards him, her small figure is shaking with fear along with coldness forming on her breath.

He sighed at her reaction and just sits as far as he could from her. "Here" he passes a can of juice to her. Both of them sit silently with Miku stroking the puppy fur and Kaito watch her silently.

"_I kinda startled when she come to listen, but I never thought I will come to her house. Her voice is really good, but somehow her mental illness seems a bit worrying. It's like looking at different kind of person, when she is at the stage, she looks very adult but when it's not she is a scaredy cat. Hahaha … she sure is interesting"_

Miku notice that Kaito is smiling unconsciously at her, he also notice that she is looking at him. She turns away her head the moment he notices it, and just continue stroking Snow fur.

"Are you a local? I never meet you before"

The movement of her hand stopped when the question reach her, she shake her head in response.

"Then where do you come from?"

She shakes her head again

"You don't know?"

She nod in response

"Then how long you have been living here?"

She shakes her head

"You also don't know?"

She nod

"_I feel like she is avoiding letting out her voice, does she treasure her voice that much?"_

"Do you treasure your voice that much that you don't want to let your voice out?"

The question startle her a bit, in response she shake her head again

"Umm … I see"

"_So she is a shy type one, interesting"_

"Where's your parent?"

She feels that his questions are starting to corner her, she fear that he might already know who she is. But … if he does, then he won't be staying here anymore. This time she keeps silence, not dare to answer anymore.

While she continues to stroke Snow fur, Kaito is thinking.

"_Maybe I ask too much"_

The night air is making him sleepy as he feels her eyelids getting heavier and his sight become blurry. He tries to sleep several times but end up awake again. Finally, after several minutes, he could not stand the dizziness anymore and fall asleep within few seconds.

A big thump voice caught her attention. She looks at the figure of him lying on the floor and sleeping peacefully like a baby. It's like the weight inside him is being lifted for a moment.

Miku pull out a blanket from nearby crates and cover him with it. She does it carefully so she doesn't wake him. Without her notice, Snow already moves near his face. He lick his face which is responded by a grumble sounds from Kaito. Miku get panic and pull him away from him as quickly as possible. But it seems it didn't wake him up, she let out bliss of relief and slump down as if the world will ends if he wakes up. Noticing that he didn't wake up, she unconsciously stared at his sleeping face. The longer she stare it, the redder her face. It has been long time since she saw him sleeping so peaceful like that. Carefully, the girl took a closer look on his face. The memories came back as she got near, the sweet memories. Using all her strength, she touched her lip with him, a gentle kiss. It brings back memories. She felt a nostalgic feeling when her soft lips connected with him. As she pulled out from the kiss, her face is completely red like an apple. Sweats travel along her skin, and her breaths are unstable.

Kaito wake up as the morning light hit his eyelids. His heavy eyelids could finally open as the warm light absorbed inside his skin. He tries to sit up and move his heavy body which makes him notice a blanket which covers him.

"Guess I fall asleep, huh"

He scratches his hair and look around to find out she is not here. He takes a look at a note which stuck beside him.

"_Have a breakfast here – XXXXXXX, I already paid for it. Have a nice day"_

The note contains an address to a café which he never heard before. He smiles when he looks at the note.

"I will pay a visit then"

The address actually leads him to a new open café near an opera house. He knows it's new from the state of its furniture. Seeing it still new give him a doubt whether to enter or not, but since she already paid for his breakfast and he is hungry, why not take a chance?

Kaito open the door followed with ringing sounds from the bell attached to door. The café seems empty, he think maybe the owner is going to toilet for a minute. Without taking long, he took a seat on the chair near entrance. He looks around the environment of the café while waiting.

"_It does not look so bad, the air is nice and furniture position is good. Though … I wonder why I feel like there is something missing here"_

His thought continues with him placing his one elbow on the table and supports the weight of his head with his hand. The image of Miku smiling appears in his head as he keeps thinking.

"_I wonder what she is doing. Her home always empty, it's makes me wonder where she is now"_

Along with her face, he also remembers the nightmare he had before where she is killed by black hood boy. He moves his elbow and touches his forehead.

"Excuse me"

"…"

"Excuse me, sir"

"…"

"Excuse me!"

"Whoa!" he shout as he startled by her followed with her surprised shout. "You are scaring me" said the blue boy.

"I am sorry" said the waitress while bowing down to him. The girl raise her head and ask him "May I take your order?" taking out a note and pen from her pocket. Prepare to write down his orders.

The girl hair was dark brown with long bangs flowing past her shoulders at the front in contrast with her short cropped hair at the back. As the flow of wind blow past her hair, he could see clearly her appearance.

"Umm … I think someone has paid a breakfast for me, mind to check it first?"

"Ok hold on" she rushes to back of the room and come back a few minutes later with omelet on her hand.

"Here your order, sir~ Have a nice meal" she said with a big smile, she is a cheerful girl.

"Thank you"

"Umm … do you mind if I pour the ketchup on it?"

"Sure, go on"

"Alright"

As she tries to take the ketchup bottle, she accidently knocks down the toothpicks bottle. She enters panic state as it scatter on the floor, quickly put the ketchup back and bent down to pick it up.

"Ah! I-I-I am sorry"

"No, it's alright" Kaito try to help her picking up the toothpicks which ends up touching her hand accidently. Both quickly withdraw their hands as in fast movement. The girl is blushing as she gets back in panic again.

"I-I-I will take care of it, pl-pl-please don't worry" she bent down again to pick the toothpicks.

On the other hands, Kaito cover his mouth with his hand and turn away his head, trying to hide away his now reddened face.

"Nayu, what's wrong?" ask the owner which approach her

"It's nothing, sir! I just accidently drop the toothpicks" reply her

"Be careful ne- che … you again" said the owner as he appear as the black hood boy

Hearing that familiar voice, Kaito turn towards where the familiar voice comes from. "Seems like we meet a lot lately" said Kaito in response

"Huh? Owner you know him?" ask Nayu

"Yeah, somehow"

"_What do you mean "somehow"?" think Kaito_

"You really are unpredictable, what is your job really" ask Kaito

"No need for you to know, besides what are you doing here?"

"Hey hey I am guest here you know, that's not nice"

"… Nayu, if you are done, could you mind clean the dishes?" said the black hood boy

"Ok, I will go right away" reply the Waitress as she quickly walks to back room.

After he makes sure she is gone, the owner starts to speak again, "So Shion, I bet she paid for your breakfast? The Oblivion Songstress"

Startled by his question, he replies immediately "How did you know?"

"She come early this morning you know, unlike you, she is a busy person and here …" the black hood boy hand out a bag full of ice creams and place it on his table.

"Whoa! This is too sudden. I thought you forget about it"

"I still know shame besides I don't want to indebted with anyone"

"Guess a "Thank you" is what I should said"

The black hood boy smile a bit hearing his words, "Just enjoy" he return to counter as he finish his words. Leaving Kaito who is happy with the amount of ice creams he got.

Once he finishes his meal, he is back on the street. Since it's rare to wake up so early, it sounds not like a bad idea to take a walk on the street, enjoying the fresh air.

At night, Kaito decide to visit the club again, hoping that he could hear her singing. But she is not there today. Seeing those people's disappointed expression, he knows she must take one day off. It's unusual for her to do something like that, he thinks. So he decides to visit her home directly.

On the way, he thinks carefully how not to make her do anything reckless. He start to understand more about her mental illness, as long he is not too near, it might be ok. He step inside the incomplete building, he check the second floor first but can't find her which leads him to 3rd floor. On the 3rd floor he found her sitting silently on the corner. He is scared at first because he thinks that she is dead. Her sitting pose is really like someone whose soul has gone. The light could not reach her side, making him could not see her body clearly.

There is something strange with her today. She is not hostile as usual but just stays silent there. Seeing her strange action, he braves himself to move near her not thinking about the consequence. Even when his presence is very near, she didn't budge. There definitely something is wrong with her. The blue boy kneels down to look at her clearly. The moonlight shines on her within few seconds which leads him to a very big surprise. His face color change as he saw her clearly.


	9. Chapter 9 : The Name of That Flower

Now thinking about it, do I really love him?

It was true that I was the one who confessed to him. And we loved each other so much, till that accident took place. On that day when he told me to disappear from his sight, I saw disbelief in his eyes. From that moment on, I know that I do not belong to this light world where he lived. I was belonged to Dark World from the very start. Yes, the only world where I was acknowledged as God.

_To get my happiness I had done everything,_

I could still remember, the day when I confessed to him. The confession was replied within one second. "Okay!" was what he said that day. My garden of heart flutters when he accepted me. In which Flower named "Love" grew inside me, but at the same time "Fear" also secretly grew. But that thing was not matter now, while I reviewing my memories I remember another flower which grew secretly other than those two.

_But had done nothing to be blamed and accused of._

At that time I don't know what it name was. But it bloom secretly whenever I watched him from behind.

"We talk to you, because you are Shion's girlfriend." those were the words they told me. The day when I start dating him, it was true everyone talked to me and I was so happy, but it became oblivion in an instant when I asked them the reason. That time I was too naive, I pretend not to hear it when it was actually lingering in my head. I thought, as long as I have him, something like this didn't matter.

_The sound of footsteps became louder every day,_

We used to walk home together that time, talking about our school life, talking about our life. Whenever I talked about my past, he would pat my head and said," It's alright, you are here with me now". Hearing those words made me felt very happy. But whenever he talked about his life, something strange invading my thoughts, I thought it was admiration. Yes, that was what I thought that time. But if I looked back, I know what the thing which invaded my mind that time was. I know the answer.

_Then I noticed the fact there was not time._

We could only be together during Lunch, Departure and at the end of school. Other than that, I was busy teaching or talking with my friends while he was also doing the same.

There was one time when I came to his classroom, to ask him about our date on Sunday. The moment my feet stepped inside that classroom, my eyes open wide. He was laughing, talking happily with his friends. The face on those students who talked with him mirrored my expression when I was alone with him. The unknown flower spread its root that time without I noticed, but I still don't know what the name of that flower was.

_I was a believer in life to be myself always,_

My eyes started to saw the difference between my life and him. The smiles placed on students on my class when they spoke to me were fake. But the smile of those people who talked to him was true. We are close, but I could saw a big gap which separated me from him. I have been lonely for so long while he have been filled with happiness from beginning.

_And was asking whether I would be alive._

At night I would always remembering my days with him, completely forgetting about other things which bugged me.

"As long I am with him."

"As long he loves me."

"As long I could stay by his side."

"Those thoughts won't matter, because he is my savior."

_Give me a reason why not to adopt in this way,_

At evening when there was no school for me, different thoughts which never invade me before, pass by on my mind. It was as if I was a completely different person.

"His smile was sweet while mine was ugly. "

"His voice was gentle while mine was rough."

"He is an Angel while I am a Fallen Angel."

Those were the thoughts which invaded my mind. I didn't know why I kept thinking about it. Before I knew, the night has come and my change my thoughts into sweet memories with him.

_Or judge me to be guilty of so many incurable sins._

The weird thoughts which invaded my mind always vanish whenever I walked home with him or having lunch with him. No, it didn't vanish. I simply ignore it because the "Love" flower grew bigger and hide that small little flower.

"I love his smile."

"I love his voice."

"I love him because he is an Angel."

_Tell me why, or why not. Complaining way too much,_

Day by day, I would accidentally saw his happy life with people around him. He was polite, honest and caring. Whenever he made a mistake, he would apologize, everyone will forgive him. Everyone likes to talk with him because he was funny and talkative. He has talent which other people don't have, in which supposed to bring jealously but it didn't. Instead they admired him rather than envy him. No one hated him, no one. Everyone loved him. He was so happy.

_Maybe I overlooked something fatal for me._

My life...

Before I met him, no one talked to me. I was considered creepy, annoying and eyesore. If I made a mistake, no one will forgive me. They would harass me and bully me. Even the teachers were no exception. I was creepy because I always carry a book anywhere and I never start talking to anyone, always reading book. Everyone hated me. I was so lonely.

_The whole world was at a complete standstill,_

He was romantic, on that day when he kissed me. I was so happy, that I keep thinking about it at night. We cared for each other and we trusted each other. The moment when I was with him was irreplaceable. I could not think to be with someone else other than him. I love him so much.

_And I was in fetters, at the mercy of the mob._

Then that day come, the day when his love turned to hate. The kind eyes who always stare at me turned to hatred. The sweet voice which I love to hear turned to rough. The arms which always embracing me would distance themselves from me. I was back to square one.

_The silent warning became louder every day,_

I have decided not to involve myself inside the Light world. The sun hated me. They despise and expel me from the Light world. Telling me I belong to dark world, a world where sins were allowed. On that night I could not stop crying, I hated this. Why would that happen to me? Why didn't it happen to other people? Why must me? Why? Why? Why?

_Then I kept pretending not to hear._

If my heart would be so painful, it was better if I didn't meet him. Never talked to him, never loved him, and never saw him.

I wanted to ask him. Why or why not he complained when we met.

_The meaning had been in the eyes of the beholder all along._

The boy in black hood talked to me on the third night, giving me choice whether to live or not. He put a knife in front of me while his finger pointing at the Black jacket hanging behind my door. My mind completely blank, I don't know what was the best choice.

Should I go back to Light World? No ... that was not the place where I belong anymore. I know what the black jacket means. It means I belong to Dark World,a world where Fallen Angel could exist, a world where demon could exist.

On that night I chose my black jacket as the answer.

_It had grown dark before I found a sign._

I sang for them, I kept singing, singing till my vocal cord break, singing till my ears explode. They worshiped me, they praise to me, they admire me and they loved me. I didn't care anymore whether or not it was real. The strange flower enveloped me with its vine.

"Kaito, look! I could also experience the same world like you. I was admired, loved and forgiven here. No one hated me. I never felt lonely anymore. I am on the same level like you now."

_"Among the nonsense tragedies, what on earth you are looking for?_

I knew that I have incurable disease. I have known from long ago, but I never once pay attention to it. It rarely bothered me after all. My lifespan was shorter than everyone around me, that's all.

The disease goes wild on that day, the day I saw him standing outside of my house. Why did he come? I know! He was hunting me! It was obvious that Angels were supposed to hunt down Fallen Angels.

Blood gushing out from my mouth while the weird little flower enveloped me again with its vine, its name was not "fear" or "love". I still don't know what it name was. I spitted out blood from my mouth several time, my head hurt so much that it could break.

_You only have to be honest to yourself and your own fate."_

I decide not to go back to my home anymore. It has become the Light World territory, those Angels will hunt me down if I stayed there. I found a place where I could finally call "Home". It belong to Dark World. So the light won't be able to reach that place. No one would find me here, no one.

When I moved to that place, the black hood boy gave me two boxes, big one and small one. The big one contains a puppy which later I name him "Snow." While the small box which contains the note "Don't forget this" stuck on top of it which contained my priceless treasure, my pendant, the pendant which was given by my mother and was more important than my life.

But how did he know about this. That black hood boy was really mysterious.

_Tell me why, or why not. Complaining way too much,_

Moment of curiosity took me for a while, I wonder how the school going on? What happened while I was gone? Was Kaito ... still smiling like usual?

The weird flower got in my way, but I was able to get past it. I hide at the dark alley across from my school. And there I saw him, talking happily like usual with his friends, nothing changed. I smiled bitterly, whether I existed or not it didn't matter after all. Unlike him, no one needs me, the weird flower bloom further as I watched him from darkness.

Living in dark world making my standard life different from other people, I slept in the morning and work at night, while they did it reversely. At night no one from Light world will hunt me, they were too afraid of dark.

But I was naive, once again. I accidentally bumped into him, yes The Angel who supposed to hunt me. Thanks to the hood which covered my face, he didn't know that I was The Fallen Angel he was hunting. I quickly gather all the things scattered on the ground in one swoop and leave him.

He called to me, but I ignore him. I don't want to die yet. He will definitely kill me if he saw my face.

_Maybe I overlooked something fatal for me._

I lost my pendant, I was so desperate. My body turned lifeless at the moment, I don't know what to do anymore. That pendant was my soul. A body without soul was nothing but a doll.

That was when he appeared with the pendant on his hand. My mind went crazy at the moment, I immediately grab the knife I always prepare for and aim it at him. Shock hit his face at that moment, I could tell. He said he won't hurt me, but it was bullshit. If he knew who I am, he will hunt me down.

Slowly he placed the pendant on the floor and retreated. As he finally gone from my sight, my leg lost the power to support my body any longer. I fell to ground while coughing out blood, staining the floor of my home. I dragged my body towards the pendant and held it on my chest tightly.

With tears falling down from my eyes, I was so relieved that it came back to me.

_There is nobody who knows there will be nobody._

The black hood boy visit me today, he was mysterious as always. But for me, perhaps he was the only one who understood me, but he said he didn't intend to get along with me. Saying that he simply watched to which path I would walk. Hearing it made me sad, but I realize nothing in this world was free. The world was not my mother, if I fail I died, it was that simple. This cruel world won't grieve for someone like me, it always show no mercy to anyone who lived in it.

Putting that aside, I always wonder about that black hood boy. Who was he? And what was his face looks like?

_Except for me, all the world has gone mad._

Before I went to my work place, the black hood boy came and introduced me to his friends. A boy wearing white zipped jacket with hood covering half of his face. But unlike the black hood boy, the moment we met, the white hood boy open his hood, letting me saw his face.

He introduced himself as "Sennagi Kugetsu", a doctor with his pitch black hair and creepy smile which could freeze anyone who looked directly into his eyes, the black hood boy told me, Kugetsu will check my condition before I stepped into the stage.

Based on the quick check, Doctor Kugetsu told me I suffered mental illness, which means my mental would be unstable sometimes. I would compare something in my life with other things most of the time. Other than that, he told me, the disease I got was incurable. He told me to spend my life as long as possible.

I told him that I already know about it and only wanted to spend my life doing what I wanted. He was surprised when I said so, but later he chuckled, praising what a strong girl I am.

_So what is forgiveness you are willing to withhold?_

I heard his voice, today on the stage. Where everyone was supposed to go home, I saw him on the stage, singing. I was supposed to run away, but his voice caught me off guard. I could not stop listening to it. Angel's voice has captivated my mind. I kept listening to it till the end.

Our eyes caught each others, but the darkness helped me to hide myself. I run away, but he followed me to home.

I threatened him not to step any further with the knife in my hand and he did so.

He kept asking me questions, sometimes I ignore, and sometimes I agree. The process kept repeating till I noticed that he suddenly fall asleep.

I pulled a blanket on him, and then I was traced back to his face. How long we have not seen each other. On that night, I gently kissed him one last time before leaving a message beside him.

_What is the well-being you are willing to make?_

Why?

Why?

Why?

Was this my sins?

Was this my punishment?

Snow was my only friend, my only friend!

On that day, when I went to work, suddenly a bunch of people approached me. I was scared, so scared but Snow protected me. He fought them bravely, but it was also because of that ... he died. One kick send him flying to road, he was unconscious on the road. As a car run past him, the world painted in red filled my sight. I could not see other colors, other than red.

His body was crushed, blood spreading like a pool around him. I vomited immediately, but it was also blood which coming out from my mouth. My body was shaking, shaking so strong that I could not hold myself to stand. Those people who responsible for him ran away in an instant, strangely, no tears on my eyes.

"Why didn't you took me instead!" I shouted on the street which drew people's attention. But no one cared. It was a small accident after all. They acted nothing happened.

I laugh

I laugh

I laugh insanely

Now I was back to a lower level than Kaito

_Now what? So what? Don't you come interrupt me, oh please, while I am interrupting myself._

* * *

Along the way to home, I kept laughing without reason. Why I laugh? Because I like it. I like the fact that the world snatched everything away from me. Was there other reason? It was because the weird flower told me.

I laughed and tears leaked out from my eyes. Finally the laugh went down when I reached home.

I don't know anymore.

Was there any hope?

I don't know.

With face without emotion, tears kept flowing non stop. I thought my tears has died already.

Fallen Angel didn't deserve a happy life. Because they are fallen, no longer able to go back to the world where The Sun shine.

My body lean to the corner wall, I took the knife from my pocket.

I saw the skin on my hand was still clean, I grease the knife on it.

I saw the skin on my leg was still clean, I grease the knife on it.

I saw the skin on my body was still clean, I ripped open the cloth in the middle which covered my chest and grease the knife on it.

Kept doing so till crimson river streaming from it.

What was pride? I don't need it, I grease the knife on my face. I was ugly from the beginning after all.

No one will loved me, so why would I still care about my face?

I don't know what I looks like now, as I felt the sticky liquid dripping from my face.

My arms, legs and chest were all covered with countless scars I made for myself.

The blood was not enough, even though I have ripped open so many wounds, it was still not enough to create a pool of blood. I tried to grease again, but my arm lost its power, sending my knife clattering on the floor.

I heard sound ...

A faint footstep...

And someone's voice ...

Be it Grim Reaper or Angel ...

I don't care anymore ...

I felt it getting closer to me. The shadow told me he was right in front of me, kneeling down. That was when the light chased away the shadow which hide my body.

His eyes widened the moment he saw me.

I looked into his eyes, he looked into my eyes.

Finally he saw my true form, a Fallen angel.

I could saw the shock on his face, his eyes were so wide that it could break at any moment. So what? You know who I am now, right?

Hate me now, because I also hate you.

The moment I saw your life, I already hated you.

I hate you as much as I love you.

But now nothing left within me other than hate.

I hate you because you are not alone.

I hate you because you could smile while I cry.

I hate you because you don't trust me.

I hate you because you don't believe me.

I hate you because you have better life than me.

I hate you because you exist in my life.

I hate you because you love me.

I hate you because you hate me.

I hate you because you were always forgiven.

I hate you because you could live inside the Light world without worry.

I hate you because you are an Angel while I was Fallen.

I hate you because you kept hunting me.

I hate you because everyone admire you.

I hate you because everyone loved you.

I hate you because everyone never gave you fake smile.

I hate you because of what you are.

I hate

I hate

I hate

I...

I hate you

The weird flower which bloomed inside me was called "Hate."

As people said,"The difference between love and hate was as thin as a paper."

* * *

Disclaimer :I do not own the song mentioned here or Vocaloid

Song : Why or why not? By Katakiri Rekka


	10. Chapter 10 : World of Madness

_ The entire world was mad_

_ I spin and spin_

_ Inside this rotten world who hate me_

_ From start till the end _

_ I was only a puppet to darkness_

_ They lured me with sweet words_

_ And I took the bait_

_ Only to be tortured cruelly_

_ Light burned me_

_ Darkness ate me_

_ The world looked insane_

_ Cause I was also insane_

_ So sweet_

_Very sweet_

_ Too sweet_

_ I can't resist any longer_

_ The darkness was too delicious_

_ I can't stop letting them embracing me_

_ Even when I knew the truth_

_ Nothing changed_

_ I was driven mad_

_ By sweet life inside darkness_

_ I let them touched me_

_ I drowned myself inside the endless dark river_

_ They hurt me_

_ But I still laughing_

_ Even my tears say otherwise_

_ It so painful  
_

_ But it felt good_

_ They offered me a poison apple_

_ I ate it_

_ It was poisonous_

_ But I took the venom without hesitation_

_ I could no longer return_

_ I have gave myself to darkness_

_ I belong to darkness_

_ Don't save me out from this darkness_

_ Because I love them_

_ More than anything else_

_ Even if they hurt me_

_ But I love the pain_

_ Love the torment_

_ How many times I have hurt myself?_

_ I have forgot_

_Forgot_

_Forgot_

_Forgot_

_ I wanna laugh when in pain_

_ Cause it was fun_

_How I love when my body crying for help_

_How I love blood flowing out like a flood_

_How I love hurting my face in front of the mirror_

_How I love the hurt on my mouth when I ate those glass shards_

_How I love the hurt on my leg when I stab them with knife_

_How I love the hurt on my arm when I drowned them into boiling water_

_How I love the hurt on my head when I kept bumping them to wall_

_ So much fun_

_ Too much pleasure_

_I can't stop_

_can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop can't stop_

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_Don't save me from this endless pleasure_

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A heavy rain happened in the city while the clock stuck its long hand at 11th number. Signaling when the moon positioned on the highest peak at night. The angry droplets of water falling like a meteor shower, showering the city of silent. So hard that people on the side road was as if they were blind, they could no longer see the view on the street clearly because those angry waters pouring madly.

The black hood boy was no exception. He was annoyed with the fact that the rain blocked his line of sight. Almost like a curtain was pulled to interfere with his vision. Finally he decided to go through those waterfall curtains, but before he could enter the world behind it, the phone inside his right pocket ringing suddenly. It rang so strong as if signaling some kind of emergency.

The boy picked up his phone and answered the person who contacted him immediately without looking who it was.

"Hello. Black Hood boy here," he answered

"Finally I could reach you! Where are you now!" the other party on the phone shouted like madman which made him narrowed his eyes showing his confusion.

"Kugetsu? What's wrong? It's rare for you to get panic like this?"

"Listen, but please don't get panic after you heard what I said,"

It was Unknown what the doctor said towards the boy on the phone. But for the first time, the hood showed one of his eyes which grow wide after his ears processed every word which the doctor told him. The eyes of shock turned into eye of hatred, he gritted his teeth strongly as if he wanted to break each one of them.

"That idiot! He dug her grave!" the black hood boy shouted full of anger.

…

…

…

A few meters not far from the black hood boy position, a blue haired boy was running under the heavy rain which kept hitting him. He didn't care when they kept hitting him, he kept running while his head looking around, searching for something.

He blamed himself for letting her go twice. The chaos started from the moment when he let her go during that accident. The past was rewinding like a roll of video inside his head, returning to that unexpected encounter with the truth that he didn't realize.

…

…

…

_Under the moonlight, I saw the familiar face behind that hood that hide the fact from me. It was her. I have been searching for her this entire time. But I never realized she was closer than I thought._

"_Mi-Mi-Miku?"the shock struck me, but I was snapped immediately._

"_Why didn't you tell me! I have been searching for you this entire time!" I grabbed her shoulder and shook her hard enough to let her hood fell, revealing additional nightmare that shocked me. At the same time with the moonlight shone fully on her body which added a new shock._

_Bruises_

_Scars_

_Wounds_

_It was all which decorating her entire body, even her face was no exception. Crimson color painted almost her entire body, almost there was no blank spot left on her body._

_I didn't want to ask further since everything already too obvious in my eyes. My hand reached out to her, wanting to carry her._

_But in an instant her teeth flung towards my hand and bit it. I yelped in pain, her teeth almost like a Dracula's fang, penetrating my flesh. She was serious, I quickly shook her away and she let my hand go. But within that moment, I let my guard down. With her bleeding feet she jumped from the 3__rd__ floor to the street._

_Everything happened too sudden. I could not register every one of them inside my mind. I heard a bone cracked sound received inside my ear and without hesitation my body reacted before my brain could gave command. I looked down to the street where she jumped. She was lying there like a broken doll. _

_My feet also didn't want to wait the command from my brain and carried me immediately through the stairs to the first floor. My ears warned me something bad gonna happen soon as they told me that they heard a sound of thunderclap. My eyes giving me direction towards the pitch black sky which blocked the moonlight._

_Finally my feet were able to take me to that place where she lied down. One thing after another happened, I remembered she was there, but now she was gone from that spot. I could not believe what my eyes saw. Nothing was there, only pool of blood, but there was no body there._

_I approached the pool of blood and looked around. Not far from my sight, I found her moving towards the street with trail of blood behind her. Her hood no longer covering her teal hair which I used to love, but now was stained with blood. _

_She didn't move so fast, so I quickly ran towards her, but the pitch black sky suddenly became my enemy, showering me with countless waters which preventing me from reaching her. I could not saw anything in front of me because of them. _

_But my ears could hear what she said through the noisy rain sounds._

"_You won't be able to hurt me Kaito! I have darkness on my side! You will never catch up to me!"_

_With those words, within my blurry sight, she disappeared. My fingers dug through my pocket in the midst of angry storm, I took out my phone and activate the GPS system. I could no longer rely to my sight right now._

…

…

…

Meanwhile on the other place where crowd of people hanging around within the dark huge room where music was played, a girl with teal color mixed with red color hair entered from behind the stage, grabbing the attention from each of those people who was busy with their own business before.

As their eyes were locked into the fallen angel whom stood behind the microphone, they shout insanely towards her although they could saw each wounds and bruises on her body. But they didn't care about it. All they wanted now was for her to taint them with that sinful voice of her, the cursed voice which could satisfy them.

They grew impatience already, some people even fighting with other during the shout within the darkness. A girl fell to the ground because of the crowd which pushed her from behind. Those people acted as if nothing happened, to be much worse, she was killed with every feet which stepped on her body.

The fallen angel smiled sadly with tears streaming down before she grabbed the microphone strongly and start to chant her curse towards them, the curse to drown people inside the land of madness.

_**Please don't let my love turn out**_

_**To be such a tragedy just like Juliet's was**_

_**Please take me far away from here**_

_**That's my only desire**_

As the first verse was chanted, they raised their hands towards the sky, screaming with pleasure with the curse stinging their body. Their voice echoing like a quake inside the black room, like they don't care if their vocal cord broke.

_**I say goodnight to both my mommy and my daddy**_

_**I really hope tonight they sleep so very soundly**_

_**Right now it's time for the grown-ups to go to bed**_

_**The taste of caramel is pure intoxication**_

_**I shyly cross my legs, imagining sensations**_

_**I wonder how far we will be going tonight**_

_**Please be gentle and be nice. Please hold me very tight.**_

_**The taste of bitterness, I truly hate it you know**_

_**I blame the sweet things I've tasted ever since I was a little girl**_

_**Everything that we don't know how they enchant us so**_

_**But don't you think that everyone thinks like that though?**_

_**Just show me everything and give me all you've got**_

_**I'll show you all that I am and more**_

The entrance to the dark room was suddenly opened, revealing the blue haired boy with soaked cloth and gasping for air. His view was like a broken TV screen, he saw madness inside the room with her leading them as Fallen Angel. He knew what he needed to do right now, he need to save the Fallen Angel before darkness tear her further away from him.

_**Longing for love, oh, Cinderella**_

_**Even with just her uniform on she'll keep running**_

_**Could it be that time can magically freeze**_

_**Before the evil villains catch and try to stop her?**_

_**The ever running maiden Juliet**_

_**But really please don't call her by that horrid name now**_

_**That's right, you see, with two of us we're complete**_

_**If that's not the case, then it would be so boring**_

_**Will you stay with me until death do us part?**_

He struggled within the river of sinful mortal which was driven mad with her sweet curse. He tried to get closer, but those mortal would halt him from reaching her. It was as if they were protecting her from him. A fear attached to him within this situation, he knew something bad would happen if he didn't reach her before she finished her song.

_**I put on mascara to make myself look older**_

_**Please just forgive my lies; I wanted to be bolder**_

_**Tomorrow, I promise to be better for you**_

He knew her voice was not like this, it was as beautiful as her usual song. But there was something different that separated this song from her previous song. He tried hard to maintain his insanity. The song was trying to corrupt him. One false step and he would end up like those people who were cheering for her. It was very wrong, her voice didn't sound like this, and it used to be more soft and gentle. Not so cold and seductive like this. The curse pierced his ears, sending chill to his nerves, even he could start to felt his sanity drifting further away from him.

_**The border that is made of black lace is the only**_

_**Thing that protects me from doing things so unholy**_

_**I wonder how far we can cross that line tonight**_

_**I knew from the very start though it tore me apart**_

_**The truth is I was first to fall so deeply for you**_

_**But daddy didn't seem to like it and never wanted us to be**_

Lust contained inside the song which flowed out from her sinful lips. Even man, even woman, they all wanted her body. The song lured them to stimulate the vine of lust enveloping their body. They wanted her, they wanted everything from her. They wanted each piece of her body, even it meant to tear her apart and kill her.

_**With his hands outstretched to me, he said he'd care for me**_

_**But in reality he blinded me to the ground**_

_**Please take me far away, so far, my Romeo**_

_**I do not care if the whole world knows**_

It was no exception for him, lust embraced his body gently. He wanted his hand to touch her, his tongue to lick her and his lips to kiss her. His hands start driven mad by the insanity of her voice, it wanted to touch every part of her body. They were curious. Curious what kind of sensation it was when their skin connected with her body. Was it endless pleasure?

He tried to fight back, but her voice kept corrupting him, he struggled both within the river of sinful mortal and river of insatiable desire.

_**The bells are ringing, Oh, Cinderella**_

_**She drops her glass slippers on the ground for her prince**_

_**The evil dreams are out to steal them away,**_

_**you have to find them before they can find a way how.**_

_**Now I know how the story goes**_

_**It was no accident Cinderella dropped them**_

_**Now I see we are completely the same**_

_**We were desperately wanted your attention**_

_**I've always been here. Will you ever look at me?**_

The beautiful spell chanted has put him further away from his sanity. It was luring him to taste her body. Luring him inside a never ending sweet dream, a sweet dream he never thought before. Through the song she wanted to tell every one of them who listened to her that her body belonged to them and she was their fallen angel.

In front of Fallen Angel, sin was allowed, no one will punish them here. Rather she encouraged them to do every sinful thing they could right now. Within the Fallen Angel Utopia, every one of them were allowed to taste all kind of sweet sins, they don't need to ask permission or forgiveness. She encouraged them to do so.

_**Into the deepest of my heart, do you want to know what I have there?**_

_**The darkest of my desires, can you see it's filling everywhere?**_

_**But it's not completely full yet. I need to fill it up to the brim.**_

_**Fill me up until it overflows and then overpowers you**_

_**But then if that happens, it'd be pointless**_

The black hood boy entered inside the room of sins. He could saw from afar the Fallen Angel which standing on the stage, singing with sweet and sinful words. The moment he saw all madness happened around him, his head started to hurt, not because he was tempted. But it was his memory, like broken TV screen, his head recalling memories which he was searching for. But only some fragment of it, inside the TV screen of his head was the same, the madness of humans within the mountain of corpses. All cheering, laughing madly.

_**I never thought happiness could be found **_

_**In smaller packages than the one I'm in now**_

_**What should I do? At this rate, I think it seems**_

_**That you would hate me too just like everyone else does**_

_**My parents, I know they will never change. **_

_**Papa and mama don't listen to me always**_

Seven sins drowned all who listened to her. Her song was embodiment of a story, a sinful story which should not be told, a song which should not be known, and a spell which should not be chanted.

Demon Beelzebub cursed a man on the bar. He kept drinking nonstop, like he would die if he stops drinking now.

Demon Mammon cursed a woman wearing the luxury cloth in which she snatched each wallet falling from those driven mad mortal.

Demon Belphegor cursed a boy not to move from his spot, he kept staring at fallen angel with his mouth slightly ajar.

Demon Satan cursed two women pulling each others hair, satisfying their own anger even though they didn't know each other.

Demon Asmodeus cursed the blue haired boy with her scent of lust, tempting him to rape the Fallen Angel on the stage.

Demon Lucifer cursed the Fallen Angel with his kind hug, telling her that she is the God.

_**I've always said it's better to be honest**_

_**The thing that dropped was the golden axe on our heads**_

_**You've lied too many times, Cinderella**_

_**It seems like you've been eaten by the big bad wolf now**_

_**What should I do? At this rate I think it seems**_

_**That I'd be eaten too. Oh, please don't let that happen.**_

Just a bit and he could reach into her throne of darkness. His eyes warned him about the clock which hanging on the wall behind her. The song would end when the clock struck at the 12, it was also signaling a new chaos which born from the end. He didn't want to imagine what would happen if he failed to reach her before the song ended.

His cellphone ringing in the middle of it, but he could care less about it. The phone fell to the floor as he struggled through those river of mortal.

His feet were only a few steps left and her sweet curse was only a bit left from perfectly chanted. Time slowed down as each one of them was one steps away from reaching their goal.

_**Before that day comes, save me from this awful place.**_

Hands of clock both stopped at number 12.

His feet reached the stage.

Her song ended.

He was nearly driven mad by lust.

But he was able to fend it off.

But he was too naïve.

_I was so jealous of the weak one._

Demon Leviathan cursed him with envy, both his hand landed on her neck, trying to strangle her to death.

The Fallen Angel struggled for air as the Angel tried to absolve her.

Chaos bloomed inside that room, but no one approached those two. People screamed in panic. Flame from hell has conquered the room. All of them ran for their life before the flame of hell able to surround them.

The only one who didn't care about this was Kaito, his envy made him ignored everything around him. Right now He just wanted her to disappear, once and for all.

During the chaos, the cellphone which he dropped before received a new text message.

It reads: "Take Miku away from there now! I will burn this place!"

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own vocaloid or the song mentioned here.**

**Song : Romeo and Cinderella**


	11. Chapter 11 : A Certain Blue Boy's Diary

_I was so jealous of the weak one_

_Like her_

_One by one they left me_

_Even my best friends_

_I have natural talent which attract people_

_And could easily become close to them_

_The first time I realized this_

_I thought it was a gift_

_But soon I realize_

_It was a curse_

_A never ending curse_

_Relationship started with encounter_

_And ended with farewell _

_That law always worked in my life_

_I have so much happiness that others don't_

_I was happy_

_But in blink of eye _

_Fate stripped my happiness_

_It hurt_

_Hurt so much_

**_23__rd__ November 2004_**

_My best friend died_

_Because of illness_

_That day I shut myself inside my room. Screaming nonstop, crying nonstop. Not really care even when blood came out from my mouth. The agony was too strong, I could not calm myself. _

_My sister saved me, she cried with me. Stroking my hair, patting my head, hugging my fragile body, she made me felt safe. Each passes of seconds, she tried to stay by my side as much as possible._

_My parents decided for us to move away, so that I could forget about it. I agree with them. I thought by moving away, I could escape from this sadness._

**_20__th__ February 2005_**

_It was my birthday today. I was so happy, even though I was already 16, birthday was always the only thing which I expecting. My sister also felt happy for me. Mom and Dad told me that they would buy me a big cake. In which made my sister burst with happiness, cause they knew my sister like sweet, so do I. _

_Both I and sister then decided to greet them at the station._

_At that night, I could saw both of them waving their hands at me. Smiling happily, walking on the way towards us._

_And then two cars hit them immediately, each got one. The smile lingered in my lip but my eyes say otherwise. The white cake mixed with red color, the crimson color of despair. Pool of blood formed in the area, and my sister quickly took me away from there. But my face stills stay the same, a smile with terrified eyes._

_From that day on, I could no longer heard their voice._

**_24__th__ April 2005_**

_Nothing left inside me after that incident which ended my happiness with one turn. I was back to empty room where I scream and cry, but this time … I didn't cry. Instead the smiling lip and terrified eyes didn't leave me. I wasted my time sitting on my bed in my room. _

_My sister cried besides me several times. Sister was a strong girl, but I wasn't. Day by day she kept comforting me whenever there was time. Other than that she went to work, she could not hold the sorrow any longer when she saw me turned like a broken doll. I understand this, but my mind doesn't. _

_Despair has eaten me alive. I wished that I was born as an empty shell with no emotion. I wished I don't have this natural talent. I shut myself inside my room, scared to face people anymore. _

**_23 July 2006_**

_The blank canvas inside me was suddenly cast away today. _

_On that day, I heard heavy footsteps outside of my room, I thought it was sister. But as I heard crashing noise outside, my thought was disturbed at the moment. Slowly, I get off from my bed, reaching the door which leads to World of Light. _

_I saw him_

_The man with black robe_

_Everything was a mess inside the house, objects scattered everywhere. It was a burglar, but I could not felt panic at all, nothing at all._

_Somehow I startled the guy, he quickly rush towards the entrance, but then I saw sis who just come back from work, standing there._

_And the familiar accident took place once again, reviewed within my eyes. White pointed metal change color to red as it reached my sister body. Sis's body immediately fell to ground._

_The guy ran away_

_Leaving my sister body on the floor _

_And me who could only watch the scene unfolded again_

_Once again_

_I was alone_

**_28 February 2007_**

_I moved to a new school, the environment was great and the people there were nice. Once again I used my natural talent to form friendship, without having fear to lose them anymore. _

_Within one month, without I realize, so many people already around me. I was back inside my garden of happiness, I was so happy. Whether it was teacher, student or gardener, each one of them formed a friendship with me. The fear of losing no longer exist inside me, I can't stay sad forever. I need to move on, or else sister, mom and dad would be sad._

**_3__rd__ March 2007_**

_That day I saw her, poor little girl, the one who has a complete opposite life of me. She was bullied few times, and every time, I would accidently saw her suffering under the hands of those students. They splashed water at her and threw her book to the pond, leaving her there helplessly._

_I approached her, helping her picking up scattered belongings. The moment when her eyes met mine, I was stunned._

_I fell in love at the first sight, her beautiful eyes that reflect the color of the ocean made me felt calm. Same like the eyes which my sister has. So beautiful that made me blush immediately. I felt nervous all in sudden. My hands were trembling, my heart thumping fast, blood flowing madly inside my vein._

_I could not say anything, the words stuck in my throat. I didn't understand what made people said that she was ugly. I guess there were things which other people could not see while I could._

_Once again, I found another person to love._

**_20__th__ March 2007_**

_We accidently meet in the library, when she was crying at the corner. Her tears filled-blue-iris stares at me with fear when I saw her. Her two hands shielding her head, she shivered in fear, thinking that I was going to hit her._

_I didn't know what to do, so in the end I chose to sit beside her, waiting for her tears and fears gone away._

**_4__th__ April 2007_**

_Gradually, you get used to me sitting beside you. For the first time I heard your gentle voice which made me blush. I was finally able to see your smile, you no longer crying when I was with you. You were giggling instead. I was so happy to stay with you like this. But at the same time, I was so jealous of you. Because you never know what does it felt when the happiness you built shattered suddenly._

_You already have pain from beginning, while I must kept living between them. It's not fair._

**_14__th__ April 2007_**

_You cried again today,_

_You were really such a crybaby_

_You smiled in front of me, even though you want to cry so much. I saw you crying countless of times without you noticing me. _

_Did you still not trust me?_

_Or you didn't want to worry me?_

_You know, I didn't know whether to call you crybaby or rigid. I think you are both of it. You smiled in front of me, but you cried behind my back. You only cried in front of me once, when we first met._

**_20__th__ April 2007_**

_I could saw crimson pink color painting your face today. I was thinking that you might be sick. You were pretty talkative, I thought you were more to those shy type one. _

_You fell asleep suddenly in library while we were in the middle of studying. Did you stay up late again to study? I told you to take care of your health more._

_Your sleeping face …_

_Is just too cute in my eyes_

_I could not hold my urge to caress your face any longer. I touched your face gently, not wanting to wake you up. Your cheek was so soft and fluffy, as white as marshmallow. I intend to hold your hand, but I stopped myself from doing so._

_If I went any further, I might hurt you._

**_25__th__ April 2007_**

_You said that you loved me_

_I thought you were joking when you said that_

_But you were not gonna said something like that as a joke, don't you?_

_My doubt crashed when you asked me to go out. Was this a dream? If yes then please let me sleep inside this sweet dream forever. But this was not a dream. I could felt the warmth of your body when you suddenly hugged me after I said "okay"._

_For the second time, you cried in front of me. You were really such a crybaby. But this time no holding back anymore, you cried in joy. _

_That day… only the blue sky that knew what happened._

**_30__th__ April 2007_**

_Since the day we started going out, I begin to have unhealthy mind towards you. My hands wanted to touch you whenever you scooted closer to me. I permitted them to hug you, but then another thought came after another._

_I want to touch my lips to yours', and that was the cause of the accident which made me snatched away your first kiss._

_I could felt your breath against my mouth as our lips connected. I knew you were surprised. One thing leads to another. I nibbled your bottom lip, begging for entrance. And you opened it for me. _

_Your lip was as sweet as honey but as dangerous as venom. I could not stop licking every part inside your mouth. I can't stop. Several times, our tongue would touch each other's. I heard you moaned whenever I was devouring inside of you._

_But I stopped immediately once our lip parted away. If it went any further, you might cry. Cause I will hurt you with my envy._

**_May 5__th__ 2007_**

_You said that you were happy when finally no one bullied you and people talked to you. But once again I saw your forced smile. What again which made you unhappy? Why didn't you tell me? Did you not trust me?_

**_May 6__th__ 2007_**

"_I already told you, it's not like we want to talk to you. We talk to you because you are Shion's girlfriend."_

_I heard those words, so that was what made you unhappy. You should have told me, but you didn't._

_Why?_

_Aren't we lovers? I don't understand_

_I saw you crying in the corner of library again, hiding yourself among the books. Hoping that no one gonna notice you. But I can't pretend that I didn't notice you, I saw you there. _

_I wanted to comfort you, but jealously stopped me._

_I was jealous of your weak self. No one would be attracted to you. You were the complete opposite of me. _

_It was unfair. _

**_May 12__th__ 2007_**

_Slowly, I get used to touching you and you get used to me touching you, although mostly you will blushing when I hugged you. _

_We have some kind of code as couple which only both of us knew. It was pretty funny to use this kind of code, but somehow I became attached to it. I like the expression of your angry pouting face when I suddenly text you a message saying something urgent which turned out to be a lie._

_But you still cry a lot behind my back, you were really a crybaby. Did I really that unreliable? It pains me to see you crying. I always thought what my sister would do in this kind of situation. She would stay by my side. But I was not sister, I have … envy towards you. I might hurt you._

**_June 23th 2007_**

_The urge to hurt you grew stronger as my jealously towards you rise. I tried to hold myself several time from hurting you. But at the same time, I wanted to stay beside you. We could only meet three times a day. That's enough to make me wanting to tear you apart. _

_I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt you. You are important to me, but it just so painful and suffocating. The envy inside me just can't stop berserk. I hate you so much that I wanted to break you. _

_I hope the Reaper would take me away from this world, I didn't wish to became a monster._

**_July 13__th__ 2007_**

_My world shattered along with your smiling face._

_I saw the photo which was broadcasted around the school._

_What were you thinking? Why were you doing this?_

_I shouted at you in anger, but you only stay silent. Say something already. I was so serious about this relationship. Yet you think it as nothing. I hate you so much._

_We ended our relationship on that day. I didn't wish to see you anymore._

_Small part inside me felt relieved, because if things turned out like this, I won't be able to hurt you anymore. I could no longer control myself from hurting you, but another side of me was screaming in pain. Was I the only one who took this relationship seriously?_

_Was everything a game for you?_

**_July 16__th__ 2007_**

_Ever since our break up, you never showed up at school anymore. I pretend not to notice it, but I couldn't. The hole inside me was still too big. They made me remember you each time I glanced at your seat. But then it would drift back into my act of jealously and how you betrayed me. _

_I was hurt by my curse once again, you didn't leave me, but you hurt me. You are important to me. I just could not forget you._

**_July 17__th__ 2007 _**

_One strange person suddenly appeared in front of my door. A boy with black zipped jacket with hood that covering half of his face. The first impression when I met him, I thought that he was a burglar. But after he came inside my house, all that doubts were erased, because he brought one huge bag of ice creams in his hand. _

_He said the ice creams were for me and asked whether he could become my acquaintance by doing so. Although I wanted to refuse, but somehow the way he act made me wanted to laugh, it was so funny. I thought it won't hurt to accept his request._

**_July 20__th__ 2007_**

_Because of my curse, I get along with him within these past few days. Somehow it felt like having a little brother in my house, although he talked casually to me like a friend. And I gotta admit, he was pretty arrogant, but sometimes he might talk maturely which made me admire him._

_I told him about my past life, and he just listened to it, without any complaint. He was a good listener, not only he listened to it, but he also gave me advice, he was pretty straight forward though, using the word"idiot" and "dumbass" several times._

_There was one time when I told him about my relationship with you, also about my jealously problem. When he heard it, he shook his head and said, "You are a big idiot, Shion,"_

_Only that and he didn't say anything further._

**_July 22__th__ 2007_**

_I wish to meet you._

_I really wanted to meet you, my chest hurt whenever I think about you again. Hurt because both envy and hate struggling inside me. But I still wanted to meet you, no matter what. _

_I went to your house, but you were not there anymore. _

_I have decided. I will search for you._

**_September 13__th__ 2007_**

_I found you, _

_So you were beside me all this time_

_Why didn't you tell me?_

_I asked you but you only stay silent, I tried to ask further but stopped at the sight of your broken form, river of crimson decorating your body, your hands, your legs, your chest, and your face. Everything covered with countless scars and wounds. To be much worse, I saw the knife drenched completely in red on your hand. _

_I came to a conclusion… you were hurting yourself._

…

…

…

_In the river of people, I kept struggling not to lose my mind. Words could kill someone. It was not much different with music. A gentle music will enlighten the people who listened to it. But how about a wicked yet beautiful song like the one you were singing right now? It drove people onto the edge of madness, succumbing themselves to sin._

_Something struck my mind. If I could not reach you until the song was finished, something terrible will happen. Something which I could not explain, yet I knew what it was._

_Your voice, it was not used to be like this. It was more gentle and kind. Not seducing like this, it poisoned me with venom called "lust" awakening inside me. I need to reach you quickly, before I turn out like people around me who was drowned inside world of madness. _

_Several times, my hand would clutch my chest in pain, trying to make me remain awakened. Your voice was too dangerous, it slowly eating my consciousness away from me, replacing it with lust. _

_Too dangerous…_

_Danger_

_Danger_

_Danger_

_You were not allowed to live_

_I shall kill you with my hand_

_For the sake of my envy_

_Was it her or me?_

_Who drove me mad like this?_

* * *

The young boy hands were on her neck, strangling her with intention to kill. Among the flames of hell which spreading larger, his mind was completely shattered. He could no longer hold his hatred towards her, the hatred which was the fruit of his seed of envy.

The teal haired girl was struggling for air under the cruelness of his hand. She became scared, scared of him. His eyes were like a demon, casting fear inside of her. If it was not because of the situation right now, she might be screaming already. The girl tried her best to struggle, but it no use, his hands just tightening. Soon she found herself going to run out of breath.

To make the matter worse, the smoke from the flame around them made her suffer more. He didn't stop. His will to kill has surpassed his consciousness.

Tears streamed down from the poor girl eyes as her eyes trying to stay open.

"STOP IT SHION!"

One last voice registered to her ear, before she finally succumbed to eternal darkness, closing her eyes in despair.

"How was she?" the black hood boy asked towards Dr Kugetsu.

"Bad news or good news first?" reply the Doctor with a chuckle.

"Good news."

With the sleeping teal haired girl on the bed, both of the boys were now inside Miku's room. Doctor Kugetsu was treating Miku's wounds with the black hood boy helping him, other than those two, Nayu, the waitress at the restaurant which Kaito visit before, somehow also there helping Dr Kugetsu.

"No death danger, she just pass out." Instead of Dr Kugetsu, Nayu replied him.

"And the bad news?" asked the Black hood boy.

"If blue-boy read the text message I send him and quickly take her out of that place, then perhaps there might be no bad news." said Kugetsu.

"Just answer me!" said the black hood boy, raising his voice a bit. His patience was at edge, ready to burst anytime.

A moment of silence shrouded the room. Neither of them spoke, the black hood boy was starting to lose his patience. Seeing this kind of situation, Nayu tried to answer him, but before she could spoke, Kugetsu hand was in front of her mouth, halting her from speaking.

"Mental disorder getting worse, satisfied now?" the doctor replied.

He said nothing after hearing his answer, slowly moving towards the entrance of the room.

"Wait! Where are you going?" the black haired girl called out to him which stopped his feet from stepping further.

"None of your business." he replied, leaving the room.

"Looks like someone is getting angry~~" said the black haired doctor with playful tone.

…

…

…

Meanwhile, outside of the room, a certain blue haired boy was sitting in the living room, leaning to wall lifelessly. His face was buried between his knees which were folded.

The black haired doctor came out from his room and saw his broken form that was sitting on the floor. With a sigh, he approached and sat beside him.

"Worst crisis has passed, you could relax, boy… For now." No words came out from Kaito's mouth. He only stayed silent and not moving from his position.

The black haired boy scratched the back of his head," You are the first person I ever know who strangled his girlfriend, it's quite surprising." he chuckled, trying to annoy him.

"She is not my girlfriend," the blue boy spoke suddenly, replying him.

He was surprised for a bit when he suddenly spoke like that. But nevertheless, he continue, "You know, it might be just like what he said, things might be not really like what you think."

"But it does happen like what I think." Reply Kaito

The black haired boy sighed again after hearing his reply. "Why must you guys always so dishonest."

"You… guys?"

"He was also like this at first, and you are the 3rd dishonest person I ever met."

"He? You mean … that black hood boy?"

"Who knows." The doctor stand up, shoving his hand on his pocket, "I'm gonna leave soon, take care of her ok." With those words, he turned around, walking towards the entrance where Nayu already waiting for him.

"Wai-"before Kaito could finish his words, the doctor cut him off, "You are free to do whatever you want, do what you think is the best for everyone." He waved his left hand with his back facing him, and onward to the entrance, leaving confused Kaito behind him.

…

…

…

"Doctor, who was the first anyway?" on the road to home, suddenly Nayu asked him.

"Hm?"

"You said he is the 3rd one, and I know who the 2nd one is, but … I don't have any idea about the first one?" ask Nayu, getting curious with it.

A smile was formed in his lip as he lifted his head to gaze towards the never ending sky.

"My little brother."


	12. Chapter 12 : Glass Doll

_Both my hands were on her neck, clutching her._

_I was driven with intention to kill her._

_At last my hatred was reaching its peak._

_So this was the true form of my hatred, I never thought it would go so far till wanting to kill her._

_So all about those happy moments with her were all lies?_

_It was nothing more than a mask which shrouded my hatred?_

_So in the end, I was nothing but embodiment of envy?_

…

…

…

"_I was so jealous of the weak one."_

_With that one last thought, I was awakened from my sleep. To be exactly, I was finally woken up from my nightmare. I could felt sweats sliding on my face, my rapid breathing and chill on the surface of my skin._

_The light from the moon reaching the hallway along with the clock telling me it was midnight now. I guess I have fall asleep after that last conversation with the doctor._

_A certain teal haired girl image ran through my head while I was adjusting myself with the surrounding. _

_Now I remember…_

_Yeah, it was not a dream…_

_Then … she must be …_

…

…

…

_I didn't wish to think about it, but the silence instead caused me to drift back into that thought. This is her house, and I fell asleep here in living room. There were no noise from upstairs nor did I see any sign of someone ever in first floor. _

_She was still in her room. _

_I gulped down, feeling sweat starting to stream down on the skin of my face again. I didn't know what emotion was right to explain my situation right now. Perhaps it was nervousness mixed with fear, but I am not sure. It might be also hatred, and then I remembered the nightmare I just had._

_I was strangling her neck…_

_Tightly..._

_She kept struggling but I hold her down…_

_Her eyes were begging for me to stop…_

_But I ignored it…_

_My hands could not stop…_

_So does my mind…_

_The feelings of seeing her suffering face…_

_Her pleading and tearing eyes…_

_Scared face…_

_Somehow it made me felt satisfied…_

_But it was not enough…_

_More…_

_I want to see more…_

_Her painful expression…_

_Her begging voice…_

_I wonder to what point I could broke her…_

_Only strangling her gave me not enough pain…_

_I wanted to stain her…_

_Humiliate her…_

_Torture her…_

_Then my hands get tighten around her neck…_

_And then…_

_And then…_

_And then…_

_..._

_..._

_The dream came to an end..._

_..._

_..._

_What will become of me as the dream reached the end?_

_What lies at the end of my dream?_

_What will happen to me once I reach it?_

_I am afraid_

_I am scared_

_But I am curious_

_I started to think how fun it was to hurt her, the desire to hurt her, the curiosity to see the end of my dream, they all driving me mad._

_Without I realize, I was already soaked in my own sweats from so much of thoughts along with fear. _

_But the feeling when my hand touched her neck and strangled her was so pleasant._

_It was like when you step on a flower_

_Or paint the canvas black_

_That kind of pleasure_

_Insatiable desire_

…

…

…

The small door creaked open, letting out painful sound as it scraped against the hard wood floor. It was as if it didn't want to open, or let the blue haired boy stepped inside the room, as if trying to protect the sleeping Princess on the bed.

The boy hesitated in his steps, his mind didn't know whether this was a good idea or not. If by any chance she woke up and saw him, it would create another chaos like the one he experienced before.

Lot of thoughts was being judged inside his mind.

If she saw him, another chaos will occur. After you could sleep peacefully then the first thing you saw was the man who nearly killed you, no one could stand something like that. The girl will break ever more than she already has.

Oppositely, he did wish to see her ocean iris to open once again, looking towards his face just like old times. Being able to saw her again, really made him felt grateful. The feeling of lost inside him was now slowly being filled. Although he was not entirely sure yet that it had filled the hole entirely.

The envy was the only thing which never left him from the very first time he laid his eyes on her. He knew how much he hated her, how much he envy her for being someone who could only feel pain, someone who would never gain happiness no matter how much she tried.

While in the other hand, he could gain happiness and pain without doing anything. He was gifted with that kind of ability, the ability to let anyone smile at him no matter what. Or to be more precise he was cursed.

Then which one was more suffering, those who got everything yet in the end someone snatched it all away or those who got nothing from the beginning?

There are keys to every lock, answers to every question, but … are there hopes to every pain? Forgiveness to every mistake? And satisfactions to every desire?

As her body was caught inside his line of sight, the urge to hold her grew inside him. Her hand longed to touch her body once more, wanting to felt nostalgic sensation which once lingering between his fingers, the sweet taste which once touched his lip, the warmth which make him felt safe.

How he longed for his arm to wrap around her body once more, the ecstasy which run through the surface of his skin, an endless pleasure with no end. That was what he felt. His entire body understood what kind of sensation it was.

He moved his feet slowly, trying not to cause any noise to wake her up. He didn't wish she goes mad after she could finally able to calm down. Kaito lowered his body beside the bed, his gaze fixed on the teal haired girl whom body was facing towards his face.

Her breath hummed gently like an innocent child with her body slowly fall and rises from letting out a deep breath and inhale. He gotta admit that no matter how many times he has saw it, her sleeping face was always the one that never change.

Everything judged inside his mind vanished for a moment as he stared at the angelic face of the girl sleeping in front of him. She looked so innocent yet fragile, like a glass doll. He felt his face heated as he stared longer. She was cute and adorable, he knew that. But he never thought it would be so cute like this. The longer he stared, the more crimson crawled to the surface of his face.

But his eyes unintentionally traced back on the bandage left on her face. In which from beneath those bandage lie scar and bruises which she suffered. So many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn't know from where it should start.

"Miku …" he caressed her cheek gently while his eyes never leave her angelic face.

"Just what kind of life are you facing?" he murmured, feeling his tears wanted to drop at the moment.

"I have been searching for you all this time, you know."

He withdraws his hand at once, preparing to leave the room. But as he was gonna leave, he felt something pulling his sleeve.

Curious…

He glanced back a bit,

It was her…

Her hand was pulling his sleeve, even though her eyes were still closed.

His eyes were wide open as he saw one drop of water fell from the corner of her eyes. It was not long till he heard sobbing and hiccup voice, the small little voice which was enough to cancel his intention leave the room.

It was then he realized that she was indeed like a glass doll, beautiful yet fragile. Judging from her wounds, he could tell but could not count how many times she had broken. The urge to hold her come back as he saw how fragile she was. But this time it was not lust or sympathy.

It was passion….

The feeling in which he felt he need to hold to her, so that she won't fall.

So that she won't break….

So that she won't shatter….

The glass doll won't be as perfect as before once it shattered, nevertheless she has broken so many times.

She was nearly become formless….

…

…

…

_Darkness shrouded the room, not because the light was not strong enough to scare them away, but it was because the curtain blocked it from reaching inside. _

_The small light reached up to the bed through the gap which was not covered by the curtain, revealing her small fragile form taking a shelter on my body, with my arm wrapped around her waist and her hands clutching on my chest. The cry was still lingering, but I felt it somehow was better than before._

_She sobbed like a girl who was abandoned in rain before, crying for attention so that someone would look at her. But for now, it sounded more like a girl whom found her doll was gone. Like an innocent child._

"_I am sorry." She murmured between her cries._

_Followed with whimpering sound, I was thinking that she must have a sad dream right now. _

_But … I can't wake her…_

_I just … can't …right?_

"_I am sorry." She repeated it one more time as I felt her clutch on my chest got stronger._

_If I shook her a bit, it would be enough to wake her, but … what's gonna happen next after she wake up? _

_Her pain was prolonged whether she was awake or asleep. For what reason God would play something cruel like this to her, does fate really hate her that much? _

_Does miracle really scared of her? _

"_I am sorry." By the third time she said it more tears fell, seeping into my cloth._

_You were still a crybaby, or should I say rigid? You were either both of it. Just like in old days. Hiding all problems all by yourself, trying not to let me knew about it._

_But sadly, I knew all about your problems which you hide from me, but I never mentioned in front of you. _

_That … was in the past though…_

_As for right now, I didn't have slightest idea about what you have been through. I could only guess from what the scars and bruises on your body told me. _

_Or … perhaps I never have a slightest idea about you …_

_Not in the past nor now…_

…

_I moved one of my hands to the back of her head as she kept repeating those words continually like a broken radio. I pushed her closer towards the warmth of my body, stroking her hair gently. _

_I wish that by doing so, I could ease her pain little… by little…. _

_But things won't work out that easily right?_

_One day one thread, one year one cloth…_

_Even it gave a small effect only, I would still try to make pain leave your side little by little. _

_I know it slow …_

_But it was better than leaving you alone …_

_Slowly, I closed the distance of my head to hers, sticking our forehead together. I could felt her breath flowing through the gap on my lip and entered my body. As she did so unconsciously, it caught my attention at her cherry lip from where her whimper and breath came from._

"_Miku … please…. don't cry anymore … "_

…

…

…

_Tick_

…

_Tick_

…

_Tick_

…

_The arm of clock kept ticking which felt like eternity, telling me about stream of time which I didn't want to hear. Drops of rain start to hit the surface of the glass window, singing a loud harmony rhythm to wake up the princess sleeping on my arm. _

_But she could not still wake up yet …_

_At least not now…_

_I didn't wish her to wake up right now …_

_Not when I was here right now…_

_But God was against me, he send his tears down to earth to wake her. I quickly pulled the cover over her head, blocking those sound from reaching her. I swallowed the nervousness down through my throat, hoping she was still fast asleep. _

_The glass doll was still fast asleep. I let out the breath which I didn't realize that I kept holding. As the result, I quickly catch my breath in rapid pace, filling the air which I lost. Sweats trickled down on my face. Fear was showing his fang towards me, ready to tear me apart anytime._

_But it all vanished into nothing once again…_

_With her sleeping face portrayed in front of me…_

_It was not a self-assure, nor act of cheering myself…_

_But it was all genuine and natural just as her face entered the line of my sight, like it was part of beauty which resided in this world._

_Part of me can't believe, that I hate her,_

_Yet the other screaming with hatred,_

_All looked real yet felt false,_

_Which one was me?_

_Envy?_

_Lust?_

_Wrath?_

_All of it looked true, I was not even sure that they were fake. _

_Or perhaps all of them were me?_

_Or maybe I was not any of them?_

_My eyelids felt heavy all of sudden…_

_I slowly closed my eyes, welcoming dizziness to take away my consciousness._

_It didn't take long before all I could see was pitch black world._

…

…

…

"_What's so fun following me around?"_

"_It's a lot of fun!"_

"…"

"_XXXXX-XXX, where're we gonna go today? Ne ne, tell me~"_

"_It's "me" not "we", just go away, I don't have time with you"_

"_But~~ I wanna come with XXXXX-XXX"_

"_Don't call my name!"_

"_Ehehe~"_

"_Stop giggling, you know it's annoying!"_

"_Ah! Ok, I understand"_

"_Don't smile either!"_

"_Eh? But you like to see my smile"_

"_Sh-sh-shut up!"_

"_ehehe~"_

"_Wha-! Get off! You're heavy!"_

"_XXXXX-XXX"_

"_Wha-what!"_

"_I wXnX to XXXX XX your XXXX XoXevXr"_

"_I-I-idiot! W-what are you saying!"_

"_I XXXX you"_

…

…

…

Inside a small white room on a clinic, a boy wearing hoodie woke up from his deep slumber after witnessing a dream which came from the fragment of his memories. He Blinked his eyes few times before he scan the scenery around him.

"It's just a dream …" the boy whispered while looking at the palm of his hand.

"Did you sleep well?" a voice suddenly spoke to him from behind the curtain, but he didn't need to see who it was, because he knew to whom that voice belongs.

"Not really, you think I could sleep peacefully after what happened? And to realize the doctor who treat me is the one who burn down that place?" he replied the voice coldly.

From behind the curtain, the black haired doctor chuckled while he wrote another checkup data on his paper supported by a flat wood board with clip on the upper side.

"Relax. From this point on, I no longer want to get involved; everything is up to him now."

"Why did you destroy her only Utopia?" the hood boy asked, raising his voice a bit.

"You wish to let her go back to that place and let her stay as Fallen Angel forever? Aren't you cruel?" the doctor kept writing on his paper while talking to him, half paying attention to the boy.

"So you said you are not cruel for destroying her only home?" his hand clenched on the bed sheet hardly before he heard another chuckle came out from the doctor.

"Some fools in this world could only be cured by destroying their precious thing so that they would realize that "precious" was a mistake from the very start."

"And it's ok for her to stay with her worst nightmare?"

The words struck the black haired man suddenly as he stopped moving his finger on the paper anymore and instead stare at the shadow behind the curtain.

Silent shrouded the white room for a moment.

The doctor spun his chair around like a child which made the hood boy furious more.

"So what? I think its better." Kugetsu answered casually like it got nothing to do with him.

"YOU-!" the hood boy immediately pull the curtain in furious, but before he could yell further, the doctor cut him off.

"You should know no matter how far she run, there are nowhere left for her to live?" shout the doctor with stable yet stern voice.

One statement from the black haired man and it silenced anything he wanted to say.

It was a checkmate…

He knew nothing could be said further…

"Is there … no other method?" the hood boy hung his head low, looking to the ground, lowering his voice above whisper.

The once stern face softened a bit after he heard his words, "Other method will not keep her any longer from pain, and this is the most effective method." said the doctor while putting the paper and pen on the table.

The boy stayed silent once more … feeling nothing could be said.

"Besides …"

"I am afraid … there are nothing much we could do … it's best for you to use time wisely if you wanna find back your memories."

"What do you mean?" the words caught his attention immediately as he rose his head and stare at the doctor.

"I will tell you her name and as for the reason why Miku is related to finding back your memories, you will know it once you find back your memories." Kugetsu spun around his chair, facing his work table while saying those words.

"Her … name?" he hesitated for a moment when the doctor told him.

Finding back his memories was the only reason for him to live, and he knew the black haired guy in front of him knew everything about him. But he never wanted to tell him, not even a bit. No matter how many times he wasted, how many place he searched in this world, there were not even a bit trace of his memories.

It was like he didn't belong to this world.

And for now, he was willing to tell him a hint …

But he didn't felt happy…

Instead he felt a bit afraid…

This was supposed to be the moment he was waiting for…

The moment to open the gate to his misery….

Yet he felt scared all of sudden, like something inside him shout not to open that door…

Something was contradicting inside him, telling him not to remember those memories…

"You want it or not?" his words knock him out from his long-termed thinking,

He was scared ….

But he wanted to know…

To know the memories which he could not find no matter how long or how far he search within this world…

"Please tell me." the boy mumbled as if he didn't want him to hear his answer, his bangs covered his face, while his hands clenched in a fist, trying to fight back the fear inside him.

The doctor sighed when he heard his reply and he told him the next 4 letters which become the most important moment for him.

"XXXX"

…

…

…

Inside the dark room in which as if it severed it tie from the world outside of it, a young boy suddenly woke up drenched in sweat. His mouth kept open and closed slightly, catching breath in rapid pace. It was like he didn't breathe at all before.

The young boy put his hand on his forehead, trying to calm himself. It was another nightmare for another bitter night. This was not the first time something like this happened, the image of the teal haired girl died in front of him or vanished from his sight immediately.

And to be much worse, the culprit were always someone who wear a hoodie which covered half of its face. The boy smirked while in his left hand held a small knife drenched with blood.

"It was all a dream." He thought.

Once he switched his eyes to area beside him, his eyes widened with sudden fear.

Now he knew it might be no longer a nightmare…

It might come true…

…

…

…

On the hallway of a clinic, a young man with his face covered by his hood suddenly dashed out from the doctor room, rushing towards the entrance door. The girl with dark brown hair was startled when she saw him dashing out suddenly, she shout at him not to run but it seemed like it was useless as he was already far away from her sight.

It was like something chasing him, trying to rip him apart.

He didn't stop running,

He ran as fast as he could,

Ran till his breath become unstable…

Ran as if he wanted to tear his lungs apart…

It was Unknown to where he was running…

He might be running without destination…

But no one knew ….

Only the boy himself knew where his destiny lies next…


	13. Chapter 13 : Mortem

Inside an entirely white colored room, bunch of papers were scattered on the ground like flowers petal falling from the tree. There were no furniture at all, no lamp, just a shine from the window, papers on the floor, pencils, a keyboard and a girl with face half covered with hood that draw the picture on those papers.

The white door creaked open as another girl with hood come inside the room. Her teal hair fell from inside the hood which failed to cover it. She watched in silent the hood girl who kept drawing without noticing her presence.

After a while the hood girl finally noticed her. She put down her pencil and greeted her, "Ah! Welcome, sorry I was too focused."

"What are you drawing?" The teal haired girl asked.

"You mean this? Ah I was just drawing story" reply the hood girl.

"Story?" The teal haired girl tilted her head.

A big smile was formed on her face, "Yes, story."

…

…

…

"This one is about a prisoner and princess." She pointed at the picture of a boy inside cage visited by a pink haired girl. The Teal haired girl assumed the girl must be some kind of noble judging from her dress.

Miku felt strange…

"This is about an assassin who values his principal over anything else." She showed her a picture of a boy in black robe sitting alone under the tree, gazing at the sky.

It was definitely strange…

"What's his principal?" ask Miku with curiosity.

The girl put her index finger on her chin while thinking deeply, "If I remember correctly it was "Show no mercy to anyone who stand in my way.""

"Th-that's harsh."

"Ahaha I know, but he is that kind of person, not even his family could stop him."

The hood girl then continued searching for the next picture she wanted to show. Miku waited patiently at the corner, sitting with her knee folded, waiting for her to find the next picture.

It was strange indeed…

Suddenly coming into the white room and without she noticed, she has been listening to her story for hours.

But she neither felt bored or annoyed, instead it was comfortable. Those stories she told was pretty interesting, it caught her attention immediately. Sometimes it was a sad story, but there were also happy story. But mostly it was all tragedy, although there were few happy moment in it.

It sometimes told about fantasy, sometimes about school life. There were also some which take setting in middle age era in Europe just like the one she just told her, about the princess and prisoner who fall in love with each other but can't be together because their world was too different.

"Ah!" Miku was snapped back to reality by her sudden shout.

With a wide smile, this time she showed her a picture of a certain boy and girl standing side by side, holding hands. But since the picture look old already, Miku could not see their descrambled face clearly. The setting took somewhere in a place which looked like a library, any other than that she could not describe more about it.

"What's the story behind this one?"

The girl stay silent for a while, it seemed she didn't know how to describe it.

"How about I sing it for you? You will understand it once you listen to it."

"Sing?"

"Yes, each tale in this room has their own song." The hood girl moved towards the keyboard waiting at the corner of the room.

"Listen closely."

* * *

"_You sing a lot aren't you?"_

"_Yes! I like music so much that I fell in love with them."_

"_Nonsense."_

"_XXXXX-XXX, you don't like music?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Then can you sing?"_

"_It's a long story."_

"_Eh! So you can sing! Horray! I wanna hear you sing."_

"_Argh! Stop shouting! I already forgot how to sing."_

"_ne ne, let's sing together in that place sometime."_

"_Not promising."_

"_Yay! It's a promise then!"_

"_Hey! I said I am not promising!"_

"_Here!"_

"_Huh? What's with that!"_

"_It's pinky swear~"_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_...  
_

* * *

_I never understand why people hate to walk under the rain…_

_The feeling of waters hitting your body … the feeling of coldness sipping into your skin … it was so refreshing … There was nothing better than this … My only friend who won't leave me …_

_Ah yes … I could not stay too long … I need to run … run as far away from this place … to a place in this world where no one knew me exist…_

_To a world where my existence was nothing…_

_Because I learnt this place was never meant to be my home…_

_This place hate me … it despise me… so why should I stay here… no one wanted me here…_

_My half broken leg carried me with their best, moving to nowhere. I got nowhere to go … if I kept walking north … I wonder where I would end up. One thing for sure … there will be a gateway there … gateway to freedom…_

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…

_Yes…_

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_Let's go …_

_To where freedom waiting…_

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…

_Huff huff…_

_My breath seemed like was at limit, but I still want to move. I was still here; I need to get away as soon as possible. Right now all the Angels were sleeping; No one will realize that I escaped._

_The rain helped me by sheltering my body among their tears. I smiled unconsciously thinking that whenever I go, my faithful friend will always follow. It was nothing strange … seeing it was the only one I could trust. How strange … I was sure I already forget how to trust long time ago, yet I felt it was right to trust the rain which could not speak._

_It doesn't matter…_

_He will never betray me…_

_Never…_

…

…

…

_I wonder how long I have been walking, but I don't saw the gateway of freedom yet. The shadow of the building told me that I was still within the city, but they didn't tell me how far I was from the gate._

_I know that I was reaching limit, it felt so painful just to breathe. My feet could barely walk any further. But my mind didn't give up yet… I can't stop here can't I?_

_But why you guys stop? I am the one giving order here … then you guys were supposed to follow right. Then why stop? Why can't it move anymore … Why can't I … move further…_

…

…

…

_I was nowhere inside an old abandoned shop, sit leaning to window … watching those tear of my friend dropped to ground._

"_Thank you … don't cry for me …" I said … towards my friend, but he didn't reply, instead he keep crying…_

_It felt cold … when the surface of window glass touched my cheek. I looked at the reflection on the glass. _

_The girl inside the glass has an ugly face… she has a few red scar forming line on her face, if it's not scars then it would be bruise which spotted … How ugly … anyone who fell in love with this ugly girl must be insane … I chuckled in amusement when something pop out in my mind …_

_Ah yes … I am the ugly girl …_

_The ugly one who no one wished to love … the one who everyone wished to disappear…_

_Whenever I was alone like this … I would always think about the flow of life I experienced …_

_There were so many questions yet there were so little answers. There were millions of people in this world. From all those people, why I was the one suffering? They said life consist of happiness and sadness…_

_That was bullshit…_

_There were no thing called "happiness" exist in my life ever since the dead of my parents. There were only "pain" and "fake happiness". Those two were the only one left. In the end dog could only stay as a dog, they can't became god no matter how._

_I laughed softly … I was a dog …_

_Suit me well…_

_Then it means I was destined to die on the street…_

_The girl on the glass made her appearance once more when I looked at my friend crying outside. She was still so ugly … even I admit that she was ugly …_

_The ugliest woman in this world …_

_Strange … I felt something warm trickled on my cheek … was the tears from my friend hit me accidently?_

_Then it should disappear soon…_

_But this one doesn't …_

_I felt it drop once more, my cheek felt wet …_

_Then I saw the girl inside the glass was crying … it make me felt angry … her eyes were as if pitying me … Don't pity me … I don't need anyone pity me …_

_I wanted to hit her so much … but my hand stopped …_

_I can't …_

_I … I …_

_I … just …can't…_

_Because the ugly girl was me …_

_I could not hold the stream of tears flowing from my eyes … I wanted to cry so much … scream so much … I tried to run away from truth which told me the tale of my pain …_

_Why this world hate me…_

_Why?_

_WHY!_

_Was there really no one who will love me …?_

_Yes … of course no one will love me … I already know the truth …_

_I was ugly … both inside and outside … the worst type human…_

_The one who should die …_

_The one who should disappear …_

_The one who could only bring happiness by dying …_

_The Ugly Girl …_

…

…

…

She realized it from the very start, that she was always being a burden to everyone, an eyesore, a person who was better if she disappear. There was not even once she became useful for the people around her. Never…

She remembered about everything they said to her, all kind of insult; all kind of despise all kind of devil words. She wanted to stop thinking about it, but she can't, because she doesn't know any happy memories. All she could remember was those film roll of tragedy and despair.

_You're an eyesore …_

_Creepy…_

The voice of world ringing inside her head, her hands forcefully covers her ears but the voice was coming from her heart, even if she was deaf, the voice was loud and clear.

Everything was a mistake from start, her life, her decision. There was nothing she could do about it knowing she was being hated by the world, feared by miracle and tormented by fate. Countless tears have dropped from her eyes, but none of it could erase her pain. All those sweet memories ended with tragedy.

She already knew from beginning … that there were no happy ending for her.

She already knew from beginning … that everything was a lie.

She already knew from beginning… running will not solve the problem.

Yet she foolishly relied on her idiotic philosophy saying that she could become a God in different world. But she was no God. She was a lonely human, an ugly girl. Her Utopia was just an illusion for her to escape the reality.

She knew this from beginning … yet she still believes her philosophy.

A philosophy that was not different from a curtain of illusion which blocked her view of the reality. Behind the curtain she could do anything, she could play as a God, she could play as an Angel, she could play as a human. The Utopia of Falsity, in where she could lie to herself and ignoring the cruel truth.

But once the claw of truth tear those curtain apart, she was left with nothing anymore. Hands of fate stole everything which belongs to her. She has nothing left … nothing…

There was nothing more to keep her from those pain, the wheel of fate has come to take the price for deceitfulness. The memories will review the tragedy without stop inside her mind as her punishment.

She lied on the cold floor with hands holding her head. It was like her brain gonna break soon, the memories of pain were too much. There was no balance; everything she could remember was pain and torment.

Her scream and cries echoed like an insane girl in Asylum with the rain playing the melody of sorrow.

_Why no one love me?_

_Why everyone hate me?_

_Why? Why? Why?_

One small question lead to another, she could not find the answer so the questions keep being asked without stop. It's devolved into another question.

_Why I am the only one suffering?_

_Why I can't love anyone?_

_Why everyone hate me?_

_What have I done?_

_Do all of you really want me to suffer?_

_What am I?_

_For what reason I was born?_

The teal haired girl felt like someone was punching her stomach countlessly even though there was no one other than her inside the building. Her hand tried to hold the stream of blood coming out from her mouth, her eyes tried their best not let the tears leaked out.

But she failed…

Her tears could not stop, the blood kept increasing as she coughed every time. Her legs and body felt numb, it was like they did not belong to her anymore. Her body hurt so much like there were needles on her entire body punctured through her skin and tearing her flesh little by little.

There was so much pain…

So much blood…

Yet all of those could not make her felt death…

…

…

…

_To where I belong as to where I came from … to whom I love as to whom I hate … to when I blithe as to when I tantalize … to what I trust as to what I hate … to why I smile as to why I cry … _

_Prisoner of love …_

_That's me…_

_Ugly girl …_

_That's me …_

_I just realized now … or I just don't want to admit it … I still love him … but it's impossible … so it was not hate or torment which brought me pain … I was tired for being a Prisoner caged with reality … to love yet not being able to reach …_

_Was this what it felt when my heart died?_

_I … I always hope that moment could always stay still …_

_I always hope it …_

_During that time when I was with him …_

_During that time when I fell in love with him…_

_During that time after he hates me…_

_Always …_

…

…

…

To where the shadow stand to where the rain fall … He stand there covered with his usual outfit. The hood which hides his face still there … He walked inside the abandoned shop, in which each step filled with determination. He knew what to do … he knew … what the best way was for everyone …

…

…

…

"_Is it painful?" I asked_

_But she didn't say anything, only lie there motionlessly with blood on her mouth_

"_If you wish … I could free you …"_

_I grabbed her collar and lifted her body which was a vessel for pain._

_Right hand grabbing her collar…_

_Left hand with knife…_

"_This tragedy life …"_

"_This painful memories…"_

"_Let it flow away like petal on the river…"_

_The metallic knife on my left hand was reflecting silver light … so that I raised my knife …_

"_Let me end this tragedy tale … this tale … it shall end by my own bloody hands…"_

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…"_Thank you"…..._

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"_Is this really the end?"_


	14. Chapter 14 : SXng FXr MX TXle

"Hello, we meet again."

White porcelain face smiled towards the teal haired girl inside the white room filled with picture. Compared to before, the room was filled with much more pictures. The crystal clear room enshrined with the light from sun brimming with kindness hitting every corner of the room. So relaxing that it made her fascinated, if the hood girl didn't call her to sit with her, she might spending rest of the day standing there.

"So, Miku, what do you want to hear today?"

Silence greeted the hood girl, like a doll that lost her ability to speak, she sat silently there.

"Want to hear about this one?" the hood girl pick one random picture from the ground, but Miku didn't respond or seemed interested in it. Sadness portrayed on hood girl's lip, knowing she didn't respond at all.

It was not like she didn't want to answer, it was that she no longer have any reason to answer or to get friendly with someone she barely know just to attain a small glimmer of light which will fade soon. For that she was darkness. Playing god was easy for her, she always believed there were somewhere in this world which accepted her being. It is there she could play as god.

The glimmer of hope vanished without trace within the river of oblivion, it was then she realizes … that her own philosophy was bullshit. "Humans each have their own spot inside this world" but "Not all humans", she was the solid proof that there were nothing in this huge portrait named "World" where she could fit in.

It's already beautiful enough for someone to enjoy, adding an additional black color will sully the Portrait thus making it dirty. Even white blank canvas was better.

"What is the song for my tale…?"

After silence which took like eternity, she finally spoke yet the words came out didn't sounds like question to ask someone not even herself. More like a hideous lie for covering the truth. But it could also a hideous truth for covering the lie.

The lie which sounded like the truth…

The truth which sounded like the lie…

When she connected the dots between these two statements, she finds out that lie and truth were not so much different. She could say this out loud because she herself was the proof of this philosophy. Therefore she knew better than anyone what those two words stand for. What those two words difference.

"You still don't know?"

Miku shook her head like she didn't willing to do it.

"Maybe there is no song for it after all …" blank expression was the color portrayed on the surface of the teal haired girl's canvas.

…

…

…

"Is this really the end?"

To whom this question asked? From whom this question came from?

His ear heard the question, his eyes saw the tragedy. White metal pierced right through the thin tissue on stomach layered with black cloth. From within it, red liquid spreading like virus infection around the black layer and the white metal, staining it with their favorite color. The ground soon was joining the infection party, willingly to change color after being touched several times by red paint.

His blue iris didn't move since the tragedy part played, they were recording it inside his mind. Her body which being lifted by the hand of the black hood person, her hair which has lost its original color because of the touch from her own blood, her eyes which used to filled with light which was now filled with darkness. There was no smile left on her face, too much color named "sadness" filling the canvas. There was no spot left for it anymore.

The video rolled to the next scene where he charged at the one who was holding the knife, making him dropped her to the ground. His scream was so eerie that it pierced through the layer of voice from the rain. The blow was delivered without mercy to the villain face. He wanted to continue punching him … but he couldn't … losing someone important twice was unbearable even though he knew how much he hated him right now.

The hood slipped slowly from his head while lightning flashed angrily under its eyes. The white flash revealed his face which never been seen before, but before Kaito could saw everything, his vision fade out leaving him unable to watch the next scene.

It was like the tale ends here…

But the song for this tale was still Unknown…

Maybe there is really no song for this tale …


	15. Chapter 15 : Broken God

"_Inside the dark room in which as if it severed it tie from the world outside of it, a young boy suddenly woke up drenched in sweat. His mouth kept open and closed slightly, catching breath in rapid pace. It was like he didn't breathe at all before._

_The young boy put his hand on his forehead, trying to calm himself. It was another nightmare for another bitter night. This was not the first time something like this happened, the image of the teal haired girl died in front of him or vanished from his sight immediately._

_And to be much worse, the culprit were always someone who wear a hoodie which covered half of its face. The boy smirked while in his left hand held a small knife drenched with blood._

_"It was all a dream." He thought._

_Once he switched his eyes to area beside him, his eyes widened with sudden fear._

_Now he knew it might be no longer a nightmare…_

_It might come true…"_

His eyes open wide as he saw there was no one beside him. The Teal haired Princess who was supposed to lie there was nowhere to be found. It was then he recalled the dream he just had…

The one where "Death" invite The Princess…

…

…

…

_Looming darkness shrouded the city in black. The scary atmosphere casted during night around the city has caused that no one dare to walk under the guidance of the moon. _

_I ran and ran …_

_Along the alleyway covered in darkness…_

_Searching for her … the teal haired girl …_

_But no matter how far I ran, I could not find any sign of her._

_Miku …_

_Miku …_

_Please be safe …_

…

…

…

_Nothing was left within me…_

_Everything was stolen from me…_

_The place where I could belong …. It's now gone … gone and vanished within one day…_

_So where should I go now?_

_The humming sound of the train felt relaxing in my ears, but it could never erase the pain inside me…_

_The same empty space within the rail mirrored the emotion inside me…_

_The Angel…_

_He…_

_He…_

_He tried to kill me…_

_I am scared…_

_Scared so much…_

_Salty tears dropped down from my eyes. My body was shaking so hard that it could not stop. I was scared so much … _

_Never been in my life that I was so scared like this … so … so … so he hate me that much …_

_Then everything rushed back inside my head … I could still felt his hands on my neck … those hands was so tight, trying to cut off my life line. He was absolving me … hunting me … killing me…_

_The red deep colored eyes glaring at me with killing intent … it's so scary … so … so frightening …_

_No …_

_I can't let him find me …_

_I must hide…_

…

…

…

The teal haired girl flinched when the train halted at the next stop. The sound of door opened frightened her at the moment, without thinking further she quickly run towards the storage room inside the train. Like a prey hiding from the hunter, the girl shivered in fear when she heard footsteps clacked on the floor.

The storage room inside the train actually was not too big but also not too narrow, perhaps it's pretty much as big as the cloth locker at school. It was enough for her to fit inside. She didn't know why she need to hide, it just that she get frightened whenever thinking that he will appear anytime soon.

The video roll which was not supposed to be played was played again inside her head. Whenever she thought about him, the tragedy was replayed within her head automatically whether she likes it or not. Starting from the point where they break up till the point where he tried to kill her. And for each time it was played, it was one torture after another for her.

Through the narrow gap she could saw the visible leg tapping on the floor, but she could not saw clearly the body. The legs soon increased in massive number.

Tap…

Tap…

Tap…

The sounds of footsteps were the only voice she could hear clearly right now. And it was same like the tickling clock at her home. It sounded like count down before Death approached her, the sound which could bring doom.

Her small hand decorated with bruises hugged her own body to maintain her sanity also at the same time trying to stop the uncontrollable shaking caused by the fear.

She was always a coward …

Always…

The weak girl who always being bullied for her appearance…

The strong girl who always worshipped because of her appearance…

It was all her, but both of it took in different places.

And now that Light has rejected her and Darkness keep torturing her, she no longer got a place to come back. No … not her home … she was scared to death already in the first place when she saw the Angel lying beside her. The sight of his deadly glare and murderous intent was still lingering inside her.

It was the worst …

She just woke up after having another nightmare that time…

The nightmare where she died …

…

_Flashback_

_It was raining during that time … everything was covered with the curtain of water._

_And then she saw familiar figure wearing hoodie, his casual style where he covered half of his face with his hood. She knew him, the only person whom she could finally call 'friend'. Without hesitation she approached him … but she find it strange … he didn't response at all …._

_It was like talking to a statue … but she was certain this was not a statue._

_Suddenly then she saw something reflecting light on his which brought horror to her …_

"_No … he won't … do it … right?" that's what she thought_

_The lightning flashed at the moment …_

_And she saw his face in a short time … the face which was enough to bring horror to her…_

_End of Flashback_

…

Never in her life had that she was so scared, never … not even after that depressing break up which started everything. Not even after the death of her small little fella. Miku know that she needed to run … because she got no power to oppose the fate …

Running was what she needed to do in order to keep alive, but for the punishment of running away, now she will need to take the consequences of her own action. To live in fear was some sort of cruel punishment for her.

The footsteps keep echoing inside her head as she hid inside the narrow place, tapping endlessly like a loop. One of the Death's legs suddenly approached the place where she hid. Her eyes widen in fear and her body was shaken stronger. It was like a slow motion even though it happened very fast. The footsteps which getting louder and louder by the tick of each seconds was starting to hurt her head.

Then as the foot stopped in front of the narrow gap, her fear was nearly reaching the end. To be more exactly, her sanity was starting to crumble. The motionless leg kept standing there without doing anything. All of sudden she could no longer heard the sound of footsteps not even the sound of the train humming.

Everything turned silent, deadly silent …

With her eyes could only fixed on the motionless leg, her hands covered her mouth tightly. Tears streaming down from her eyes as each seconds passed, but the motionless leg still stood there without doing anything.

Her sanity was being tested … the longer it stayed there … the quicker she fell into madness…

Or was she already mad from beginning?

The motionless leg still stood there in front of her while everything still voiceless. She could hear her own breathing, her own sobbing voice no matter how small the voice was. Because there exist no voice beside her own right now. The knife weight on her pocket noticed her that she could still oppose. So if the longer that leg not doing anything, the sooner she will use the knife.

After moment of time which like endless …

The feet ….

Leave…

The breath of relieve come back to the teal haired girl as her pulsed slowly calmed down…

The shaking also lessened as the leg disappeared from her sight …

Finally the storm has passed …

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That's what she thought …

The next scene which she captured within her sight was the last thing she didn't wish to see …

The eye of someone she scared so much was looking through the door gap, glaring with killing intent at her….

She could not take it anymore … her fear has reached the limit …no longer need to think further … she opened the door of hell immediately and preparing her knife ready to stab anyone who appear in front of her …

But there was no one on the other side of the door as Miku charged through the door. To be stranger, she was sure that there were people here before but right now she saw no one. The train atmosphere was back to the first time. She lost the energy to grip the knife any longer, causing it to clatter on the floor.

At the same time she saw another door opened, but this time it was an escape door. Miku was trying to form a smile even though her eyes still frightened. The pleasant sound of the escape door being opened … was the last piece of good news for her …

…

…

…

_It was then when I saw the thing I was searching for …_

_I approached the figure slowly from behind till I was only one step away from the figure …_

"_Miku?" those words left from my lip as the appearance of the teal haired girl in the train become clearer. _

_Everything became certain the moment she turned her head with fright still lingering on her face…_

"_I finally found you …" I said those words towards her but suddenly I realized …_

_Her eyes … it was eyes full of fear … in which it made me remember of what I did to her…_

_I was too carried away with my intention of finding her … I forgot completely that she was not supposed to saw me …_

"_NO! … it's not-"I shouted suddenly but was halted when I saw her kept stepping backward_

_In an instant Miku ran through now opened train door in fear, without thinking further I chased after her. _

_She ran screaming insanely along the chase … I kept trying to chase after her … although she ran so fast, somehow I was able to chase after her._

"_Miku ! Stop !"I grabbed her hand to prevent her from running further, but she struggled along with her eerie scream which was enough to hurt my both ears. Screaming those words which I could not understand, the language of fear. _

"_Listen to me!" the more I shout the stronger the scream came from her mouth. _

_Then I remembered the dream where I strangled her, in which made me remember the pleasure of hurting her so much..._

_No …_

_I can't …._

_But …_

_It was tempting me to do so …_

_And right now she looked weak …_

_Very weak …_

_If I strangled her right here … it will be very pleasurable … _

_No … no_

_NO!_

_I CAN'T!_

_Those death hands of me moved towards her in an instant … I could saw the limit of the fear inside her … _

_So it was the same…_

_This was how much I hate her…_

…

…

…

She thought her nightmare appear again …

He thought the tragedy will come back again…

Fate spoke different…

The hands which were supposed to land on her neck … strangling her …

Was wrapped around her body instead ….

He also didn't know why … but the moment of hate he had … turned to something else he abandoned before …

He embraced her gently with care and warmth … but she still struggling to free herself from his clutch …

But he didn't let go, instead he held her tighter …

The girl bitted his shoulder causing him to wince in pain but still he didn't let go. Even after the blood dripping and staining his favorite white sweater. He still didn't let go …

Then she tried to bit harder till she could felt his skull scraping against her teeth …

So much blood dripping but the warm hand still didn't release its grip …

Because they know … there will be no chance anymore this time if they release it again…

The teal haired girl who found everything she did was not able to make him free her … cried …

Screaming and crying like a kid …

It hurt his ears but he endured it …

The cry was so intense that he could understand most of the pain and regret contained inside her scream …

Ignoring his bleeding shoulder which start to create a red pool below them, his hand traveled to the back of her head, soothing the pain contained inside her.

She buried her face on his chest as the scream kept continues along with the tears which fell endlessly …

"You can hurt me…"

…

"You can bite me as much as you want …"

…

"You can hate me…"

…

"But I will never let you go …"

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"Never …"

…

He whispered softly on her ears …

Once again …

On that day …

Only the blue sky knew what happened …


	16. Chapter 16 : Canvas of Life

Sometimes when you became a tourist, you will always felt seeing a new environment as something interesting. The same happened when you visited a place which you didn't know before. It was like an adventure which we didn't know how it will end. Sometimes you will felt excited and curious as to where this journey will leads you.

It was same as life, the difference is … an adventure was only a small part of life. The portrait of life was bigger than we could expect. We will never get bored, as we could always add a new journey anytime we want.

With Life as The Canvas …

Time as The Brush…

Expression as The Color…

And we as The Artist…

We could create as much journey as we wanted, while the canvas was still not filled up yet, we could always add another new thing. That was what we called "Canvas of Life". The portrait could became different depends on the Artist and how well he or she used the Brush named "Time".

We could brush as many times as we wanted, but the result was not always good. But whenever it turned out bad, we must never blame the brush. No matter how good a brush was, if the Artist didn't have enough heart put into his or her creation, the portrait will never became beautiful.

Those words were what this Hoodie boy forgotten long time ago…

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…

…

"Canvas of Life…" Kaito mumbled as he closed the rice cooker.

"Hmm?" his words somehow caught the attention of the hood boy beside him who was in the middle of peeling potato.

It was night at the Hatsune house as the two boys were working inside the kitchen, preparing for supper.

"Ah nothing … I just remembered the parable you ever told me before." The blue haired boy replied while his hand stirring the soup inside the pot.

"What about it?" with his cold and emotionless words the hood boy asked him.

"It just … I think it's a beautiful Parable…"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind … oh ! its ready!"

The hood boy glanced at the blue haired boy as he opened the rice cooker. If looks could explain someone's mind, then perhaps Kaito would knew what he was thinking.

"It's not me who created that Parable, no … to be more exactly … it was not only me"

…

…

…

"_Hey XXXXX-XXX. Can I ask you something?"_

"_What is it? You are annoying"_

"_Do you think what animal suit me? ehehehe ~~"_

"_Wha-!? What kind of ridiculous question is that!?"_

"_So? So? Ehehe~~~ Which is it?"_

"_I don't know! Why would I care!?"_

"_Eh … but I thought you know"_

"_Ugh … alright … fine …as long as I answer it will be okay right …"_

"_Tell me! Tell me! I wanna know!"_

"_Alright … alright ….._

_XXXX ….. I think you're …a ….."_

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…

…

"You alright?"

"Huh!?" the hood boy snapped out from his flashback as Kaito's words.

"It's rare for you to space out like that."

The hood boy threw a disgusted look on him the moment those words slipped out from his mouth, "You got a better work to do rather than bugging my problem, right?"

"Ah! Yes, alright … I will go then." As he said, the boy carried the food and went upstairs.

The boy watched as he went off with his cold emotionless stare, but as he finally disappeared from his sight, his face turned into a pissed off looks.

"He is a wolf after all…"

…

…

…

"_Canvas of Life …. I wonder what made me told both of them something me and her kept"_

_The Canvas of Life could be painted with any color we wanted. _

_Life is The Canvas_

_Time is The Brush_

_Expression is The Color_

_And ourselves is The Artist_

_But at the same time when I and she created these words, we realized that how much different between reality and our idealism. If this was a story, we could always able to rewrite it. But that trick could never work out in our real life, seeing you can't replace a tale with another._

_It was same as this "Canvas of Life" …_

_Once you draw a picture on the canvas, you must know that you won't be able to erase that picture. Because among the tools given to paint, there is one tool which could never exist no matter how much you wanted._

_It was eraser …_

_You could try not to look at the picture you just draw, but that doesn't mean it will disappear. _

_And …_

_There is only one canvas for each person…_

_You won't be able to discard it once you have start drawing…_

_On that day I told her this fact with my usual cold and emotionless voice. _

_But …_

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_But…_

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_She told me…_

"_If you accidently draw an ugly flower, then let's just draw beautiful flowers beside it. The picture will become pretty again."_

"_Isn't it better if you don't draw the ugly flower at the first place, those pretty flowers drawing will look better if that ugly flower does not join them." I said._

"_But since it already joined, why not let it in? The picture is still pretty."_

_With her usual smile, gentle voice and soft tone she told me those naïve words that until this day I still felt pisses off at it._

_It was naïve way of thinking … too naïve …_

_Reality won't work the same …_

_But …_

_Why can't I oppose her opinion?_

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…

…

The blue haired male hesitated whether to knock on the wooden door or not. Thinking of what happened moment ago, he could not say that she was completely fine now. The hurt on his shoulder make its appearance as he remember of what happened. He has treated the wound as best as he could, but the injury was still too deep. Each time he moved his arm, the pain will come back to haunt him.

It's make him remember her pain …

He didn't know whether this was empathy or just his imagination …

But whenever Miku felt pain, at some point he could also felt it …

It was like having an invisible chain which connecting their emotion …

Knock knock

Ignoring his hesitation, Kaito still decided to brave himself to do it.

"Can I come in … Miku?" there was a brief pause the moment before he spoke her name. The return of her name spoken with his lip always made him felt nostalgic, he was wondering how long it has been since he spoke that name. Its been not so long, yet he felt it was as if it has been several years already.

It was then he realized that only silence greeted him.

"Miku?" he knocked once again on the wooden door, but the result was still same, only silence greeted him.

Gaining no feedback from his knocking, the blue haired boy gently opened the wooden door. A smile appeared on his lips as he saw her sleeping like a child on the bed. He tiptoed inside the room while trying not to make as much voice as possible, put the food on the table and quickly walk out of the room, not forgetting to switch off the lamp before he leave.

Through the remaining small gap of the door which gradually became smaller, The Blue Haired boy gave one more smile towards the teal haired girl before the door completely cut the connection between the room and the world outside.

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"_XXXXX-XXX, today … can we go to the Forest?"_

"_No … you can't ...__you always go there, why must you want to go there again?__"_

"_Ehehe~~ ... because I want to go there together with you once...__"_

"_Next time ok … we will go there another time …"_

"_Alright ~ ehehe~"_

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"_Maybe Next time"_

"_Next time okay …"_

"_Another time…perhaps …"_

_It's the same_

_Why can't I realize this sooner?_

_There will be no next time…_

_There is always a concept "It's too late"_

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Tick tock

Tick tock

The familiar ticking sound roamed inside the room where she knew it better than anyone. She wondered, when was the last time she heard this familiar sound again. The last time was when she was filled with fear, because she saw … someone?

The Princess eyes blinked few times, trying to adjust her eyes after closing it for so long.

Darkness …

Again…

Her loyal companion whom always beside her entire time. The Princess pushed herself up from the bed and looked around. But all her eyes could catch was darkness again.

Small hand traveled towards the table beside her bed, her memory could still remember the position of the lamp. Reaching the lamp switch of the entire room which located just beside the exit door felt hard for her, because she don't really like light that much. So she switched on the lamp on the table which caused it to glow, making her able to see the surrounding, even only a bit.

The food placed on the table in the middle of the room was what caught her attention the moment the lamp glow. The food looked so tempting, knowing that she have not eaten for few days, the loud roar resounded from the inside of her stomach which made her blush furiously.

"Thank God, no one heard it …" She said while hugging her now rebelling stomach.

The white blue paper fell from the table as she reached onto the food. Her eyes were directed immediately towards the paper as it fell. Although far, she could read the contents of the note clearly.

"Eat well ok"

Its just a simple three words, without neither the writer name nor any other words written. But from the color of the paper, she could guess who wrote the note. She knew it too well, maybe because it was also part of her memories.

Her body shook as it was inflicted with fear, but somehow she felt it was not the only thing which caused her to afraid like this. Surely she was still afraid of him, but what was this Unknown emotion which also inflicted her. She was sure that it was some kind of emotion which she never felt before. Not even at the time when she was still with him. Another Unknown emotion again, or to be more precise … another Unknown flower bloom again … inside her Canvas of Life.

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The door towards the Princess chamber was creaked open slowly, revealing a teal haired princess. She looked cautious as she looked around her before she stepped out from her chamber. All the lights were switched off; leaving the hall shrouded in blanket of black color, but thanks for the light coming from the window, instead of being shunned inside the darkness, the hall was glowing in dim light.

Her leg guided her towards the dark downstairs; she could look around once again with the help of the light from the window. Everything looked the same as usual, but she wasn't expecting the same. There was something that she hoped could be different inside this house.

A faint sound suddenly landed gently on her ear. At first she could not decipher it, but as she kept listening to it, the voice became clearer. It is faint, but she could still hear it, it sounded like … humming sound … but after she listened to it more … she knew her guess was slightly wrong. It's a pretty much similar voice … but no humming sound.

The voice moved her feet towards the sofa which its back was against her so that she could not see the front of the sofa. Just a while before, she was expecting something different inside this home. And there she found her answer as she looked at the sofa.

The Canvas which drew the Princess who just woke up from her slumber, now added a new character inside it. The brush moved, reaching towards the white canvas, drawing a sleeping boy on the sofa where the Princess gazed upon.

She was scared at first, but that feeling was eased when the brush paint droplets of sweat which was sliding on his face and body. His right hand was placed on his forehead. The two top button of his cloth were unbuttoned, revealing a bit of his muscular chest. The Unknown emotion crouched towards her heart once again.

"Nightmare?" she thought, because his face looked in pain.

"Is it … my fault …?" she thought once again …

The brush draw the moment when the Princess approached her sleeping prince … she lowered her body and gently brushed his hair to look on his face. With the back of her hand, she wiped away the sweat travelling on his face, hoping it could also brush away his pain.

Then she was flinched when he groaned as a result from her sudden touch. Her heart stopped for a moment because of the sudden shock and then thumping loudly inside of her.

"Why are you being so loud?" she whispered while looking rubbing her chest where her heart located.

The brush draw The Princess line of sight towards the Blue Haired Prince once again. The more she gazed upon him, the more that Unknown flower spread its petal. It was like there were thorns stabbed inside her heart, she felt hurt … but she didn't understand for what reason she was hurt.

The memory rushed back inside her mind as her hand caressed his cheek. The memories where they still love each other, the moment where the tragedy still didn't took place yet.

Tears were threatening to escape from her eyes as she remembered those memories. It always hurt her whenever she thought about it. She could not tell yet whether he has stopped hating her or not. She was afraid to think about it, afraid how strong his hatred was towards her. And also afraid how strong her hatred towards him.

"I am sorry …"

It was then her lip inched further to touched his. It was a gentle and quick kiss, but she could remember the taste she experienced in past. How she remember his warmth flow through their lips inside their body. How she remember the softness of his lip when it landed on hers. She didn't want to forget, but she could not do it. She was afraid of him … and herself …

She prayed that he won't wake up from that kiss and the God fulfilled that wish. Only a groan produced as the result of her action. Tears fell more as she quickly wiped it away, because it will only hurt her more.

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_THUD_

_Eh?_

_I blinked my eyes a few times after hearing a loud thump sound which awakened me from my sleep. I rubbed my eyes before I looked around trying to search for the source of the sound._

And the Brush painted that The Blue Haired Prince saw something terrifying just as he woke up from his sleep.

_Mi …. ku?_


	17. Chapter 17 : Puzzle of Memories

Beep …. Beep….

A monotone voice coming from the machine inside the hospital room where the teal haired girl exist were supposed to be able heard by only the people inside the ward only. Although for Kaito, he could heard the beeping sound clearly even though he was outside of that room.

It was like a countdown, from time to time the beeping interval gradually became longer. He could felt it inside his imagination, but he never knew what was happening inside the ward. The illusion inside his head was playing trick of him. Like they were whispering to him that soon he would got his punishment.

He could not sleep, he couldn't …

The illness was never known to him until he saw it with his own two eyes last night …

The figure of her lying on the floor, desperate to inhale air …

And that was how he was sitting outside of the ICU in the middle of night. Sitting silently like mute human, he could not spoke anything, his energy now was focused more on thinking.

The red light above the ICU door didn't fade yet, signaling she was still suffering inside the room.

Tears …

It was dropped from his eyes at the moment …

Perhaps it's guilt ….

Perhaps it's fear …

Perhaps it's both ….

He himself could not certain about it ….

He didn't lie to himself ….

It was the opposite …

He was too honest with himself, not even love which he radiates, but also envy he felt towards her.

And that was what made him sitting here now …

Cursed by his own honesty ….

...

...

...

The girl only wished for a place where she could be accepted.

God was not always an option …

Friends, Idol, Acquaintance, anything was ok …

She just didn't want to be rejected …

It's a simple wish …

And yet she cursed God for not allowing such a small wish to happen …

She thought …

Ending in sickbed like this … was punishment for trying to become a God …

Beep beep

Faintly, she could heard a strange beeping sounds keep echoing beside her. Everything was white except the doctor and nurse whom wear green. Princess could saw like her life reaching the end … as the beeping sound whispering like a count down.

She was forced to become a God … an Author …

So that she could wrote her own story …

She was sick with God wrote her life …

But eventually it was just an illusion … no matter what … she could not rewrite the tale …

She gained nothing … only gain punishment …

"She is still breathing ! Keep the pressure stable !" one of the doctor shouted …

But she could care less …

Knowing everything was meaningless …

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Blue sky …

White cloud …

White Star …

Black Sky …

The gaze casted upon that huge blanket above the earth named "Sky" came from the eyes of a certain blue haired boy.

From very start till now, the only phenomena which never change was always the "Sky" he admired. "Blue Sky" was his favorite, but "Black Sky" also not lose popularity with it when it comes to the color of Sky he chose.

No matter from which angle he gazed upon it, it never change. It felt like it following him everywhere yet he knew it didn't follow anyone. It's because it's too big that he could not saw the end of that blanket.

Same like now while his iris pierce through The "Black Sky" from the bench outside of white colored building.

How he wished that his life could also move the same like that huge blanket. Always stay the same … constant and consistence …

"Shion"

The boy turned around as the voice reached him, making his eyes to look at the owner of the voice who called him, The Black Hood Boy.

The hood boy looked at his lifeless eyes, the same expression the teal haired princess got. Seeing silence was the thing stopped between both of them, Kaito turned away his head to gaze at the sky again.

Irritation does crouch at the hood boy, but he didn't know how to unleash it, thus he could only said, "You could see her now"

For once, the blue haired prince slowly turned his head to look at him … with the eyes filled a glimmer light of hope …

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_I never liked this world …_

_Never was …_

_Never will …_

_It was a thrash like world._

_Gray white black light blue_

_Gray white black light blue crimson_

_Crimson was the color of the cigarette I smoked when I burned it_

_Gray was the color of the wall and thrash_

_Light blue was color of the light at night, shining through the narrow alley_

_While black …_

_It was color of the wall avoided by light, ground avoided by light and … and … color of the hood which always cover me_

_Since when it has been I wear this, I doubt that I could remember_

_This thrash like life with no meaning has been continuing for years ever since I lived inside this narrow space _

_Its useless to ask me when I lived here since I __don't wanna talk about it_

_The noisy sound of cars, trucks and other vehicle _

_Just continuing crazily like endless loop_

_How someone could__call this place as world created by god_

_The world created by god were supposedly to be beautiful _

_Not thrash like this_

_Its all thrash_

_Scum_

_I hate it so much_

_This world and its damned author_

_Give me the pen_

_Let me write for my own self _

_A better story than yours _

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"What's wrong?" Dr Kugetsu asked the hooded boy who was looking outside of the window.

"Nothing …" reply the boy coldly

The doctor does not said anything further, he could only chuckle in his own amusement. The Hood boy felt annoyed when he does like that, it just make him felt irritated, it was as if the doctor could read his mind right now.

But eventually it was not that he could read his mind. It was that he could predict that he was having a flashback about his previous life.

At the same time remembering the tales he had with a certain person …

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_I liked orange better ... at least among all the colors, it was the most beautiful one for me ..._

_Just like the sunset bathed it's light at the city ..._

_For a moment the city was glowing in orange color ..._

_Dipped inside the warmth of the orange ..._

_But how hateful it was when it could only stay only a bit longer _

_Before my world turned to gray colored like a thrash_

_I hated it so much_

_Time to grab my guitar I guess _

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**Sora o akanenisomedashita**

**Yuugatagojihan no kaerimichi**

**Nee, Bokuwadoko e mukaeba ii?**

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Kaito sang slowly beside her bed along with the beeping sound which signaling her condition which didn't get better. But nevertheless, he believed in the power within the music, the boy just continued the song.

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Then before he realized, the sky turned black, but still the sleeping princess didn't woke up from her deep slumber. The blue haired boy became sadder; the smiling mask he forced to wear could no longer contain his true persona. But he still tried to sing no matter what, hoping it could awaken her.

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2 days passed and nothing changed from the sleeping princess state. He slowly became depressed by this fact. For her, food was not a problem at the moment, since she has infusion attached to her. But the problem was Him. The bag under his eyes shown how much tired he was. The depression fueled him at the moment, seeing the princess who didn't woke up.

Tears fell as he held her hand, he only hoped that she would wake up soon and let him see her smile once more. But that request was ceased to happen.

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He has not eaten for 5 days. His position was still same, but the fact that she didn't woke up still doesn't change. He grew weaker and weaker, but he still didn't wish to give up, seeing his beloved girl was suffering right in front of him. For him, pain like this was a small offering.

He was willing to suffer like this just in order for her to wake up. He prayed and hoped, suffering for a small little miracle to happen.

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"You will ruin your health sooner or later …" said the hood boy towards the Kaito who was still continuing his painful deeds.

He spoke the truth, but the boy paid no attention to his words. His hand still holding hers while his mouth mumbling something unknown. Under usual condition, the hood boy was supposed to be enraged, but he didn't. It was because he realize, only by killing either one of them, the boy would stop his action.

In which he hoped it was not the last option he need to do. But if the worst case scenario came, he knew that he should took action.

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Beep …beep… beep…

The monotone voice still continued to resound within the white ward. It was whispering "There is no improvement, only stagnant" towards anyone who heard the sound. But right at the moment, the whisper was more directed towards Kaito who could not leave her side no matter what. The Princess on death bed was the one he was waiting for, he was afraid when he leave; she would never come back anymore.

"Ne … Miku … you know it's been long time since we could stay together like this …"

He talked and talked, but no response coming from the teal haired girl …

"I wonder how long it has been since our last moment like this … hehe …" scratching his cheek with his index finger, the boy continue, "I guess … it's a bit embarrassing to talk like this now … knowing the past you … you blushing easily …"

Still no response, only silent which came from her.

" How's your life after that … day? Have you been eating well? You didn't stay up late right?"

Still no response …

"ehehe … I knew I am not supposed to say this after saying those cruel things to you … but … I just wanna know if you are alright …" he laughed nervously, at the end of her sentence, there was a long pause.

But Silence was still the one who accompanied him …

"… why didn't you tell me when we actually meet so often after the incident?"

Still silence

"Is it because you hate me? "

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"He-hey …. Answer …. Me …"

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"I beg you … please answer me …."

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"Do you still wishing "It's alright" coming out from her lip?"

It passed his ear instantly, but not just words which stayed inside his ear.

Along with rage, he grabbed the collar of the speaker of the word.

Eyes filled with rage and bloodthirsty, it was like he was ready to kill anytime.

Despite the rage shown from his eyes, the hood boy still spoke,

"Pitiful"

That's it …

With that one last words came out, Kaito punched him as hard as possible, making him fall immediately.

Then it came off …

What came off?

His hood …

For the first time his hood which has been covering his face this entire time leaved the things it protect till now …

Ash colored hair reflected in his eyes, the unfamiliar color of hair for him. But the revealed face was the one which made his eyes grew wider from the shock of familiarity.

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"L-Len?"

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	18. Chapter 18 : Shadow

_Even if I always smile, doesn't mean that I didn't have pain._

_Even if I never talk to anyone about my problem, doesn't mean that I didn't have __one__._

_Even if I always stayed in shadow, doesn't mean that I didn't want to stand out._

_It was just these three simple rules, why people could not understand these three rules?_

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_I was a shadow ..._

_As Len Kagamine, __I was always being compared with my big brother, Rinto Kagamine. That's why I told myself that I was a shadow._

_At first it does not looked so stand out. When I was still in elementary grade, my parents would praise me more. The praise I received would always surpass my brother's. No matter what things I successfully done, I would always get praise as I gift in return. Without I realize, the praise somehow became a things which was important in my life._

_But that's doesn't apply to people outside. At school, the teacher always told me, "Why can't you become like your brother?" or whenever I made mistakes, they will shout at me, "You're brother are not like that, you know? How could you as his little brother like that?"_

_That was the first time I ever felt the sharp pain which stabbed right on my chest. Although that time I was stills a child, the wounds were still not so deep. And a child doesn't understand anything yet. Therefore I ignored the bleeding deep inside my heart._

_Then reaching 15 years old, I could start to make judgment. My parent still always praised me more than my brother. But when that happened, I didn't felt happy any longer. Cause I think it was unfair for my brother that he didn't receive something like that when the fact was that he worked harder than me._

"_Why are you so different from your brother?"_

_Was what people always asked me, I was supposed to get jealous, envy, but I ignore those jealously. He was my brother, it was selfish for me to think like that. At that time I only hoped that my brother could receive what he deserved from his hard work._

_Then my brother entered senior high school while I was on my third year of my junior high school. One day, he returned to home and hug me happily which made me felt strange. Rinto never really hugged me like that._

_I got curious as to what made him change his attitude like that. Before, he was more … distant I think. Not someone who like to cuddle like this. _

_At that time I tried to search for the answer which lies within his change of attitude …_

_Then lately my brother come home late than normal, and kept happening. I didn't know why, he always come back late. My father became angry because of his act, so the praise was no longer lingering, instead Rinto got more scolding for his act._

_On that day when he got scolded, I could saw fire in his eyes, although it was not directed at me, I knew that he was feeling being treated unfair._

"_Why can't you become your brother?"_

_Those words were still directed at me, no matter who the teacher was. The old wounds which I thought was try to regenerate, was starting to reopen again. And each words open the wounds deeper and deeper. Then it evolved into something which more frightening, it evolved into something called "fear". It affect my way of thinking, making me always felt inferior to people around me. I was … a shadow after all._

_Little by little, I realized what has changed him that time. Actually at the senior high school where Rinto attended, there was a club where he always hanged out with people from there. One day when I got curious, I secretly follow him, and I could saw the satisfying happy laugh from Rinto when he was inside the circle of his friend. That kind of laugh, that kind of smile, I would never saw him act like that inside our home._

_Then Rinto suddenly became a champion in a tournament, he was very proud of the trophy he got that day. But my father never acknowledged something like as an amazing thing. In this this made me find back the fiery flame which once lit inside his eyes burned once again._

_Half years left till I reached graduation and Rinto was still return home late like usual. Then hatred was born inside of me, hatred directed at my father as to why he didn't praise him for his hard work. The usual silent me became angered with this fact, but I would still follow what my father told me, even when I know father spoiled me._

_I never liked my mother, frequently my father always told me that my mother was a gambler and a liar. She was someone who won't get ashamed of herself because of her own act. In past she abandoned us for 5 years, running away from home when those debt collectors swarming our home like an army. _

_I think it was ever since then that my father hated her. Even when she has came back after those years of absent, she still didn't realize her fault and keep on gambling, having no shame of her own mistakes. Blinding people on the neighborhood, telling that she was the right one. I could hear the countless story my father told about my mother bad deeds. Each time when there was time, he would told me which made felt fed up with it. With that he fueled my anger against my own mother. Making me hated her for eternity, the person I hated the most._

_I was fueled with my anger against my own parent…_

_Reaching the graduation of my school, I decided to enter the senior high school where my brother once attended. Because I was curious as to why Rinto could change in such a short time. I was there I found the small little club which Rinto always hanged out with. The first time I stepped inside this club, I could felt there was something different with this place. It was warm … although I was inside the circle of strangers._

_How could this happen?_

_My curiosity bought me closer to this small little group which made me decided to enter this group to search for the answer._

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…

_The life inside this group … was amazing. I could felt the warmth of family which I could never felt before. Now I understand why Rinto could be happy when he was inside this small circle. _

_There was Rei Kagene, a boy with cold yet bishounen face which made girl find him cute. Luka, a pink haired elegant girl which looked like a model with her hair streaming down like a pink waterfall. Then there was this purple haired girl named Teto, which was somehow a bit tomboy and like to be cool, which earned her points in the eyes of boys. Kaito Shion, blue haired prince with ability to attract people easily. And last … Rin Kagamine, a princess with same blonde hair like me who was energetic and uptight._

_They were people who I could finally call "Family", someone who could made me laugh and made me decide to leave the shell of my silent and became someone completely different from the previous me. This were I called "My second home"_

_But as I returned to my real home, the role of being shadow little by little became real. It does not took long before the praise I always receive stopped. Although both of us didn't received as much praise as possible, but I could felt that my parent could saw the true spirit of Rinto. While they suddenly looked at me with doubt filled eyes._

_I would care less, I didn't really care that much longer inside this kind of family._

_I could finally become shadow…_

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…

_I didn't understand why …_

_But somehow I could felt nervous whenever I was beside Rin. It was true that she got same eyes and hair color like me. But seeing her petite energetic form always made me blush somehow. I could not understand this thing thumping inside of me._

_Was I sick I wonder?_

_Then time I spent with her grew wider and wider than other. I was still inside the small circle where Rei, Kaito, Luka, Teto and Rin always there. We went to amusement park, beach even went to ball at the city once._

_I could remember how awkward it was when I doing waltz with Rin, the small hand which connected with mine was tender and soft. At first I thought I was the only one who blushed like crazy, but that kind of thinking crushed at the moment when I could saw Rin face clearly. If there a color named "Crimson", I think that was the right color to describe her._

_Other than Rin, I was also pretty close with Kaito. On __one day, when he was closer enough to recognize me as "Family", he suddenly talked to me about his past life. Apparently, somehow he was able to attract people easily, I think that's explain why he was so popular._

_When I heard Kaito tell me about his family, I felt a little jealous. His life was a tale which was not tainted and very beautiful. Although there was also sad moment when he told in which he lost his friend. Apparently, Kaito feared his gift, because whenever there an encounter there would be a good bye. That was what he believed. _

_On that day, I scold him for thinking like that. Although he was flinched and shocked with my sudden attitude. In the end we smiled at each other again, Kaito understand what I meant. To be with people your meet was a blessing, therefore we should cherish the moment more._

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…

_I always felt sad whenever days would end, because it would meant I will return to the home where I was treated like a shadow. I didn't think it was something terrifying though, cause It was my wish to became a shadow. It was much better like this._


	19. Chapter 19 : Fakest Reality

_They should understand it …_

_I am not like Rinto who could spoke in different language …_

_I could not learn things only by reading it …_

_WHY CAN"T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND!?_

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…

…

_Whenever I showed my parent what I am capable of, they would shrug it off and said it was bad. It made me think, whether it was really bad or not? _

_I tried to practice more so I could show it better, but as Rinto showed it just once, they already amazed by it. Now I understand why they said it was bad. Because no matter how hard I try, if it was me who did it, they won't accept it._

_So why not I just stay as a shadow? It would be better not to show anyone anything I could, because I believe they d__idn__'t wan__t to__ see it__ either__. _

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…

_Being treated __harshly__ by my parent and some people has affected my way of thinking. I easily envy people around me who have something which I d__idn__'t. Since I stay as a shadow, I observed people lot more than usual, which made me understand what their capability was. And from those observations I would think…_

"_Why can't I have same skill like them?"_

"_Why can't I become like them?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Why?"_

_Without I realized, I have become a monster called "envy". I was jealous, because I didn't have any talent to begin with._

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…

…

_Within few months, my capability of doing common things became decreased. What normal people could do became something hard for me to do. For example like solving an easy math problem, folding paper crane or even setting up net for volley. Suddenly I could just saw the people around me growth faster. Was it because I always stay behind and observe? Most students at school hate __being __grouped with me, because I am clumsy and careless. Nevertheless I even got a low Intelligence Quality which made people shunned me more._

_Was It because I didn't tried hard enough? So that God was punishing me?_

_My status which was "Wanting a talent" before, was turning into "Wanting to become useful". It was downgraded if it was explained in military language. The quality of me as human being decreased little by little without I notice. Some started to even think __me __as an eyesore and nuisance, it was because I could not do normal things which they could do._

_Most people shunned me, but only Rin, Rei, Kaito, Luka and Teto still welcomed me within their circle. But that was also the reason behind the bullying which became frequently happening to me. Because they were popular…_

_Yes they were popular … while I am an outcast…_

_The difference was just like heaven and earth …_

…

…

…

_Rei was an idol as he was the captain of basketball club in our school. He didn't reach really tall, but his silent and emotionless attitude earned a spot in every girl who looked at him. In which way that made him into an Idol. He was … truly a prodigy when it comes to basketball. The countless sweat sliding on his skin was the proof of his hard work, in which it was crystallized and resulting in his position as an idol right now. _

_The envy inside of me was also directed at him …_

_Because I was bad at sport and some people said that I was too … stiff. _

_Therefore they told me … it was hopeless for me to do sport …_

_It was … impossible …_

_..._

…

_Whenever Kaito spoke, whether it was directed to someone he known for a few days or just someone he just met, all of them would felt comfortable when talking to him. He was a bit funny and has a good humor, sometimes he also liked to tease yet his strong and kind voice never waver, not even once. No matter how hard things get in his life, he could always keep his smile towards people around him. It was what made people want to help him and made him felt friendly._

_That was Kaito …_

_He was also the victim of my envy, this disgusting thing which lurking inside me …_

_Compared to him …_

_I never really talk much … because talking much would just make me being compared again with my brother …_

_I didn't do anything much … and my voice was monotone … some even said that my voice was annoying and too low._

_And there they go … everyone around my world … just kept comparing me for the bad things …_

_As long as it was better than me … it was acceptable …_

_That was the judgment they made…_

_And it was definitely none of my business …_

…

…

_The way Luka motivate people whenever they was down was something which felt like hearing a voice of an Angel cheering you. Her voice was elegant yet you could find the stern and caring emotion inside it didn't disappear. Perhaps it was something gained from her father who worked as a consultant and her mother who was a psychologist__,__w__hich resulted in someone like her._

_In our circle and within this school, she was considered as "Onee-san" by students. Her maturity and elegance was something which every people acknowledged. _

_Completely opposite of me … which could ruin any happy atmosphere just by existing within it …_

…

…

_Both Rin and Teto have an angelic voice which could enlighten people's mood. They were considered as prodigy since among so many people inside this school. With their voice which could be considered on the same level as a professional singer, many people always said that both of them will definitely accepted by the Music Academy._

_That was for sure …_

…

…

…

_Then it came to my senses, was it people who like to compare me with other? Or was it me who always compare myself with other people?_

_Perhaps it was both of it …_

_Or perhaps it was neither of it …_

_But if neither of it was true, then was it all my imagination?_

_Deep down I realize it was impossible for it as an imagination …_

_Because my ear heard and my eye witnessed…_

_Everything was clear, even though they were my friends, our world was completely different. It was like heaven and earth …_

_I admit that when inside their circle, everything looked alright. But actually I felt inferior whenever I was inside of that circle. _

_This circle was not my world …_

_The shine here was too bright …_

_Definitely not …_

…

…

…

"_Len-kun, what are you writing on your notebook?"_

_It was Rin, she asked it when the school was over. Since I have a habit to stay late in classroom writing on my notebook, she became curious over it._

_A smile formed in my lip as I looked at her, "It's nothing, just some scribble about today's lecture."_

"_Oh, Souka …"_

_I thought she would say it was a lie, but I never thought she really did believe that I was writing about school work._

"_Then I will return first, don't stay too late ok."_

"_Don't worry, I won't"_

_The blonde haired princess proceeded to the outer side of the classroom. Little did I know, that time … although the distance was far, but she could actually clearly saw what was written inside my notebook._

_To tell the truth, what written inside my notebook actually was a music. Among so many talents I have, I suddenly found this one little talent which I have forgotten before. It was the talent in singing and composing lyric. _

_It was brand new world which I could finally found …_

_Yes … the world where no one would be able to disturb me …_

_It's been a while since I last sing …_

_Alright … Let's try this new world …_

…

…

…

"Rin! What's wrong? Come on, let's go home" shout the Blue haired boy.

"Wait a sec! I think I forgot something at the classroom!" The blonde haired princess yelled back before running back towards the school building. It was right as the sun just was about to set.

**Sora o akane ni somedashita **

**Yuugata gojihan no kaerimichi **

**Nee, boku wa doko e mukaeba ii?**

The sound echoed in the hallway made Rin stopped her track from reaching her actual destination. The experience Rin got when she was small as a singer was a huge amount, but she was sure even among those experiences, it was her first time to heard a monotone yet beautiful sound like this.

For a moment she forgot her real intention for going back, instead she followed the path towards the broadcasting room.

**Kuroi KONKURIITO no hashira ga **

**Kirei ni naranda michishirube **

**Ima, futashika na mirai e aruite yuku**

The clearer the sound was, the more she was amazed how a human could possess such an amazing voice. Curiosity killed her to know more, she hastened her step towards her destination.

**Natsukashii kioku mo **

**Saikou de taikutsu datta hibi mo **

**Soko ni wa itsumo kimi ga ita kara **

**Kimi ga inai ima o ikirenai n da yo**

Only a few more steps left from the source of the voice, and she could finally get rid of this emotion called "curiosity". The melody and harmony composed by the song was much synchronized, she was sure she could also sing it better if she knew the lyrics well. She only needed to listen to it few more times, before that though, she needed to know who this mysterious person was.

**ORENJI no kyoushitsu ni ukabu kimi no sugata ga **

**Nanika o sagashite sora o miru madogiwa no kimi ga **

**Fuzakete aruku kaerimichi no ano egao ga mada **

**Boku o kurushimeru n da**

She could not believe her eyes once she peeked through the door, there sat the loner of the school, Len Kagamine, singing beautifully with his eyes closed. But the song came to an end, from the way the page on the notebook was only scribbled halfway, Rin was sure that Len must have not be able to finish it yet.

"Len! That was great! How come you never told me that you could sing!" With no hesitation, Rin stepped inside the broadcasting room which startled the blonde haired kid.

"R-Rin!? I thought you have gone home!"

"Ehehe ~~ I forgot something in the classroom, so I went back, and at time I heard your voice broadcasted all over the school!"

"Wha-"

Before the blonde haired Kid able to finish his words, he quickly looked at the table buttons and found out that he has accidently clicked on the broadcast button. Len was speechless as he faced towards Rin once again, his face flushed in deep color of scarlet, while Rin just giggled seeing his cute reaction, "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone"

"Eh?"

"You don't wanna anyone find out right?"

It was as if she read his mind at the moment, but he gotta admit what she said was true. Without replying further, he nodded without saying anything.

"Hey! Hey! Can I look at the lyrics?"

"Sure … but it was not completed yet …"

Once she looked at the written lyrics, her eyes grow wide. Just by reading the lyrics, she could understand how deep the meaning inside the words was. She could ever able to write lyrics like this even after having lot of experiences.

"J-just … don't told anyone ok … I just …"

Her finger touched his lip which closed the gateway for any further sound to come out.

"It's beautiful ! You should have told us, we could help you complete this song!"

"NO!"

His sudden shout startled her immediately; it was her first time seeing him being so aggressive like this. Realizing how hard he yelled, the blonde haired kid muttered the words "sorry". The surprised gaze of her softened into a kind stares.

"Alright, then this will be our little secret!"

"Eh!?"

"Let's compose this song together!"

…

…

…

_Rin and I was so much alike, like how we shared the same blonde hair and same turquoise eyes. __The new founded world where her smile exist was the world I always searching for. At first I was a bit awkward discussing with her about this song. But gradually I get used to it without realizing. Rin indeed got a talent as a singer; she could arrange a song very well without needed to think much. She was very energetic and excited about the lyrics I wrote, I wonder if it was really that great that could even move her heart like that._

_Day by day would pass like that with me and her composing the song together every time after school end. Then we would go home together along the road bathed with orange color from the sun set. It was during that time, somehow I felt safer whenever I was around Rin. I always felt like that from before, but after we shared this little secret, I felt that feeling grew stronger day after day._

_I only hoped this world could last forever; just let me stay inside this loop. This was the world where I could felt safe._

_Rin was very cheerful and energetic, but sometimes when she could not control her hyperactive state very well it would always end up both of us scolded by the Principal. Either it was because he discovered our after__-__school club or knowing just how much ruckus we have caused because whenever Rin got a new inspiration for the song, she would ran along the hallway happily like a child. It was pretty tiring to catch up with he__r._

_Sometimes she would also a little stubborn whenever she felt the lyrics I tried, was not matched perfectly. We sometimes would argue over small things like using the point or coma. Perhaps people would find it pretty ridiculous, but inside wor__l__d of music, something like that must __not __be overlooked._

_We would sometimes have a quarrel, just like that time when I __accidently__ stepped on her bunny doll when I visited her home or when she accidently dropped my banana flavored pancake. We would even argue when it came to our favorite foods and that was the moment where I definitely don't wanna give in. No matter what I persisted that banana was the greatest fruit among all other. _

_Quarrel drew people closer, especially when we realize how childish we were for fighting over something like that. When we quarreled, we didn't think something like that, because the emotion was still heating inside our head. But once we cooled it off, we would start to think how childish our action was. The funny thing was the next day when we bumped each other accidently on the hallway, the first things which came to both of our mind was same: "Apologize". In which we accidently bumped our head together when bowing to apologize. At that time we would laugh at each other, which were the sign that we were making peace._

_The little secret shared between us became glue which bound us closer, although I still could not said that I felt any affection stronger than "friend" yet. And I think she also felt the same. But Rin energetic face was the thing which encouraged me to keep living through the dark life inside my home. My parents would always told me for being useless, even though I didn't do anything wrong yet. I endured it, since I knew the next day I could saw Rin's smile again._

_I also realized, the jealously and envy which I had before was slowly eaten away. I don't know why, but I didn't felt anything like that whenever I saw people like Rei, Kaito, Rinto or anyone else who was better than me. Not even when I saw Rinto. It was like it completely disappeared, this new world has gave me meaning what I was capable off. I no longer envy people._

…

…

…

_The happy moment keep playing like a roll of video, but even video has an end to it …_

_My end was … Betrayal…_

_From the very start I should have known … I should have realized …_

_It was better to take the pain from the enemy who hated you rather than taking a hug from the fake friends who gave you a fake smile …_

_The mask which they wear was finally shattered on the day when I finally found the courage to sing the song me and Rin made. _

_At that time, everything was okay reaching halfway, but after that was chaos which repainted my world. Rin stand on the stage, telling all of the audience that I was using the song she wrote to perform on the grand stage. For addition, she purposely called the media to record my moment of destruction. She told in front of the world that I stole her ideas and claiming the song as my own._

_The once innocent and funny Rin, at that time I could not believe she had such evil smile plastered on her face, and to be much worse … she was not the only one who wear a mask. All the people which I called "friends" turned out was a "fake friends". _

_My world shattered at once, every eyes of the audience was filled with disgust and hatred. Then I could saw Rei along with Teto and Luka was provoking nearby people around them. "Thrash","Demon","Copycat","Low life", each words was swords which stabbed on my hurt directly, it hurt so much, so much that I tried to clutch my chest refrain the pain, but it was useless. When the world's eyes were all directed at me, and the harshest stab came from the evil smirk played on Rin's lip._

_Not long after that … Kaito came … bringing a lot of thrashed can with him, with that, the students all throwing those thrash at me. I could saw it flying towards in a slow motion, each hit gave a stronger stab to my heart._

_So painful …_

_It's hurt …_

_Why?_

_What mistakes I have done?_

…

…

…

_My world which was destroyed before was destroyed further …_

_The news has reached the ears of my parents which made them very furious, having not enough with the beatings from those student who accused me, the give me another beatings. They hit and kick me for hours. I wished to said that it was actually me who wrote it … but I didn't got courage to did so … even if I did said it … who else gonna believed me?_

_My creation was stolen from me …_

_My friends were all my enemies …_

_My parent hated me …_

_The world called me "Liar" …_

_Liar … Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

_Liar … _

…

…

…

_Len, did you know why we befriended you?_

_Have you ever heard how Ruler of Rome entertains their own self?_

_They made two people killing each other at a stage watched by many people._

_Even though it was pretty ancient entertainment, but I think it was pretty fun things to do, especially for us who keep getting stress pressure as an artist._

_Yes, Len you are the Gladiator…_

_The one who entertained us …_

_But that's not the only reason …_

_We just could not stand that you as someone who could did a simplest things to be able to craft such a great song …_

_Even world won't believe this you know …_

_You should thanked us for taking away your art, because if you did performed it in front of many people, no one would believe it …_

_You hear me?_

_NO ONE GONNA BELIEVE IT!_

_But it was a pretty good performance you showed us there …_

_It was so funny that I could not stop laughing, ah of course we laughed happily after the media was gone …_

_And you are pretty stupid you know …_

_Ah sorry …_

_You are stupid from beginning …_

…

…

…

_What I could heard for the rest was the sound of evil snickers around me, even though it was not heard anymore, but it was still kept echoing inside my head. _

_Their laughing voice…_

_People insult …_

_My parent's hatred …_

_Even …_

_Even my own blood related siblings believed that I was a copycat …_

_I was expelled from school …_

_Kicked out from my own house …_

_Hated by this world …_

_I got another quarrel with Rin I guess, but I didn't__ this time we could make up …_

_I should have stayed as shadow and do nothing …_

_No matter where I go, people would whisper while looking at me …_

_Then on my way to nowhere, I watched a TV inside a store …_

_It was Rin …_

_She was singing on the stage … singing the art stolen from me …_

_I wonder how could her innocent and pure face could looked so real … everything looked so real…_

_Even the world was fooled by her …_

_How come the world was so stupid?_

_How?_

_And Why?_

_So the fake one was this world? Or The Fake one was me? Or The Fake one was those fake friends who called me"Friend"? Or Everything was fake to begin with?_

_So Reality was Fake? Or The Fake was Reality?_

_My tears already dried …_

_I could not cry anymore …_

_Then before I knew … I realized another change inside me …_

_My kindness was turned to hatred …_

_My naivety turned to cruelty …_

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU COULD JUST DIE! _

_**Disclaimer : I do not own the song**_

_**Song : Orange by Len Kagamine**_


	20. Chapter 20 : Monochrome Princess

_The taste of being betrayed … when someone stomped your trust so easily …_

_It could form two kinds of possibilities …_

_One, it could crush someone's life …_

_Two, it could change their life permanently…_

_I chose t__he 2nd option__, because I got a better world beside that dirty black world …_

…

…

_..._

_Ever since that accident, I learned not to be naïve or even giving trust to anyone. Knowing human could not be trusted. I learn to be harsh, violent and cold. It was for no one, I change for myself. To protect myself, signing that from now on was the start point of a new cycle._

_I dyed my hair grey, started to try on cigarette, they tasted not so bad, it even calmed me down. This tiny little drug somehow was able to stop the stress levitating in my head, what a strange magic. Gray suited me after all, because it was the color which not existed inside the rainbow, the casted away color. If there were things which didn't change, that was my headphone. My likeness of music was the only thing which doesn't change … _

_Len was no longer exist … _

_Starting from today …_

_My name is Dell …_

_Yeah …_

_Dell Honne…_

…

…

…

Clockwork alley …

The name was given because this place was used to be a luxurious place where many antique store which clock established. But after an accident in which several criminal was set loose, this place was no longer a warm place where people sold clock. The alley was burned down by those criminals. When arrested, they simply told it was for a celebration of their release.

Hearing those words, people got driven by rage hereby declare that alley as a place for those rotten people to live. Those people were free to do anything they wanted there, but they were not allowed to step out from that place. Anyone could go inside, but was not allowed to get out from there. If you dare … it was no longer polices you were dealing with. The law allowed the citizens to kill any people who dared to step out from that Grey world.

No matter whom …

Kill, rape, drug…

All people living inside clockwork alley was allowed to do all sort of thing which was not allowed in public. For more instance … the authority even gave them free food once a week. There was nothing more luxurious than living inside that Grey World. In exchange … of their freedom …

…

…

…

Outside the clockwork alley, located in a mansion shimmering in sunset color, a green haired lady in white gown was sitting silently facing the gentle breeze trespassing from her wide opened balcony. This green haired girl named Gumi was the daughter of the Prime minister. The white sash circling around her head, covering her eyes was signing her inability to see. Even though it was winter, the girl didn't bother to close the curtain of her room.

It was like she was waiting for something which didn't come yet.

Then suddenly a knock on her door which made her flinch her a bit, she immediately responded to the knock, telling anyone who knocking on it to come inside. The door opened, revealing a beautiful black haired lady dressed in maid uniform. Her cascading long hair was almost looks like a waterfall in black color, giving the aura of her elegance.

"Milady? What are you doing? You will catch a cold" said the black haired maid in elegant yet caring tone.

"It's alright, Rui. It is not snowing yet … I wanna listen to sound of winter more" speak the green haired girl towards her maid which she referred as Rui.

The stubborness of her was nothing new, when she spoke like that, Rui could not help but just agree with her mistress.

"Rui ... what's the color of the world right now?" asked the green haired girl once again.

"This question again?" Rui spoke inside her mind, "It's white, Milady. The pure white snow piling outside, decorating the canvas of life"

The black haired maid could only hope her answer could satisfy her, she didn't knew what does it felt being blind, but she knew those poeple who became blind has a bit common sense different from normal people. It was because their inability to see, they would constantly ask many things towards people who could see.

"Can I go outside?" The girl asked

"I am sorry, Milady, but Your Father won't allow it for today."

With that reply, Rui thought she would be disappointed, but turned out she just think for a while before she continue,"Alright, perhaps next time ..."

...

...

...

"Milady, its getting late already ... should I close the curtain?"

"Don't worry about it, Rui. I wanted to enjoy the breeze a bit longer, I will close it by myself later." The green haired girl sat still on his chair while replying.

The Maid wanted to protest, but before she could spoke any further, the girl told her it would be alright, showing her stubbornness once more. Rui sighed seeing the attitude of her mistress, actually her attitude was not that bad, but the stubbornness of her mistress sometimes gave her a headache.

Without protesting further, the maid excused herself from her room. But a pity shock appeared on the maid face as she look at her mistress who trying to wave good bye but end up waving towards the opposite of her direction. Rui does not hate her, it's the opposite, she care so much about her mistress. Seeing her like this just ach her heart more. She felt painful whenever she would accidently did any stupid things which only the blind people would do.

But worrying won't change the fact that her mistress was indeed blind. Then all she could do to support her mistress was being there for her.

"Rui?"

The long thought has caused the green haired girl to notice that her black haired maid was taking a bit too long to excuse herself.

"Ah, I-I am sorry Milady! E-excuse me…"

She quickly walked towards the exit door,

"Rui!" but just as she opened the door halfway, her mistress shout has caused her to stop her action.

The black haired maid turned her head towards her once again only to be greeted by her smile filled with kindness.

"I am alright, don't worry." Her words somehow were able to take out the thorn hiding inside her chest, even though not all of it.

Rui exhaled a breath and give her mistress the best smile she could even though she knew she won't see it. "Rest assured, Milady … I will always stay beside you." With those last words, the Maid closed the door, leaving the green haired girl alone inside the monochrome world.

Once the sound of the door closed resonance inside the room, the world around Gumi dropped silent at once. There was no other sound exist other than the sound of the cold breeze blowing in the middle darkness of night. It was like the world inside her room was completely cut off from the rest of the world.

And the girl sat silently there inside her monochrome world. All she could saw was world painted in black. But her mind was trying to project the whiteness she just heard before. She imagined the snow piling outside of her balcony, in which it dropped and merge with the ground, bringing everything to white.

The silent breeze blowing still was the only sound she could heard, it does not take long before she started to imagine the snow falling one by one.

PRICK PRICK

The sound when the snow touched and merge with the ground, she imagined it inside her mind. She knew that some people think her as a creep because she imagined every detail of things. She could comprehend it … it was not their fault to think her like that. It was just within her nature that she liked to imagine things overly.

The sound of snow melting on the ground ….

The sound of wind greasing against the glass …

The sound dust hitting the wall …

It was unnecessary thing to imagine, but she liked it this way. In her own world, things like this were normal. But for other who lived outside of her monochrome world, it was something creepy and not normal things to do.

Even her own family also thought like that, but the girl only wished she could stay inside her own world like this. People didn't wish to understand her way of thinking.

…

…

"Eh?"

"Did I made a mistakes?" she thought that inside her mind

Unsure of her own realization, the girl tried to imagine the world around her once again.

She was sure that for a moment … there was a sound coming from real world snuck inside her imagination …

At first she though it was just the sound she imagined inside her head, but as she tried to focus again … Gumi was sure she was completely mistaken …

String …

It was sound of string …

A string which tingled, causing a vibration in air which resulting in sound caught by her ear …

It was definitely not the sound she imagined herself …

Then another string sound resonated …

The monochrome princess finally moved from her throne … walking towards the balcony, so she could search for the source of the sound …

The closer she moved to balcony, the more string sound she could heard. And as grew it grew louder, she figured at some point it was sound of a guitar. But who would playing guitar in the middle of night?

Although curiosity know no ends, but there were limit to everything. She could felt her body bumped against the fence of her balcony, it was sort like telling her this was her limit. But she didn't wish to meet limit, the sound … it lured her out … it resonated so well that her heart was moved by it.

Then it came to her sense that the limit has restricted her from reaching the sound further, any more than this was not allowed.

Knowing this fact, The Monochrome Princess became sad. But her sadness was quickly replaced as she could hear the music being played among the whiteness of imagination on her mind.

The song which sounded like melting snow …

…

…

…

On the 2nd night, she could hear the faint sound from string instrument being played again. This time Gumi was sure the instrument was definitely a guitar. So once again she walked towards the balcony of her room, trying not to produce sound while she moved so it won't disturb her hearing.

She could felt her body bumped with the French window, meaning that she has reached her limit. But for today it was different, yesterday she could faintly heard the sound of the instrument, yet today she could heard it clearer than yesterday. It was like the sound was getting closer to her, wanting to know The Monochrome Princess better.

On the 3rd day, the sound was becoming louder till she could read the melody which being played now. On this day, she was sure that whoever it was who came inside this garden of her home definitely knew that she has noticed the sound of his or her instrument.

4th day, she could felt the sound of string vibrating right under the balcony where she stands. She no longer needed to move till bumping the French window anymore, since she knew exactly the spot where the voice sounded. The monochrome princess sat on the floor of her balcony whiles her hands hugging her folded knee. The string was so gentle and low, giving a vibrating sound which made her wanted to hum sometimes.

But sadly she didn't know the lyrics or the melody well, so she could not join the chore.

…

…

For him, it became a routine to play music for her at midnight. He didn't truly mind if she wanted to listen, as long she didn't try to disturb his own moment of peace. That would be more than enough.

The things Dell need to admit was … she was indeed never disturbed him at all. Even this was considered trespassing, because he was playing in her garden at the moment, but the Blind Girl just silently listening to his play till end.

At first he thought that she would actually call someone to get rid of him, but it turned she doesn't. On the first time he played in her garden, instead of calling after someone to shove him out of her garden, she chose to silently stand there listening to his play. He thought it might be just his imagination.

On the 2nd day he tried to approach the blind princess, and turned out she indeed really was listening to him. But as he was still not be able to trust her completely, he kept his distance from her, so that he could still kill her and run if she did something to disturb him.

On the 3rd day, he was not sure whether his suspicion was shattered or not, but seeing she not even once did anything yet, he tried to move closer and played the same melody again. An as the result she was indeed standing there again listening to him.

Somehow it became a kind of communication for them, although she didn't said it, but Dell could tell that he got permission through the constant routine they did every day. She could tell clearly what he wanted and he could understand what the blind girl wanted either. Through the voice of string, their thought was transmitted without the need for the spoken words.

The Bard and The Princess…

He felt those words was now suit to his role. He just wanted to have a place to do his hobby, but never though it became a routine work to do. Dell just kept coming day after day every midnight, playing music for the Princess. But not even once he would let out his voice when he was with her. The reason? Perhaps it was because he thought the music language was all he needed to communicate with her.

And on the 4th day …

By the time the song finally ended, she quickly stand up, facing against the cold breeze blowing against her, telling her to go back inside. The stubbornness of her though got through the warning given by the gale.

"Will you come again tomorrow?"

She spoke, asking out of nowhere, not even knew whether the one who played the song already go home or not.

Surprisingly, she received a sound of string resonating as a reply.

Smiling innocently, the blind girl spoke again,

"I am looking forward for tomorrow."

…

…

…

…

"_Sure"_

…

…

…


	21. Chapter 21 : Theory of Warmth

_The cage where I resided was as silent as the dead one, so silent that I could clearly heard the drop of water touching the ground. Blue mixed with black color painted around the wall, I suppose this was what cage should looks like. The silence resounding inside my cage roam like a living voice, unheard yet preserved._

_Giggling sounds broke the silent while my eyes flared with a bit flame. The flame was directed towards the blind princess sitting in another cage across from mine. _

"_I never really thought that we would end up in a same room yet different cage…"_

_She smiled sheepishly with her sight directed towards me as if she had a pair of eyes. _

"_Got a problem with that?"_

_I said harshly…_

_But she didn't falter …_

"_No … instead … I am happy …"_

"_You don't need to get involved with me…" Although our cage looked far, but inside this room were only two of us, so my voice could be delivered well to the other side._

_Her face tilted up when she noticed my attempt to break the silence, "If you go to jail … no one is going to play for me …"_

… _so that was her reason_

"_You could always find another person"_

_She showed another smile as I spoke so, "yes, but I don't think it will be the same as being with you…"_

_Words stopped flowing out at once; it was as if the last statement she spoke has placed a seal over my mouth. In reality… I didn't know what words I should say. I leaned back against the wall before I got the ability to spoke again …."Then it was your own fault for entering my world… you are making this hard for yourself" the mouth spoke but my eyes switched away from her face. Not that I dislike her, it's just I didn't wanted to look at her face right now._

"_You are warm …"_

_Warm?_

_I could tell the smile was lurking back to her lip. I didn't understand myself, people said when you saw the person who was what you used to be, you will become disgusted with her. Then at the moment why those quote didn't affect me? She was like the reflection of my past, naïve and stupid and I hate it whenever I thought it would lead to another tragedy. _

"_Don't be ridiculous, how could you tell when you don't even know anything about me" I said again with bitterness in my voice while still keeping my tone monotone._

"_I know"_

_You know?_

"_Stop lying"_

"_I don't"_

"_Its nonsense"_

"_It isn't"_

"…"

"…"

"_Then what kind of theory could proof your words about me" My eyes directed back towards her_

"_I could feel"_

"_Feel?"_

"_From your words … it sounded kind and caring … so I could tell when I hug you, it will felt really warm…"_

_I was taken aback by her words which sounded more like nonsense and stupid yet … it caught me off guard. It's my luck that she was blind, or else …. It would really hard to explain what happened to my face right now … I didn't want to show her my weakness._

…

…

…

_I opened my eyes as the ray of light hit it. It's those dream again … I wonder why lately I kept having the same dream. _

_When I tried to move my body, I felt something weighing the side of my body. The cause belonged to the little princess who was sleeping on my lap, now I remember …I must have fallen asleep in her room. Then I remembered the dream which I have earlier where both of us were caged within a room in a different cage, in which we could only spoke to each other behind the iron bar that restrained our freedom._

_Somehow it felt real, yet in the end it was just a dream. On that moment I saw something wet dropped down from her eyes. Strange … how come people could cry when they were sleeping, perhaps it was something inside her dream which triggered her emotion. _

_The purring sound came from her tiny lips which sounded like a whimper of an abandoned kitten. The sly little kitten woke up and smiled when the first thing she saw in the morning was me._

"_Good morning, I am sorry I guess I fall asleep …" her hand wiped the small wet drop which stained her eyes._

"_The same goes for me, this is your room after all …"_

_The memories within the dream hit me the moment I heard the giggle sound coming from her. At that time she also let me heard the same sound._

_I stood up preparing to leave but her hand tugged on my shirt. _

"_Are you going to leave?"_

_Was she questioning me? Cold stare was all I could give to her, her tug loosened thus making me able to leave at once. I left the room without glancing back, not even a slightest moment._

…

…

…

_I wonder if she also had the same dream. Her face before looked as if she was gonna cry. Something struck me as I shoved my hand inside my pocket. More likely it was like a sort of realization came hit my mind._

…

…

_Shit_

_I took the wrong cellphone_

_There was no way this green colored phone was something I own, it's completely destroy my image as the demon of clockwork alley. I sighed … just when I thought that I could find another place to play with yet now I was restricted back to her._

_Partly, I blamed myself for being so stupid as to take the wrong cellphone. The other part I blamed upon that house for existing in the first place, if I didn't go there perhaps I won't undergo this kind of change. It's pretty annoying that one little girl could change the way you behave only in several weeks._

_I sighed for the second time today … one more visit to that place…_

"_YOU GOT MAIL"_

_The screen blinking few times followed with vibration in my hand. I flipped open the green phone._

"_I guess we both took the wrong cellphone ehehe ~ wO"_

_The first thing which came into my mind was … how could she able to text when she was blind? But the fact about getting back my cellphone was much more important now, I would care less about how she did it._

"_I will take it back, just wait there"_

_I flipped the phone back, but the phone vibrated again just a moment before I put it inside my pocket._

"_Wait, right now I am not at home, could you give it back another time?"_

"_When?" I texted_

_The phone flashed one more time signaling my text has been replied, my eyes was wide open when I read the text. Not because it was too scary, the content of the text was just … too stupid …_

…

…

…

"Daddy, that man looked strange …" said a child pointing at the ash haired person while tugging her father's tuxedo.

Her father smiled, bending his body to the level of his daughter, "What make you say that, sweetie?"

"Cause … his hair is gray …"

Dell could definitely hear the little girl's remark about his appearance but he could care less about people opinion. Rather he could already predict someone would eventually point it out as he openly attended this huge banquet, dressing in tuxedo with his ash hair sticking out among black haired men. It was not something strange that people could easily spotted him, he could only hope anyone who just found him could mind their own business and stop staring at him.

While sipping on the bloody red wine, his eyes found the lost kitty he was looking for. Green hair sticking out among the grass of women, a nearly childlike body, she was the opposite gender of his situation. Some people stared at her with humiliating looks knowing the girl was blind. Some snickered, some whispering, making fun of the fact she was wearing the white bandage to cover her eye part. Although blind, the girl could tell which spot she was able to walk to but she could not tell to where she walked.

From the corner of his eyes, she just looked like a princess in fairy tale came alive. Like a Cinderella being looked down by her stepmother and stepsister. The stare from the rich women around her were same like how Cinderella's stepsister looked upon her.

Suddenly the ballroom was filled with classic music, all feet moved in their position. Everyone inside the room moved towards their position. Those nobles knew the sign when the music was played. They move gracefully while the clueless Cinderella was still wandering aimlessly, not knowing what to do.

The princess was alone inside her black world, the entire world was mocking her. Not even sympathy was given, her hand swayed searching for something among the dark. But all it could felt was void. Her rigidness could no longer stay further as tiny droplet of water called tear was struggling to fall. She felt helpless, useless. The music has started … and she still didn't know the spot where she stood.

Was she standing at the edge? At the middle? A bit to right?

The helpless girl could only clutch her hands on her white gown, wrinkling the beautiful silk. The cold breeze blow by signaling how empty her surroundings were …

Suddenly she could felt something warm crept into her hands. The weight inside her hand was slowly drained by it, she could felt it as if her hand was floating. The warmth took form into a more concrete object, it's moving … and on top of it … it was gentle. Her left hand was stretched forward, while another warmth crept on her waist. Without she realized, the warmth increased …

The warmth holding her left hand took form into a hand … gently each of its fingers passed by the hole between her fingers. The materialized hand on her waist pulled her body forward little .. by .. little … towards the source of warmth. Her feet gliding carefully as she was being pulled forward till she bumped into a broad chest. She could tell it was a boy, having confirmed the subject, all imaginary formless warmth which she could not tell before became clear.

The left strong hand which caressed around her waist, the right gentle hand which its fingers softly embraced her hand. The warm steady breath which tingled the surface of her earlobe. She could not stop the heat rising to her cheek as the unknown figure has become real. It might be illusion, but her skin could not agree with this statement, knowing that they felt something which was more real than an illusion.

The music kept playing inside the ball, she didn't knew where she was, right now all she could felt was the tenderness radiated from the person who hold her. The music then slowly made both of them move, little by little their body swayed following the rhythm of the classical piece.

The invisible thread of music etched into their body, controlling their body like a string which controlled a puppet. Soon the other puppet followed the movement of the string gracefully. The Blind Princess felt safe as she was being hold in a kind hand. She felt she was drowned inside the pool of calmness which enveloped her.

But suddenly the puppet she was dancing with stopped moving which made her noticed its odd behavior. The strings were still attached to both of them yet the puppet didn't obey the way the string ordered it to. Both puppets were attached to the same string which controlled their movement, if one should break free, it will surely affect the other.

The puppet who played with her stopped its movement so does she. With her sightless vision, she gazed at the puppet standing in front of her. Her face formed the expression of someone filled with questions.

"I am not supposed to exist here"

With those words, she felt the puppet released her hand. At each sound of its step, she could felt the puppet drifting further from her.

The warmth has left her …

…

…

…

The music string continue playing, making the puppet dance on its own will. The ballroom was filled with it, having all the puppets waltzing. But one broken puppet refused to obey the string attached to her. She stood at the balcony having her back turned against the room filled with happiness.

The blind puppet faced against the cold breeze of wind blowing against her. The same wind she always felt every day inside of her room. The music string inside the ballroom was completely unheard from outside. All she could felt was the night breeze and the sound of rustling leaf brushing against the air.

It was in that moment, that she could felt another sound joining in at the moment. The blind puppet smiled as she could felt the sounds she was familiar with.

"This looks more right…" the blind puppet said while showing her smile.

The tingling sound soon fused with another sound, forming a rhythm to create melody thus in the end formed together as music. And obviously she knew the puppet whom played the music. The sound produced from guitar when it touch its finger, the puppet was as if had been made to be a musician. The blind puppet know this, it was one of the reason she enjoyed the musician puppet's performance.

Both the music played inside the ballroom and the puppet was same and both were beautiful to listen. But somehow she prefers to listen onto his music than the music being played inside the ballroom.

Blind puppet indeed could not have sight of how beautiful the world was. But blind puppet has the advantage of being able to imagine beautiful word through their other four senses. She never thought of being blind as a curse, it was a gift instead. The music which entered her ear made her completely forgotten about the dark world she resided in. She could felt it was no longer a dark world, at the moment … it was the world created by the music he plays.

The resonating melody danced in the air as if they were concrete object. In her mind though, they were not abstract at all. She could felt the air dancing with the melody, leaf whirling around decorating the dance stage, rhythm synchronizing within the vast field. Everything was possible inside her world of imagination.

She only hoped that this world won't disappear soon … but the wish was impossible …

Human could not live in illusion …

Time ticking …

Minutes passed …

The song ended ….

The world disappeared …

Her silent world where rustling leaf and breeze blowing exist has returned. The smile vanished from her lips, exchanged with expressionless face.

"Is it the end?" her tiny mouth spelled out those words with a hint of hesitation and … fear …

The grey haired puppet stay silent …The banquet had already ended a few minutes ago, all that left after she return to that room will be complete darkness. It does not make difference though with her sightless condition. It's just this time when she return to it, her surrounding will also became void.

Dell has no intention to reply her question. He was not even interested to claim further in the beginning. The boy just wanted her to return his cellphone … that's all. And the girl made it so complicated by inviting him to this banquet.

"Give back my phone …" he stated monotonously

His eyes open wide as he turned around to look at the face of the Blind Princess.

Tears falling …

But the lips smiling …

For each tear which dropped upon the ground she tried to smile harder than she could …

The musician puppet could not comprehend …

What the princess felt at the moment …

Tear of joy?

Smile or sadness?

Which one was it?

"I want to show you something" Gumi give him one last big smile before she disappeared into the darkness of the ballroom.

Seeing the princess fade to black, the astonished boy ran inside the building. The moment he stepped inside that room, he could felt the difference of this world and the world outside. The world inside was a complete darkness, he felt like he was in her situation. It made him remember how dark his past was ….

The feeling of void could be sensed on the surface of his skin. The nightmare … the pain …

The memory was just being played back once again …

He would cry surely …

If he was Len …

But he knew he was Dell …

Dell was strong and rigid. He was cold … he knew how to stay strong …

That was what Dell supposed to be…

One light shot out from above among the darkness. He turned around looking towards the direction where the light showed him.

As the light shine above the stage, he could saw the Blind Princess sitting in front of the white grand piano decorated with flower.

Her delicate fingers were pressed gently on the tune, starting with one finger then that finger accompanied by another; they start to press the tune one by one. The voice sounded like a small prick of ice bashing against each other. But this tune was not cold, it was warm …

Just like how she could gently press the key, the voice produced was what reflected her emotion. Her lip slowly opened as she started to sing …

**Hi.. mo .. wo toite mieta kokoro no oku**

**Dareka no tame ni jibun wo kizutsuke**

**Chiisana … kono te de .. mamoreru you …**

**Tsuyoku tsuyoku negau hoshi no .. nagareru yoru ni …**

**Yozora ni … suikomareru ikusen … no matataki**

**Itsuka anata ni … todoke ni yukemasu youni ..**

**Kono uta … ni noseru ne egao … no tane wo**

**Itsuka … anata ga … hana wo sakasemasu youni …**

His expression didn't change at all; it was like nothing could falter him. Not even the slightest stagger showed in his eyes. His bang covered his eyes at the moment, not it would make much difference because the princess could not saw him after all.

"What do you think?" The Princess asked,

The grey haired boy does not seem want to answer her question though. One light step allowed him to enter the stage, basking under the same light along with the princess. The loud sounds of his footsteps made her flinched, the imaginary world has ended making her return to her boundless dark world.

Her smile faded knowing her music could not reach out to him. Seed of sorrow planted inside her, she wished that she could repay him for always playing for her. But her talent was not enough for it. Hesitantly, the Princess shoved her hand inside her pocket while she could still hear the footstep getting closer.

She felt that he might be standing in front of her sooner to take back his phone. Her hand shoved forward before her finger opened showing the thing they accidently exchanged.

In a moment of seconds, her hands stretched towards void, the shifting sound of his footstep grew closer and louder a bit before she felt something warm fell atop her head. She could felt his warm big hand patting her head, ruffling her hair. Gumi could felt her cheek getting slightly warmer with his finger gently combing her hair. The girl felt like a child for being patted like this. His presences somehow like a big brother for her …

…

…

…

Her room was never been a place where the lights always visited, but it was also not the place where the darkness could always stayed. The lighting inside her room mostly like a light from firefly which struggling to shine in the end of their lives. Strangely, for her it was the most comfortable place she could belong. She could lie on her bed, swaying her leg back and forth behind her while embracing her rabbit doll comfortably.

For Dell though it was a mystery, mystery to both this room and his behavior. The softness presence somehow could still left from delusion on his hand which ruffled her hair earlier. He won't tell her, but he need to be honest to himself that the feeling of touching her hair was something enjoyable. Looking at his hand right now made his hand ache to touch her hair once again. Or does it only hair the spot which he wanted to touch?

The Princess giggled while hugging her rabbit doll tighter, suppressing herself when she was overflowing with happiness never has been her forte. When happiness filled her heart, she could not stop from the smile forming on her soft lips while her heart could not stop beating in rapid speed. The constant giggle somehow was the result of her inability to hold her happiness.

"Could you stop giggling like that? It started to get annoying." Dell was slowly finding himself being annoyed with her sound, even though he was contradicting with himself.

The girl flinched a bit when he commented but nevertheless she could not reply anything to him. The girl just simply hugged her doll tighter and hides her face, trying her best to hold it this time so that it might not annoy him. She was just afraid that he might leave her again.

For the boy though, his eyes tried to comprehend her weird behavior so he tried to gaze at her shivering form which was giving her best to suppress her giggling. Small indeed, but he could felt his lip was also trying hard to form a smile as the reaction seeing her cuteness. His honesty though made his eyes darted across the ruffling green threads flowing from her hair. The delusion still able to reform on his hand, his brain froze at the moment like he was entering a trance. Right hand moved slowly reaching the waterfall of green threads with each seconds felt like eternity before it slowly moving closer to her hair.

DING DONG

Dell retracted his hand immediately with the loud bell ringing; the girl also noticed the bell door ringing which caused her to rise from her bed.

"Ah it's must be my friend "the girl giggles came back as she slowly descend from her bed.

The grey haired kid stood up, he intended to move his feet towards balcony but was stopped when he felt her tugging on his shirt.

"What?" he asked with cold tone,

"I … I … I wanna introduce you to my friend … don't go … please …" she begged

It would be a problem if her friend recognized him as the resident of the grey alley, but at the same time, he also though that perhaps they won't be able to recognize him with his hood covering his face.

"MILADY ! YOUR FRIENDS HAS ARRIVED, I WILL LET THEM PROCEED TO YOUR ROOM LIKE USUAL" Rui shouted from downstairs,

Dell casted another glance towards Gumi whom gripped his shirt tighter.

"Be quick" he said before he patted her head once again, the girl looked at him with dumbfounded expression when she realized what she just felt. The face quickly turned into a happy face. The princess proceeded towards her bedroom door while Dell could hear clearly the sound of footsteps getting closer.

Gumi smiled and greeted the guest happily,

"Come in ! Rin, Kaito and Miku !"

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own the song mentioned here**

**Song : Hoshi no Nagareru Yoru ni**


	22. Chapter 22 : Remember

It's been few days since Miku was discharged from the hospital, it was supposed to be good news, but I was not as happy as I supposed to be. Sure I was happy with this news, but my head was a mess ever since the incident at hospital. I felt a lot of buzzing sounds inside my mind as if a swarm of bee had invaded my brain ever since that incident.

My mind was playing like a broken TV screen in a loop, some memories which I could not remember. It's vague, it's hazy, it's uncertain. Why would I call him … Len? When I was certain this was my first time seeing his face. But his face looked familiar. I spoke the name "Len" unconsciously when it happened. The confusion increased when I recognized him in my vague memories having blonde hair, not grey … did I … forget something?

. . .

. . .

. . .

I opened the door to Miku room carefully, making sure not to wake her up. Upon seeing Miku's sleeping face, my lip formed into a gentle smile. She was sleeping peacefully. It was like the burden was lifted from her body. This was my first time seeing her face so serene. She looked really like an angel at the moment.

The blanket covered her small fragile body, her head was facing towards my direction, I could clearly saw her tiny little lips exhaling and inhaling the air from within her body while her hands grasped onto the sheet lightly.

I approached her and kneeled down beside her bed while watching her sleeping face. A realization came to me the moment I drifted my gaze at her long teal hair.

"How long it has been since the last time I ruffled your hair?"

In past she loved how my finger would ruffle her pretty long hair, but at the present I wonder if she would still like it. Seeing how different our relationship was right now. Will she hate it right now if I touched her hair? Reacting to that question, my hand slowly moved towards forest of teal thread, trying to rewind the clock in the past. I took a strand of her hair and rubbed it with my finger, the softness of her hair didn't change. It was still fluffy . . . and filled with familiar lavender scent …

Suddenly a jolt of pain shot inside my head. I withdraw my hand from her hair and clutched at my head. The buzzing voice came back once again, my mind filled with the broken TV screen just like before. What happened with me? I . . . I only touched her hair … why … the throbbing pain returned? … I . . . I . . . What's going on with me?

"Kai … to?"

Her eyes opened, looking straight at me, I think I have caused a bit ruckus. My mind went blank immediately, I … I didn't know how should I react, the last time she saw me was when she bit my shoulder. My breath seem stopped as her eyes stared onto mine, her eyes scanned me carefully. I think it won't be a good idea if I stay longer … the hate between both of us was still … lingering …

"Ah, I am sorry to wake you up … don't worry … I will be going now" I stood up. My intention was to leave the room at once, but her hand clutched into my sleeves to stop my track.

"Don't go …" my eyes was wide open as I saw her whimpering like a child. She looked sad … more like her eyes were telling me that she didn't want to be alone.

"Miku …"

I slowly returned to my original position, her hand released its grip, it caressed my cheek instead. I could felt how warm her touch was against my skin. The red flare tinted my face, I could not hold it. It was like my cheek was flaring with flame, the warm increased.

"Are you …ok…? You look … pale …"

I was stunned …

After what I have done to her … she was still willing to worry about me …

Her soothing voice, the angle voice … The voice I used to hear. I could hear it once again.

"Kai … to?"

Am I still allowed to have this happiness?

I didn't know what possessed me. My mind was filled with the thoughts of her. I didn't know what emotion I was feeling … Hate? Lust? Envy? Which one is it …?

My hand slowly approached her face. The tip of my finger gently caressed her cheek. The sudden action caused her to close her eyes in surprise, her body was shaking … yet it didn't stop me to go further. The warmth on my finger felt satisfied only touching her cheek, it moved slowly from her cheek towards the skin near her eyes.

It's warm …

She hesitantly trying to open one of her eyes, but as my fingers passed it, she closed it immediately, like a child afraid of being scolded. How cute …

It's not warm enough … I want to touch a warmer spot on her body …

My finger spotted her tiny little lips as it brushed past it accidently, an idea came to my mind, I think I found another warm spot. I crooked my finger a bit and hooked her lower lips, gently forcing her to open her mouth. She didn't mind at all even though I have gone this far, the frightened eyes opened carefully, revealing a pair of beautiful azure irises. She is so cute … once I could tear her lips apart, my finger sneaked inside the cavern of her mouth. The princess gasped yet my finger preventing her voice.

She whimpered as I added two fingers inside, I moved on the top of her, towering over her body, one hand beside her head while my leg pressed on the bed sheet beside hers. My fingers moved in and out in slow place, sometimes I would move them inside so they could touch every sensitive part inside of her. She was struggling to whimper, yet her voice was sealed. The struggle resulted in an incomplete voice which sounded like a wail. For the first time I could ever saw her flushed so deep red. Her pleading eyes, her breath which tickling my finger … and to add of it I was simply amused more with her reddened face.

I smiled … I continued to wiggle my fingers inside it. Seeing how slippery and wet it was, I added one more finger inside it. Her body arched forward reacting to it, her eyes were fully open in slow pace, I could saw how surprised she was. There was no sign of her which told me that she didn't want this, so … didn't mind if I stepped further, right? The finger almost could not fit inside her, yet I still moved it inside, this time her whimper could be heard for each tick of second, to be more exactly the sound of incomplete moan.

Did she felt excited? If she did … then so did I …

Bead of sweat could be shown sliding on her forehead, Tears threatening to spill from her pretty eyes. sI wonder why I enjoy seeing her succumbed to my control like this. Perhaps I like being on top, the teasing was so fun.

Teasing? No I think … the right word was "Dominance".

Yes … Dominance … how could I forget this? I like dominating this girl the most … I will make her plead for forgiveness … begs for mercy … Tremble in both pleasure and fear … It was the right choice in order to unleash my hatred, fulfill my happiness. That's fair, right? I could be happy and angry at her at the same time.

Huh? … Since when … I ever … dominate her?

_DING DONG_

The doll bell rang as I opened my eyes in realization. Sense came back to me as the voice rang. When I fully realize, I quickly retract my fingers out from her mouth. Miku coughed a few times in agony. Tears dropped down from her eyes. Sweats were glistening on her beautiful skin.

When I looked back at her pale neck, frightened eyes and pained face, my mind could not ring in pleasure. Following it, my body reacts for each breath she took rapidly. Her flushed face, her … body which succumbed to me … It was all so realistic… like I wanted to … dominate her?

DING DONG

The second bell has ringed, immediately I took off from her bed. I never realize that my own breath also in the same pace like her, in desperate attempt to inhale as much air as possible.

"I … I will open the door."

I dashed out from the room at once, moving along the hallway. If I stay any longer, I could not guarantee her safety. I looked at my trembling hand … What am I doing?

Why … I felt like want to hurt her so much?

The moment passed when I looked myself reflected in the bathroom mirror for a brief when I walk through the hallway, I looked like a mess. My face was flushed, my breathing was unstable. The reflected finger on the mirror show the silvery liquid which still lingering in it, the evidence of the previous activity.

I shook my head at once … I have been able to be with her again after so long, I am not going to ruin this …

DING DONG

I hastened my walk, not wanting to look at the mirror any longer …

Focus

Focus

Focus

If I opened this door, then I would erase all this memories.

Yes …

The door was just a few feet away …

It's a door of freedom …

I could forget all of this, if I opened this door…

Everything looked like a slow motion before my hand could touch the silver colored knob …

Each step took me closer to it …

Each ticking second let me closer to the escape …

Escape …

My hand touched the knob, as the tick of time move; my hand could fully grasp the knob …

This is it …

I twisted the knob when the 4th bell rang, opening the door to my escape.

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My face dropped …

The sight before me has caused it …

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"What's wrong?"

Step back

"It was as if you have seen a ghost"

Step back

"Changing your attitude after seeing my face?"

I said step back

"Like what you see? This familiar face you hurt?"

STEP BACK

"Want me to remind you who you are?"

I SAID STEP BACK

"I guess you are craving to remember it, right?"

NO

"Remember the Crimson Fireflies, Shion"

NO, PLEASE GO AWAY

"If you want to remember it so much … I will make you remember …"

I SAID GO AWAY!

"Shion Kaito … you are …"

STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!

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"a Two-faced Sadist…"

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Behind the door of freedom, he stood there …

THE BLACK HOODED BOY

Now … I remember …

Everything …


	23. Chapter 23 : Snow Part 1

White …

Everything was white …

Snow was what I saw on the day when I was born, the tiny little white things descending from heaven like a fairy covered in white cloth, slowly melt and fade away as its reach the ground. The scenery repeat in a loop as the other followed the fate of the others. In my small eyes, those fairies never really show sadness or happiness, even though they knew their fate was decided from the moment they were born. Yet they still gave their best to live to express their beauty. I didn't think there was any other scenery more beautiful than snowflakes. Through the cruel fate … they could create such beautiful scenery, and vanish without anyone to remember them …

The memory of my birth was snow which I could saw, but that either was vague. I could not remember the rest after that scenery. Everything was like a skip of time as the snowflakes was the memories which I could remember the most, seeing it was the only scene which I saw through my feeble little eyes on the day of my birth.

At the age where I could start to record my own memories, all I could saw was several iron bars lined up in front of me. The Iron bar was probably as tall as me, seeing I am not that big yet, it was enough to separate and prevent me from reaching the world behind it. I lived in a cramped space where those human confined me behind this metal bar, forcing me to live inside this narrow space.

If I saw through the gap between the metal bars, I could saw the other same kinds of me being held in same situation. The box which sealed with metal bar all was topped on one another, making it like a mountain of boxes. They all bark nonstop wanting to be freed yet their demand was replied with a slash of whip. I didn't truly understand the situation, seeing I just begun having the ability to remember. There was too much things which I still could not understand.

The warehouse where I lived for indeed was never a neat place to begin with, so far my sight could saw was mountain of metal box cages topped one with another. The wall was crumbled a bit with a hint of green mold growing in it. Yet what disturbed my nose the most was the stench coming from the corpse of my kin. Their body starting to rot and those human doesn't care about it at all. They want to torment us by mental either, other than using physical torment, our sensitive nose just increased the corpse strong stench, I could not count how many times I have fainted.

Day by day I could finally start to understand my situation. This was what those human call "Pest Control", I think. They caught wild animals who roamed around the street without owner. It was not a wonder that the other would kept barking, asking for freedom. Yet the humans show no mercy to us, the food their provided was really tasteless and less than needed, it could not even fill our stomach properly seeing they only feed us once per day. Those who dare to bite them would be chopped into mince of meat and eaten alive. They ate our flesh like nothing, seeing it was not a crime at all. I heard them laughed saying how pitiful to live as an animal, since their flesh could be eaten without anyone care at all. So this is what human looks like.

I remember that I never even once bite at them nevertheless bark, yet they sometimes forced me out of my cage and whipped me. I could not stand against them. I didn't want to be chopped into pieces of meat, so all I could do was receiving the blow which I didn't deserve. The wicked smile played on their face as they whipped each part of my body without mercy. I whimpered in pain, but for them it sound like a beautiful voice. If I tried to move they would pull the rope connected to the collar on my neck before landing another blow. Sometimes I wonder what I have done to make them torment me like this.

There was also another human which came to visit us. They dressed differently from the human who kept us. They were neater and cleaner, seeing our keeper always dressed with clothes stained with dirt, those people clean appearance was something new in my eyes. So the human could also dress cleanly like this. Their attitude differ from each other's, some have same attitude with our keeper, only they expressed it in a form of verbal violence instead of physical violence. But among those, there also exist a human which was kind enough to talk to us, some even patted our head in kind manner.

Mostly were children and elder, they would smile at us kindly, whenever it happened somehow I could remember the white fairy which melted the moment of their birth in my memory. Their calm kindness was same like them, although I don't know if these humans also have a short life or not, seeing they were so kind. Does kind beings tend to vanish that fast? Or … does good moment only last for a while? When I thought about it, suddenly their visiting hours ended, and each of them went back to the place they belong, so they indeed disappeared …

On one night, I could saw a familiar scene I remember during the moment of my birth. I could not even remember my own mother face, seeing snow was my only companion that time. When I peeked through the gap between the metal bars and through the window glass, I could saw the white fairy descending outside. Although a bit far from my position, but I could saw them clearly from this angle, they never change, still wearing that white appearance and melted with ground as it reach it. Whenever I saw them, it was like some sign from the sky, like an Angel who was sent down to save me. A small weak angle which could only live for a few seconds before it vanished without trace while leaving their beautiful art behind.

I knew that they could not save me, but seeing them trying so hard just to cheer me up was enough for me. It was the thought which counts right? I growl happily, how strange … I was starting to spoke like human. Is this what it felt when I associate with them? Although those who kept us here were cruel, but those who came visit us are kind. I learned how to feel kindness when seeing them.

Lately there was this one youngster which kept visiting me during visiting week, even though the others human prefer to look at the neater one, this youngster willingly to spend his time staring at me with curiosity. I would not say I was not dirty but I was not also neater than any of my kinds here and to add on it, people rarely notice me. The only one who noticed me were those humans who kept us here, and it was never been a good sign when you were noticed by those kinds of people. But I could felt this youngster was different, his big gold eyes looked at me curiously, like I was something new in his life. Well if I was the first new unique being which he saw in his life, then he was also the first new unique being which I saw in my life. I smiled realizing this fact. Perhaps this was what they call coincidence.

The young boy opened his mouth in surprise as he saw me smiled. In return he smiled back, mimicking me. It was not a bright smile of kindness or even wicked smile of evil, just a small smile with calmness and innocence. We just stared at each like that for a pretty long time, without I realize the visiting hours ended. The boy stood up, reacting to the voice who called him before it disappeared from my sight.

The things which hold kindness and beauty could not last long, just like those snowflakes. That was what I believed and for once … I was wrong. In another visiting day, the boy came back again, looking at me from the same exact spot. The staring contest between me and him continued for a long time. I wonder why would he wanted to visit me who placed at the furthest part of the area, some people felt too lazy to walk to this place yet this boy never seemed to get tired of it. Instead he smiled a lot than before.

Suddenly he stood up and ran away. I wonder where he went to. I could faintly hear his voice from afar, but I could not decipher the words clearly, human language was pretty difficult to learn. I could only understand a little bit of it, if they talk in long and full sentences, I won't be able to understand all of it. Even if I did, I could not communicate with them properly, I could only bark, growl and whimper. That's all I could do.

It does not take long before the youngster went back in front of me, returned to the stare contest which we left before. This time he smiled like he has won something in his life, since I could clearly saw the row of white teeth as he showed his smile. Well not trying to compare it with him, my teeth were different from him since it was sharper than what he got there. The happy moment came to an end as it once again the bell rang indicating the visiting hour has ended. I wish it could last longer.

Gradually, it became a habit for that youngster to come visit me during every visiting day. Compared to before, we no longer stare at each other like usual. Instead he got permission from the guard to take me out for a while. For the first time I could felt the life outside of the cage which cramped me not for torment purpose. I raised my head to look at his smile. He would sit lean to wall and I would sit on his lap, listening to his story. For the first time I could saw his black hair which matched with his gold eyes.

Apparently he came from a family which was not rich or poor, he live with his brother. And since his brother felt he was pretty lonely at home and with him at work, sometimes he would take him to this place. And I think his brother was glad for bringing him to this place at first, since I could saw him enjoying his story-telling very much. His smile never waver, not even once as he continued with his story. He was a youngster who didn't have many friends seeing he has a weak body to begin with.

The story telling session was so much fun, I enjoy his company, I admit. It could color my dull life with a new kind of paint and coincidently he also enjoyed me being his company. I wonder how long left till the time ends.

I learned a new theory from him while listening to his story. Sometimes he would felt lonely when his brother went to work, during that time he would felt sad, but that moment would soon disappear when his brother returned, that was the moment when he felt happy. The youngster told me, whenever there was something good happened in your life, I should cherish it, because it won't last long. It sounded like a really depressing quote, I whimpered sadly. But that was not the end either, he said. During the sad time I must bear with it, since it was the same as happy moment, there is no sad moment which last long. There is an end to everything.

The last words which he just told me surprised me, at the same time it was also signaling the end of the visiting hour, since the ball rang once again. He put me back inside the cage before running off towards his brother. His words rang inside my head, till now I only think it was only happy moments which lasted for a while just like those white fairy. But I never thought it also happened with sad moment, and seeing how our meeting ended which returned me to my narrow dull world. His words turned into truth at the moment. What a wise youngster, I thought.

The dull life which I lived on till now gradually became an interesting life which I never considered before. The pain moment of my life return, but I bear it … with the hope to saw his smiling face … and listening to his story once again…

Cherish it, because the happy moments won't last long

Bear with it, because the sad moment won't last forever

I could go on with this life … with this will …

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…

I don't exactly know for how long since I have been brought to this world, if I remember correctly, in human calculation I think it's about 2 months since I was born. I learned pain, sorrow, happiness, all kind of emotion which I could felt. The emotions which make me alive were what make me go through this. I learn that every life has up and downs, everything need balance. When there was sorrow, at the same time there was also happiness. So whenever my life was in pain, I bear with it, no matter how many times those humans torment me, I could endure it, because I knew happiness was within the reach. That black haired youngster, I just felt like I depend on his words to live.

One day, it occurred that one of the workers in my place goes to suicide, from what I heard it was something which killed him. I don't think I ever heard of its name before, but it definitely something which was strong enough to kill a human. I heard it's called "Love". I wonder what kind of emotion it was, seeing it was able to kill a human, I think it must be not much different from pain and sorrow, something which you must endure I guess.

It occurred to me seeing this fact, why would human suicide? Did they could not endure this "Love?"

Was it something stronger than pain which you could not endure? Those human's emotion was really complicated that I could not understand most of it. Only from that youngster that I could learn this emotion, maybe I could ask him about this "Love", what kind of pain it was I wonder? Why can't you endure it? Then … if this emotion struck me … will I also die? There was end to everything, right?

The visiting came around again, it means I got the opportunity to meet him once more. For past this 1 month he has been visiting me often. 4 times a week I guess, one extra day if it was national week. The boy name is Kagene Rei. The boy gave me company. In return I also gave him the same thing. I guess both of us wanted company in our life, seeing how colorless my life was. I wonder if he also has the same life like me. Judging from his expression, I didn't think he was suffering. His smile was too bright for someone who suffered in pain.

Speaking of Rei appearance, He is not too tall or too short, I think he was around 17 years old in human age calculation. Human lifespan were far longer than mine, I age quite faster than them. He got a black hair and gold colored eyes, the school uniform was what he always wear whenever he visit me. It consisted of white buttoned shirt with black trouser.

Rei told me something which surprised me. He said that he would adopt me to their household. I didn't know how to response to it, I was happy that someone want me in their life. I barked back at him in response while wagging my tail, showing how happy I was. He then lifted me up and hugged me. I could not say how happy I was hearing this news. There was indeed the end to every pain.

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…

The promised day came closer for each ticking sound ringing inside the warehouse. Each tick reminded me how close the happy moment will approach me soon. I could say farewell to those whips which left unforgettable scar etched into my body. Although I didn't really have any idea about the life I am going to experience from this moment. Wonder what kind of house where Rei resided, how about his brother? I never met him, not even once.

Those questions kept spinning in my head, how strange … for a feeble minded being like me. I sure think a lot, perhaps because I was still a puppy. Those human always said that infant always grow curious with everything. If I looked at myself right now, perhaps it was right that I always curious with anything. The life which I was going to experience was indeed unknown, but Rei's words always taught me how to stay strong, I was sure there was gift waiting at the end of the road, no matter how painful it was.

As I looked outside of my cage, I could saw those white fairies descending from the sky again. I think they were happy for me, seeing I was going to experience a new life soon, a life which was far better than my current life. I guess it was a farewell for them either, other than Rei, those white fairies were the other beings which keep me company in this lonely cage. I howled with happiness, trying to reply their kindness for always accompanying me wherever I was. It was as if returning my thanks, more fairies descended down, dancing on the sky before they touched the ground and vanish.

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The promised day came. A worker came and took me out from the cage. I was brought into a room, a desk was placed in the middle of the room and someone was writing something on the paper placed above the desk. It was pretty big room for a small fella like me, for those human perhaps this place was just a bit small compared on how large the warehouse was. Seeing the entrance door and exit door distance was not less than 5 square. The lighting in the room was quite dark, the light bulb above the desk does not help much for the lighting, it was pretty worn out and could went off anytime soon.

My attention drift back towards the two persons who stood in front of the desk, one was Rei, gleaming happily as he looked at me, I barked in response. The other person was pretty tall, between him and Rei, he was one head taller. Judging from his lab coat he wears, I think he is Rei's brother, the youngster told me once that his brother worked as a doctor, plus I could saw the similarity between two of them. The taller guy talked to the desk receptionist while Rei picked me up from the worker hand. It seemed like they were talking about my price. After a few seconds, the man bowed at the receptionist and walked along with his little brother towards the exit.

The door which opened was like a light among this darkness. It shone brightly against this dark room, and I could not believe that I was step by step moving closer towards that light. I looked back once more time towards the dark room, the place where I opened my mind for the second time before the door closed, separating the light and dark world.

From afar I could saw the sun setting over the horizon with a view of tall building blocking its light which caused the sky to turn orange. The chirp from the flock of bird on the sky showed us who stood on the concrete ground what time it was. As I looked around, I never realize that the outside of this building was actually an unused lot, seeing there were 3 big pipe lying horizontally with one pipe topped on the other two on my right.

It was not such a big lot with the wall restricted it size, the entrance of the building have no door, just simply a spot where there was no wall for us to walk through. From this point I could saw that once we cross the gap between the gaps, it would lead to roadway. I could already saw a glimpse of few cars passed my eyes.

"Big brother, let's go home now, I want to show Snow what our house looks like" Rei said while holding me above his head.

Snow? So my name is Snow?

The tall man turned his head and looked at me, "Rei, you should ask the little fella permission first before you name him, he looks surprised"

The doctor voice was a bit heavy yet steady. It sounded more like father voice rather than a brother voice. Now that I looked at him, he seems a bit too old as Rei's brother, perhaps he is his father, but Rei called him brother…

Hearing his brother response, Rei lowered his hand, turned me around and looked at me. His eyes looked innocent yet also confused at the same time

"Don't you like "Snow"?"

I didn't say I dislike it, rather the name seems suit me better, I barked in response showing no opposition, in return the boy eyes gleam in cheerful manner before he turned me around once again to face his brother.

"Look! Brother! He like it, we should name him Snow then!"

The tall man scratched the back of his head and flicked the forehead of his little brother lightly. I could hear Rei grunting from the light pain, and then the man spoke, "You are 17 already, Rei. Stop acting like I kid … geez. You should know if you want to name the little fella might as well introduce our-self first"

The man turned his head at me before he lowered his body, so our eyes were on the same level. His pitch-black eyes pierced right into mine before he spoke, "My name is Sennagi Kugetsu. Welcome to our family, Snow"

He smiled after the brief introduction, the smile which held no dark intention, a truly sincere smile.

Thus it was in that moment that my life changed line …


	24. Chapter 24 : Snow Part 2

Snow Part Two

Living with the two brothers has made my life became interesting. Unlike other humans who treat me animal way, the two treat me like I was part of the family. When Rei goes to school, Kugetsu would take me to his work place. When it was time for Rei to return, he would escort me back to home and went back to his workplace again. When Rei has no school, I would spend my time playing with him, but mostly I like it when he told me about his daily life which I didn't know. When it was Sunday, both of them would stay home, spending some time with me. It was strange how they treat me so human like, it was as if I was human …

Once they took me to a pet shop to get a wash for my body. They said they also need to cut some of my fur which was starting to overgrowth. Once I looked in the mirror after a pretty long bath, I was surprised when I saw myself reflected on the mirror. It was the first time I saw my fur being so white, usually it was dirty with dirt. Now that it was clean, I could saw myself bathing in white color. Rei smiled at me when he saw my new form,

"It was not a mistake to name you Snow after all."

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…

The place where Kugetsu work was really sparkling clean, the wall was clear white without any hint of dirt. It was a pretty small workplace, but enough for 10 people to fit inside. Most of the time when there was no client, he would spend his time talking with me while I sat on his table, He would usually sat on his chair which was close to window, I guess the room itself pretty much similar to infirmary at school except the cupboard was not filled with much medicine. Kugetsu always wore a lab coat during work time, I thought he was a doctor which handle sick patient but the few amount of drugs which placed on the cupboard somehow doesn't fit the criteria.

"What's wrong, Snow? Something up on your mind?" It was as if he read my mind, he looked on the direction where I stare: The cupboard.

He patted my head and I turned around looking at him, his usual smile come back as he spoke, "You are wondering why there are not so many drugs in my cupboard even though I am a doctor, right?"

I nodded

The doctor chuckled, he lean his back on the chair in more relaxed manner.

"You see, little fella … I am phycology doctor, my work use mouth more than using drugs, and my policy is "I don't use drug if it is not necessary" You understand?"

Since I only saw him work a few times, I could not understand it yet. I frowned in confusion and whimpered. This thing was something new to me, so I could not understand it well enough.

Kugetsu laughed when he saw my expression, "I guess it is still a bit too fast for you to learn about this fact" he said

A Knock on the door stopped our conversation; Kugetsu straightened himself before he told the figure behind the door to come in.

As the door opened, two people enter the white room. A woman in his mid-twenty holding the hands of a boy, the boy seems on the same age as Rei. The difference between him and my owner perhaps lie on his expression. While Rei always cheerful and a bit clumsy sometimes, this boy shows no emotion on his face, it was like the person who lost his will to live.

Kugetsu stood up to greet the woman; he showed the usual sincere smile which became his trademark. I hopped down from the table, knowing very well I didn't want to disturb my owner's job. I walked to the corner of the room and lie there, looking at the woman who starts having conversation with Kugetsu.

"Kuu, I am sorry to disturb you again, but could you help me as usual" The women spoke

"Don't worry about it, I am free right now after all" my owner replied

The woman smiled yet her eyes contain sadness within, she bowed at my owner before she spoke to the boy. I could not hear pretty clearly since she was whispering at him, the boy nodded. Then after she bowed once again, she left the room, leaving the boy inside the room.

"So, shall we get started?" Kugetsu spoke, the boy seems understand what he means, as he took a chair and drag it to a spot across from Kugetsu chair. Both of them then sat down as my owner start to take a clipping board and wrote something on it.

"Doctor, are you happy to have people giving you attention?" the boy suddenly spoke

I watched each gesture from my owner, reacting to the words of the boy, his hand clench a bit harder at the clipping board for a moment. His face expression didn't change though, still the same and cheery one.

"Each being in this world needs attention no matter how small it is, I think the attention I have at present is more than enough." My owner replied without looking at his eyes, he just continues scribbling on his clipping board.

The boy went silent for a moment, this time it was Kugetsu turn to ask, "Kaito, aren't you happy having people giving you attention?"

The blue haired boy raised his head, still looking at the person in front of him who not even looked at him at the moment.

"No … I am not … at the end of the road … I-I-I …. I could not bear the pain of losing someone …"

For once he put down the clipping board and looked at him, "Didn't I told you already … The pain of losing someone is something which everyone need to bear. Shutting yourself from society is not the way. Some people prefer to be alone, but no one could ever endure solitude … no exception to anyone."

The boy looked down, he gripped his pants harder. As I looked at him, he must be enduring the pain which ached in his chest.

"If … meeting people means farewell, I would rather separate myself from them …"

At that moment I could heard faintly about their conversation but I could not decipher their words. My eyes felt sleepy… it was not long before I doze off and went to the dreamland.

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"Thank you for today"

My ears tingles as I heard the voice of the Boy named Kaito, I slowly opened my eyes. I saw him together with the woman from before, both of them bowed before leaving the room.

I yawned a bit loudly which caught the attention of my owner, He smiled at my direction, "Having a nice nap, Snow?"

I barked in response before hopping back to his work table. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but even if I want I could not spoke in human language.

Kugetsu noticed my questioning stare, "What's wrong? Are you curious about the boy who just left?"

I barked once again, as usual this person could read my mind very well, I guess he was watching my gesture and facial expression to read my mind.

"You are one curious fella, aren't you?" his big hand patted my head gently before he sat back in his chair in a more relaxed manner without cutting off his sight from me.

"You see … that boy has unique ability. He is a kind and honest boy, people always felt attracted to him no matter what. It is the reason that he got so many friends whether at school or society"

"Isn't that a good thing?" I thought, not all being could get attention they wanted; some even never receive attention at all.

"Well it is a good thing that he is gifted with this, but all gift come with a price. His best friend … died few months ago …"

I stayed silent when I heard "Death". I never thought it would be as bad as that, the word "Death" never once crossed my mind, but whenever it happened, it never been a good thing. This make me remember about the coworker who died from killing himself.

"Ever since that accident, that child believe his gift is a curse. He shut himself from the rest of the world, fearing to face another "farewell"."

So that was the reason why he needs to receive medication from my owner.

"Well but lately he is starting able to cope with the situation, from what I heard he was slowly opening to his classmates"

The looks in my owner eyes show how much happiness he bear at the moment, and from the look of it, I could tell that he was very happy. For a doctor to be able successfully cure his patient was greatest happiness which they could felt. I guess this was what he felt at the moment.

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…

7 weeks has passed since I was adopted, I guess I was pretty much able to get used to this life. The usual routine which governs my life previously somehow slightly change a bit. I no longer accompanying Kuugetsu as much as usual, since I realize it's better not to disturb his job. He was the backbone of the family after all, therefore I think it's better to let him concentrate on his job.

I have been thinking on how to repay the brothers for taking care of me, since it was because of them that I could went this far in my life.

It was then an idea came to my mind … I could help watching over Kugetsu's client …

It was the reason that I was here today, I … standing in front of the huge gate which separated me from the school ground.


	25. Chapter 25 : Memories - Part 1

Memories – Part One

The tiny little fur ball stared as hundreds of feet left the school, yet among those people, he knew no one. He could not be able to find the one he was searching for. The single tiny depression slipped inside his heart, but it didn't falter him from continuing his journey. Occasionally some people would steal a glance at his tiny form standing in front of the gate with its gaze never leave the entrance of the school building.

Snow felt that perhaps his method was wrong, he knew that some student took extra lesson after school, so perhaps Kaito was one of them. With the new idea struck his head, the little fella jumped to the edge of the school wall.

The puppy proceeded walking around the school ground, searching for a certain blue haired teen within this huge school. It does not take long before he could finally spot him sitting at the window edge. The little fella walked further to get a better view of the boy, and he was met with the larger view of him, scolding someone.

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"_Miku!", The fiery tone send shivers to my body, I turned around knowing very well who spoke in such wrath filled words at me._

"_You stupid girl ! Who ever ask you to come to my competition!" his piercing glare made me felt completely vulnerable in front of him._

_Is that …. All he was angry about?_

"_B-but … I thought it should be okay … "my stuttered words were cut off instantly by the pain felt on my head as he yanked my hair forcefully._

"_Are you deaf!? Need I to remind you not to talk back!" he purposely shouted on my ear as I could felt hurt in two different kind of places on my body. One, on my ear …_

_And the other falls on my heart … _

_He let go my hair and as the result I fall to ground, he disappeared from my sight before shooting me a nasty looks on my way … at the same time giving me signal not to get close to him._

_Sometimes I wonder … why I could not hate him …_

_Despite how much pain I get from him … I was supposed to hate him, yet fear paralyzed me, making me succumb to his domination._

_Today was my birthday, but no one remember about it_

_Not even him …_

_Even if they did know … no one cares about it …_

_That's why I decide to watch his competition as form of gift for myself_

_Yet he asked me not to come_

_He changed ever since Len was kicked out from school …_

_It was also the day when I saw him turn into a wicked person …_

_Sometimes I thought that Len didn't deserve that kind of treatment, yet whenever I mention it, he would hit me … curse me … for some rare occasion, he would even try to kill me…_

_Inside his life … I knew that "Len Kagamine" already died …_

_23__rd__ November 2004, it's the turning point of my boyfriend, Kaito Shion, the day when he treated his friend dead …_

_Today, 23__rd__ March marked as 3 months since that turning point day which made my life into hell. _

_He told me not to come, s-so I could not come … even though I want to come to his competition so much … cheering on him. But I was too scared of him, he was so terrifying when he get angry._

_I wish I could spend more time with him, but all he we ever did whenever we meet was pain. It was either I succumbing to his endless torture or him giving me disgusting look as if I was a worm eating the leftover foods._

_Whenever he was with me he will never smile. In exchange bruise and harsh words were what I got. It so difference when he was with his friends, he would smile a lot. But when with me … his wrath is what I remember. When in front of his friends, we would smile like a normal couple. But once we are out of their sight, he would stop holding my hands and walked away angrily, with me following him._

_I thought, it must be because I am so selfish, wanting something without doing anything. I didn't know if it proved wrong or not, but I already throw away hope to gain his kindness… it would never come true after all._

_Sometimes I envy how he smiled when he looked at the other, he would never smile at me when we are alone … not even once. There never been any good mood when we are alone, he would mumble a few curse saying how stupid for him to waste his time on me. I only hope one day he could smile at me, even it is only once in lifetime but it turns out it will never happen._

_If he hate me this much … why would he date me? _

_I … could not understand …_

_I pressed softly on the piano keys as it sound echoed inside the music room,_

_But tears still spilling from my eyes,_

_I should try harder to play properly, if I don't … I might break more than this …_

_I felt so ashamed that I pitied myself, it was so shameful that I wish I could forget everything and start a new life. For me, self-pity is the most shameful things I have done in my life. It does not help, only increase my pain. Nothing special after all when your birthday comes … the difference is … it's just become crueler than your usual day._

_Only the piano is my remedy …_

_The soft sound of tingling key heal the scars inside my heart little by little, before it drifted back to his harsh words and scar even more. I tried to play faster, yet it didn't help much. How much I was healed could not compare to how much I was scarred._

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"_Great Job Kaito!" one of my best friend, Rin told me_

_I thanked her as we exchange slapping our hand together, but the next words I heard brought bitter and angry taste to my mouth._

"_I don't see Miku at the audience seat?"_

_I felt anger boiling up inside me, but this is Rin here I am talking to, I should not let her saw my not-so-usual state, besides there are so many people here. So I tried my best to maintain that smile I am fond of,_

"_She is not coming, I think I forgot to tell her about it …"_

_Rin tilted her head in confusion, perhaps she wanted to know how rare of me to forget something about that, especially when it comes to my own girlfriend. Honestly, Rin had no idea that the way I look at Miku is different from the way she usually saw us._

_No one could understand my sadistic side which awakened recently after the incident of "Len", so to keep myself calm I pent up my desire at Miku, who so willingly accepting it. Ironically, the more I find it fun to torture her, the more I hate her, because In my eyes I looked at her as someone who willing to done anything to grab my attention._

_In other words, attention whore …_

_And I hate attention whore so much …_

_Remembering her always made my blood boil in frustration, but I need her to ease my hatred, and eventually it's become addiction to hurt her._

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The boy hand clutched tightly at the girl's throat as the girl struggled to breath. The hitched incomplete voice came out in a form half willed moan in his ears. But that was also what made his clutch on her neck became tighter. Flare of red flames were what reflected on his eyes.

She was completely vulnerable in front of his scary presence, her body felt as if they are made from stone. It never occurred to her that her body would be so heavy to move. Even in this situation where he could just kill her at once, she still didn't dare to oppose.

He hated her with all his heart,

And she loved him with all her heart,

Yet they can't live without each other…

"You are so annoying …" came the curse from his lips as tears welded up on her eyes, feeling the hurt keep slicing his heart like a sharp knife.

"Ugly…"

"Attention Whore …"

"Why don't you act cute again, huh? It made me want to puke…"

The curse went on and on, the knuckle on her hands which clutched on the sheet has long turned white, struggling from the pain for barely able to breath … and the pain for every curse words which pained her.

"Nn - …" she could not help but to let her pained moan escape her lips, her legs were kicking the sheet from her struggle.

"U-uhnn…" the sheet has wrinkled under her grasp for each breath she could take.

He knew how well he could manage his strength so that he won't kill her but able to made her keep suffering. Sometimes he would loosen up a bit to let her catch up with a bit of air before tightening it again on her neck to suffocate her. He also warned her if she dares to faint, he will make her regret it. He knew the poor girl was too afraid to oppose him. The eyes reflected in her sight were full of pain and it satisfies him, somehow …

It soothes the pain… a bit, before his memory remembered of what he has done on that fateful day to his friend, as a result he was swallowed by his own wrath.

Her pleas …

Her struggling moan …

He find it as a very cute and relaxing music in his ears, it was also the reason why they always did this inside infirmary every time after the school ends. He find it adorable as she try to break free yet didn't dare to oppose him, it was soon replaced at once with another anger, denying that he thought her as cute.

Then he tightened his hands around her throat which cause her eyes went wide this time. She felt that he was using more strength than usual, like … he was seriously trying to kill her. But even if he did … she was too scared to oppose … one wrong move and she would suffer more than needed. His glare alone could make her unable to move.

That was how her life went on…

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…

The sniffles of a certain girl could be heard inside the dark infirmary as the snow painting the scenery outside. The teal haired girl cuddled in the corner, his two hands hugged her own body as her knee was folded up to her chest. The soft cry was faintly echoing inside the room, her eyes were red, her cough telling that she has been crying for almost an hour and her tears almost dried up.

But she wished to cry more, she could not hold the mixed pain stacking inside of her. She though that she was crazy for allowing him to use her like this, but she has no choice seeing she would be alone if he left her. She got no one left to be with her.

And of course it's because she care for him so much…

Never did once she blame him for what happened to her, instead she blame herself for being someone he hate so much.

The slight change of the temperature inside the room made her remember again of how much she had suffered on her birthday. It was supposed to be a happy day for normal people, yet it does not work for her, it was the opposite instead.

The girl tried to stand, wobbling as she went towards the window, before she open it and grab a handful of snow from the ground. Her lips cracked a smile, a sad smile with one single tears fell from her eyes.

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The blue haired boy walked alone on the white painted road, white puff comes out from his lips for each breath he took. He felt better after taking out his anger on her, but he didn't felt happy or satisfied, more like he felt the pain inside him just increasing. It's like taking a drug which made you happy only for a short amount time and suffering for a long time.

His situation is somehow like that, like he was completely addicted to it …

And each time they did it, he need more than usual …

Suddenly his phone rang, a smile crept to his face as he just received a new text from his best friend. Text message always made him have a curious feeling before he read it, seeing anything could be expressed through text.

But as he read the text, his eyes went wide …

"You sly little boy! You are keeping Miku all to yourself, right? You think I don't know today is her birthday!? Bet you guys are in lovey dovey moment right now ^w^)b"

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He went to the infirmary where he took his "drug" regularly, he thought that she already gone home, but she didn't. He watched from behind with her back facing him as she sway her body to right and left, sitting on the chair while singing "Happy birthday" song in a forcefully happy tone. With a snow piled imitation of birthday cake place in front of her, the girl repeating the song endlessly. He watched silently from behind without her noticing his presence, each tick of time made her tone waver, she cried silently yet still did her best to sing the song.

"Happy birthday to you …"

"Happy birthday to you …"

"Happy birthday, happy birthday … Happy birthday to you …"

Anyone would think that she was crazy, yes that should supposed to be. Even she thought herself as crazy, not only she self-pitied herself now she was also trying to give attention to herself.

"What an attention whore I am …"

He flinched when he heard her croaked voice trying to hurt herself, his bangs covered his eyes, it is unknown what kind of emotion he felt at the moment. The girl just kept swaying her body and keeps singing even after she coughed several times from forcing herself. She never realized his presence staring at her from behind, perhaps it's because she was having too much to notice such things.

Her head went blank, it's just her body which kept repeating the endless routine.

And he decided to leave the infirmary …

Two gleaming eyes from a beast watched the tale unfold sadly,

His wail echoed sadly within the world piled by snow …


	26. Chapter 26 : Memories - Part 2

Memories Part Two

Hatsune Miku definitely has gone insane …

That was the thoughts slipping inside Snow mind, for the first time in little fella's life never did he saw human who gone mad. But he was certain from what happened in front of him, he could decide that Miku was definitely not normal.

Spare that she didn't notice that he was inside her apartment for a long time. He didn't even understand what she was doing at the moment. She just bought 2 boxes of candles, dipping them inside the bowl of water and has been munching them for quite an hour, sitting quietly at the corner in the kitchen.

Tears fell yet the lips smile

While munching on those definitely not healthy things, she would hum a song repeatedly in low voice. Before long known, one box of candles already empty.

"Oh … it's empty …" is what she said, before she opened the 2nd box and begin taking another candle to fill her stomach.

His instinct reacted, telling him that it was danger for her if it's continue further, he leaped forward and tugged her sleeve with his sharp fang. The girl stopped moving her hand at the moment, her head turned slowly like a mannequin, eyes staring emotionlessly at the little fella who was biting her sleeve.

"Do you need something?" the girl asked

He looked at the girls with pleading eyes like begging for forgiveness, yet the girl felt nothing at all towards him. She stayed silent, not moving like a doll waiting for order. The ironic life she was living with, her puppeteer was cruel and unforgiving master.

Prisoner of Love

Perhaps these words describe the doll perfectly seeing she was unable to free herself from the thread which bound her towards her master. The dried tears on the doll face measure the pain she has been enduring while under her master's hand. Forced to move by the hands of her creator, she no longer felt the need to possess any kind of emotion, the mind said so but the heart disagree with her decision. The heart still held onto sadness, the mind yet already abandoned it, thus making her looking like an empty shell just like a doll.

Snow understand it once he looked into her lifeless eyes, the shock left his mouth hanging which in result releasing her sleeve at once. Her hand did not move though, she didn't reach for the 2nd box. The puppy whimpered full of sadness, approaching her and licked the back of her hand, trying to soothe the pain she felt.

The doll smiled, just a bit …

She patted his head, saying 'Thank you' …

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"Snow, you look sad, what's wrong?" The black haired boy asked his pet as they were having a dinner together in the kitchen.

"What's wrong, Rei?" The older brother asked as he saw his little brother could not focus eating and keep looking down on the little fella on the floor.

"Brother, Snow look strange … he did not eat much" Rei replied, while munching his food without ever left his sight from his pet.

Kugetsu who was curious by his little brother statement rose from his seat and approached the little fella sitting beside his food plate. He squat down to have a better view of Snow, it was indeed he does not eat much, he was not touching his food at all.

"Rei, how about we take him to doctor tomorrow? I am afraid if he is sick"

Snow ears twitched a bit when he heard his master's word, the fella gazed towards his master with sorrow hinted in his eyes, a whimper of sadness course through his small tiny mouth. Kugetsu was taken aback as he looked upon his sorrowful eyes, not even once does Snow ever being so emotional like this. The doctor put his hand under his chin, frowning as he could not find the source of the little fella weird behavior.

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The Blue Haired Puppet master walked along the hallway of the school as his doll followed without saying anything behind him. During lunch time like this, usually it was supposed for both of them along with Rin to eat together, but Miku know that his master wished nothing more to stay any longer with her during this time, it made him frustrated.

"Senpai …" Miku smiled a bit before his master turn his head, showing her the rage which reflected in his eyes.

"Please go ahead … the teacher is calling for me …" the sheepish smile shown on her face with a hint of sadness, before she turned around and walked opposite from his direction and He watched as the girl slowly disappeared from his sight…

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Somehow, Miku become used to it … no … to be more exactly she become crazily accepting this kind of torture.

The limp hand which fell beside her body without any will to fight back while her master keep choking her throat was the proof of how insane she has become. The doll lied limply on the infirmary bed with his master towering above her. Each strand of hair fell on the bed with her two hands clutching on the white sheet beside her head.

"A…ah …"he could felt her body vibrated from the lack of air, her mouth gasping while trying to form a words, her cheek flushed in color of red shade and bead of sweats sliding on the surface of her face.

But there was something which seemed not was it supposed to be when he clutched on her neck.

Her happy face …

Yes, she looked insanely happy, smiling with tear glands threatening to fell from the corner of her beautiful azure painted eyes …

"sen…..pai …" The limp hands slowly moved to touch his wrist, without any force within it.

"Ha…de..r" as the words left her lips the rage filled puppeteer eyes went wide for the first time, shock filled him as he heard the request came directly from his doll's mouth.

His doll begged for more torture, as he could felt her hand pushed his arm to tighten his hand on her delicate neck. Mixed emotion puzzled his mind at once,

Anger, in which he recognize her as the worst attention whore ever lived …

Pleasure, in which she looked very fragile and wanting to be hurt so much …

Unknown, in which he could not understand clearly why …

The dominance one of course it was always Anger, his hand choked stronger on her neck. Making her spoke out inaudible words. He lowered his body to add more force to his hands, the moment of pure anger made him almost forget how dangerous it was to add more strength than this.

Her tongue stuck out as she could felt how suffocating it was …

The closure of their face made him able to look into her eyes much deeply than before, the deepest part which surfaced on her iris show painful struggle yet it show no will to go against it. It was like she has completely let him lead the control of her own body.

"ah …. a..h…" inaudible voice which spoke out sounded like a pleasuring music inside his ear.

"mo…more …" even she agreed that she definitely has gone insane with her request from the start, but the problem lies in which she chose to believe the illusion of insult flung at her rather than the true fact of who she was, in which resulting her to drown inside the insanity of her own mind world.

The Cruel puppeteer released his hands from her neck. He grabbed her hair and dragged her towards the bowl of water which was put above the chair. Without hesitation he drowned her head inside the bowl of water. Her head struggled to breath inside the water, but his hand stopped it from being able to lift her head.

Miku could felt as the water kept filling her throat, the doll thought perhaps her master finally decided to end her life. The Puppeteer pulled her head out from the water, pulling her hair forcefully; he brought her face closer to his.

The doll ragged breath could be heard clearly, her eyelids were only halfway open. The puppeteer then asked her, "You think I will let you die that easily?"

"More …"

The doll answered, which fueled his anger more, he plunged her head once again inside the bowl full of water. This time keeping her head a bit longer, the puppeteer kept trying to avoid letting his emotion control him completely, no matter how much he hate his doll, he need to remind himself that the only method to soothe his pain was her doll, therefore he must not kill her.

His mind was being tested by his own emotion, unable to control it anymore and afraid with the outcome, he pulled her head once again. He grabbed her hair and threw her body to floor, so hard that he swears he could hear some of her ribs giving a cracking sound. Disbelief along with anger portrayed on his eyes.

The girl coughed out so much water from her throat, her body felt limp, and strength no longer resides inside her body. She tried to adjust her sight but all she could saw was his eyes full of disgust towards her along with anger.

"YOU ATTENTION WHORE!" her master yelled, kicking her stomach at once, letting her coughed out more water from inside her stomach along with a bit of blood. It does not take long before her master ran out of the room.

The doll could not forgot the emotion which reflected on her master eyes just now, she saw another new expression which rarely shown on her master face. The eyes showing disgust, it was the first time she saw it from her master.

The doll just chuckled bitterly, she reminded herself that she has caused her master to hate her onto a new whole level. It won't take long for her to realize just how much pain she was going to endure in the future.

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She knew that her body was getting weaker each day, and the hate given to her no longer only derived from her master. Those girls who adored her master brought another hate towards her, they felt jealous because she always able to stay beside her master when the fact was her master not even wanted her to go near him.

Their bullying does not hurt as much as when her master torture her, but still it does not means the pain was less than hurt. Sometimes the doll didn't understand what she has done to deserve this. The bandage on her foot show the proof of the bullying in which she could still felt the tingling pain when 5 thumbtacks pass through the thin tissue on her foot.

The doll grew weaker day by day, she felt weak just by walking like normal people, but nevertheless she still tried to remain her smile whenever she was with her master. Despite how much she was hated … secretly of course.

She no longer hoped anything …

Seeing the world has turned its eyes away from her …

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The pain which his doll got everyday was starting to show slowly, it was completely obvious to anyone eyes, but with the sweet lies from his doll, all the suspicion was dispersed. When he took a peek at her doll, he could saw her smiling sheepishly, but what made him scared the most was the bandage which wrapped on her head, arms and leg.

The doll said she was caught in a traffic accident in which she luckily survived. Everyone believed it at once, even Rin. But as her creator, he knew those additional pain was not caused by traffic accident or by him, spare her body which obviously grow weaker day by day, he even wonder if she could did her activity normally. The worries painted him, even though he was the demon who tortured her.

One time, when lunch time started, as usual she would eventually say that she would pass the lunch. Her action gave sense to him as he knew that the girl was trying to comprehend what he wanted.

The decision to follow her appeared in his mind,

But in the end he chose to ignore it,

He knew his hatred won't allow it to happen…

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The cold air of winter arrived sooner than expected, but the life of the doll still didn't change. If one could tell, the difference between her past and present lies on her Percy against fate. She accepted the pain willingly, ignoring her screaming body. One could say she has descended further towards madness with only a glimmer of sanity still existed inside her mind.

One day her body finally rebel against her will, it no longer wished to move, combined with the cold air which seep inside her body, her mind could not comprehend any further. The doll collapsed in the middle of the street at midnight. With little white fairies descended atop her body.

The cold air breathed out from her lungs, she felt slightly warm even though the temperature was so cold. She didn't know what to do, or what to think, it was the first time her body acted like this, refusing to take order from her anymore. The consciousness could be felt drawing further away from her, the doll smiled again, she cherished once more the happy moments she ever felt with her creator. It was short, but she indeed felt truly happy within that moment before he became what he was right now.

There are one time when they would cuddled against each other where she could felt how warm and kind he was when they did it. The way he ruffled her hair like she was the only precious girl in his life made her felt safe with him. She definitely likes it whenever he would ruffle her long hair. That was one act she likes from him.

Indeed they never hold hands, but she felt its more than enough when he would pat her head whenever she was upset or when he was happy. It's a small gesture which represented more than enough how much he cares for her. She didn't wish further than that, just so he would pat her already made her happy enough.

Whenever school activity became too tiresome for him, she would offer him to massage his shoulder. And surprisingly, he like the way she massaged his shoulder. It was the moment where she felt that she could became useful for him in some way. Although not much, but he said it's more than enough.

Then lastly, it would be how much they smile in each other presence, a small gesture with unknown meaning, but it show their own way of kindness for each other.

Sadly …

Reality hit her hard,

The cold wind giving her a realization, that … it was all her imagination …

The short time which they have, was not filled with those kind of happiness …

Just a plain … awkward relationship …

Before the accident took him away …

He never ruffled her hair, not even once …

She would offer to massage his shoulder, but he flatly refuse …

He never pat her head or embrace her … not even once …

And lastly … he would never smile … just an indifference stare casted from his eyes …

All was only the doll delusion,

Tears fell, but this time she didn't smile, the sadness show completely on her face as the cruel reality slapped her awake from her own Imagine world. She felt how stupid she was, how shameful she was and how much of attention whore she was …

She would never felt happiness after all, from the moment of her life take turn not even once she could experience a true happiness, spare that she would thinking selfishly, before the flow of fate trapped her even if she wanted, she could not act selfish.

All she could done was giving other happiness using her pain, it was all she had …

That's why she succumbed to the pain, because she definitely didn't want to be left even by pain, it was everything she had …

The doll felt her body grew colder, it felt numb, her eyelids feels so heavy that it kept trying to close. Her vision start to blurry, her remaining strength could barely kept her awake. She knew sooner or later she would close her eyes … with a risk it might never open again …

"I am tired …"

"Perhaps … a short nap sounds not bad …"

Her trembling lips spoke, as the small flame of consciousness was starting to fade away, the flame struggled to keep burning but soon it getting smaller faster each time it tried to burn.

A barking sound of a dog could be heard faintly along with the sound of footsteps before the flame inside her vanished completely.

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…

…

He never felt this way towards his doll …

Never …

Or was it perhaps the anger which clouded his judgment?

He held her close to him till he reached his house,

During those times he kept reminding himself,

It would be alright,

Everything will be ok,

Her ragging breath, her flushed face, he never expect that she has fallen ill for such a long period. The more precise question was … why hadn't he realized this before?

Each step took him closer to his destination while he tightened his grip on her, making sure she was still breathing. They never been having so much body contact except when he torture her, this was also the first time in which he held her so close, the kind of intimacy which they never done much before.

The moment when he reached his apartment, he rushed inside his bedroom and put her on his bed. He placed a wet towel on her forehead to decrease her cold, but her lips which slightly open and close show she was struggling for air inside her lungs. He stayed beside her, wiping away the sweat on her face with a towel. He closed the window which brought the cold breeze, pulled the blanket to cover her sluggish body.

He thought of every possible way in this situation in order to save the girl lying in agony. Then an idea hit him immediately, he rushed out of the room and grabbed the phone, he dialed the number of someone he trusted the most.

The beeping sound on the phone line made his panic rose for each sound it made. Each seconds passed but his wish was not granted yet, deep down inside his heart, frustration started to grow on him, panic swallowed him whole.

The situation in which he himself could not understand his own emotion,

Why he felt frustrated?

Why he panicked?

Why … he try to save her?

The barking sound of the dog snapped him out, he looked at the little fella who barked desperately at him, it wanted to tell him something, but he could not understand.

The beeping sound on the phone was still in progress

Yet the puppy didn't stop barking, he remember that this little fella was the one who approached him in his house at midnight. He could remember, all of a sudden he bit his house key and run away, of course seeing this sudden accident caused him to run after him at once, but the moment he arrived at the scene where he stood still, the key matter became void to him as he was absorbed with the person lying on the road.

Perhaps this fella could help him out, he thought

The puppy ran towards the front entrance, his paw clawing on the entrance door, this time the sign clicked inside his head, so he left the phone hanging and ran towards the entrance door, once he opened it, the puppy bolted out immediately from the building among the heavy snow. The Heavy snow prevented him from chasing him any further, but right now he could only hope on his little companion who he just get acquainted with a moment ago.

Leaving the phone hanging on with its continued sound of despair, the boy returned to the bed room where the sick princess belonged. Her ragged breath was still uneven, she was struggling to take a breath, and it was like her lungs were completely malfunctioned.

Then the questions which he asked himself before returned inside his head as he approached her slowly,

Why did he save her?

Why was he frustrated?

Why was he panicked?

Her face was pale and flushed, drop of sweats keep sliding on her face endlessly. Her body was trembling because of cold which still lingering inside of her, the body looked so fragile like a glass doll which could shatter just by shaking it a bit. Her mouth was ajar, helping her in breathing seeing how much pain she receive for each breath she took. It was as if the air she inhaled was so poisonous, he could felt her being in pain with the tears slowly formed on the corner of her eyes.

Again his emotion was thrown back forth, he didn't knew what to feel about her, didn't know why he acted this way. It was not only during this situation, lately every time he saw her the emotions he felt became complicated in which even he himself could not understand … what does he want?

Too many things swirled inside his head, to be more exactly in his life. All kind of event which occurred to him before has caused him to not being able to choose his right emotion at the right time. He didn't wish to lose any other friends close to him because of his own confusion, it was that time that he decided to vent all his negative emotions towards her, all so he could take a breath and calm down.

It was like a drug,

This time her doll was the source of his negative emotions, even though she has tried her best not to meddle her own matters inside his life, but eventually fate said different things towards the two young couple.

Whenever he saw her fragile weak body, it tempted him to hurt her more,

So in other words,

The current situation was the worst,

Seeing that she was at her weakest condition right now,

He was sure she might die if he took his drug right now,

But how could he hold it?

Seeing how strong his desire tempted him …

The hand started to reach her neck,

It was still a gentle touch without any desire filled inside of it,

But how long he could hold it?

Before he eventually snapped?


End file.
